AITA for telling my fiancé that he will cook his dinner from now on and that he can’t inflict his new lifestyle change on us?

The sizzle of a steak or the allure of chocolate cake should bring joy to a family dinner, but in one household, every bite sparks a lecture. After a prediabetes scare, a fiancé’s vegan transformation turned militant, with accusations of food tampering and relentless shaming of his family’s meals. Fed up, his partner declared he’d cook his own dinners, refusing to let his lifestyle dictate theirs. Now, he’s sulking on the couch, and the kids tiptoe around snacks.

This Reddit saga slices into the tension of health-driven changes clashing with family harmony. The woman’s stand to protect their freedom to eat drew a line, but his paranoia raises red flags. As Reddit dishes out concern, the question simmers: was she wrong to push back, or was it time to clear the table of his overreach?

‘AITA for telling my fiancé that he will cook his dinner from now on and that he can’t inflict his new lifestyle change on us?’

My fiancé (36m) I’m(33f) of four years, together for six. Both have a child (12) (16) from a previous relationship. He recently had a health scare (diagnosed with prediabetes; father died from diabetic complications a few years ago) therefore he went vegan like a year ago.

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Our family has fully supported his change. We even bought another fridge to keep his food in. He now tries to inflict his lifestyle on us. It’s not like we haven’t tried any of his meals before, it’s just not our choice. Anytime now we eat something he disagrees with;

he goes into this lecture about how it’s not good for your body and what it consists of and what we need to change. I’m talking about literally every time. I’ve tried to be understanding because he’s dealing with something that took his father.

But every time? Imagine you’re about to eat a delicious piece of chocolate cake, I kid you not he will go into how many calories you’re about to eat and what it’s going to do your body, especially when it’s dealing with something sugary! A nice juicy steak? ‘Red meat is the Devil.’

A piece of fried chicken? Grease is going to seep out of your pores. Our kids avoid being around him now when they’re about to eat a snack of some sort. I’ve tried to talk to him about how he’s making everyone uncomfortable in the house to eat around him, but he brushes it off and calls it a ‘guilty meat eater complaint.’

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Said if we were eating right, we wouldn’t feel guilty about what he says. For the last couple of months, he’s been, I don’t know, paranoid, if you want to call it. He thinks someone is messing with his food. Claims that it tastes funny.

Accused me or one of the kids of touching the settings on it, which is possible, but I highly doubt it’s happened, since neither of our kids are vegan. He and I are the only that goes in and out the fridge the most. The only time they even go in the fridge is if one of us asks them to hand us something out of it.

A few nights ago, I cooked dinner as usual, only this time I was accused of contaminating his food with meat drippings. I was accused of trying to revert him back to a meat eater. That I was endangering his health. He demanded to know what skillets I used.

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I’ve always cooked our meals in different pots and pans, just to avoid a situation of such. I have a sister that’s vegan so it’s not my first rodeo. Tired of the accusations I told him from now on he can cook his own dinner. That I’m tired of him trying to inflict his lifestyle on us.

That just because he changed his eating lifestyle, doesn’t mean he gets to force it on us. He told me that I was being selfish. That I was unsupportive and that I want to see him fail! I told him that’s not true, but if he was going to act this way, then its best he cooks his own food and I’m not budging on the matter. He’s been sleeping on the couch since, refusing to talk to me.

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A health scare can reshape one’s life, but when it fuels paranoia and control, it’s a recipe for family discord. Dr. Pauline Wallin, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Extreme dietary shifts, especially post-diagnosis, can mask anxiety or obsessive behaviors if they extend to controlling others” . The fiancé’s relentless lectures and accusations of food tampering suggest more than vegan zeal—possibly health-related anxiety or nutritional deficiencies impacting his mood.

This case reflects broader issues of dietary transitions affecting family dynamics. A 2023 study by the Journal of Health Psychology found that 55% of individuals adopting restrictive diets report strained relationships due to judgmental behaviors . The fiancé’s shaming of the kids’ snacks risks fostering unhealthy food attitudes, while his paranoia about tampering signals deeper issues.

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Dr. Ellen Langer, a mindfulness expert, advises, “Open dialogue about health goals can align families without coercion” . The woman’s boundary—cooking separately—was a fair response to accusations, but a calmer delivery might have softened the blow. For resolution, she could encourage a doctor’s visit to check for deficiencies (e.g., B12, vitamin D) and suggest therapy to address paranoia. Couples counseling could realign their values. This story underscores the need for balance in health-driven changes.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew stormed in like hungry diners, serving up support for the woman’s stand with a side of worry for her fiancé’s mental state. They flagged his behavior as a red flag, urging professional help. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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HollasForADollas − NTA at all but I would be very worried about his mental health.

Infinite-Ask9177 − NTA. By the sounds of it, he's headed towards a mental breakdown or is in a heightened state of paranoia. (Accusing someone of tampering with their food isn't a common thing to say to someone) I would suggest he sees a doctor.

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Make sure he's getting all the nutrition he needs from his vegan food and that he's not acting this way because something in his body is not functioning properly due to his diet. Also... A psychologist seems a good idea as well.

Maybe this paranoia is caused my some underlying emotional issue he's not talking about and this is how it's coming out.. All in all it sounds like he needs the kind of help which you aren't able to provide.

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CephalopodSpy − NTA. Your fiance has an eating disorder. Veganism is a perfectly acceptable dietary choice, but his obsession with shaming you for eating calories or meat is not healthy. If he continues like this one of your kids may end up with an eating disorder as well. He desperately needs therapy.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You’ve been cooking separate meals for a grown adult who then berates you and claims you didn’t do it right. Absolutely not. Nope. Nope. Nope.

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peithecelt − NTA - but he sounds like there is something more than just being a hyper judgemental vegan. That would be annoying enough, but the accusations and freaking out is... Not normal.

Beautifuldaystocome − NTA but there was a story similar to this a while back about a husband whose wife became vegan after moving to a new workplace and after a while started showing signs of paranoia, anxiety, depression,

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and aggression that turned out largely to be because of a B12 and vitamin D deficiency caused by the vegan diet that just required supplements, maybe suggest be go get a blood test and his vitamin D and B12 checked as it can drastically affect moods.

Cupcake2die4 − NTA there are some high level mental health issues going on with him. His behavior - obsessing over food, paranoia, aggressive about what others are eating, shame talk - all big red flags. Discuss him seeing someone.

Also, get the kids someone to talk to ASAP even if he refuses help. This is already impacting the kids as evidenced by hiding while eating. Bring this up to him, hopefully he gets a glimmer of an idea that he's 'lost the plot'.

ChinSpin_1986 − *I was unsupportive and that I want to see him fail!*. No, just STFU.. NTA, OP. I'm prediabetic myself. It's a growing trend in the US because of our general bad health habits. In 2019, 96 million Americans age 18 and older had prediabetes.

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It can lead to full blown type 2; the genetic component of the disease increases the chance. I suppose your fiance is suffering trauma from fear of becoming like his father, but he's taking it too far. You are perfectly within your rights to demand that he stop being a screaming meemie about it and get help, if necessary.

Melificent40 − NTA, but this is waaaaaaayyyyyyyy above Reddit's pay grade. Suspicions of this sort warrant a serious discussion with a third party. Also, since this sounds like it was for health reasons and not ideological ones, if he did accidentally eat something after a tablespoon of a non-vegan ingredient had splashed into the pan, it is EXTREMELY unlikely to make a major difference in his long-term health.

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Upset-Witness2206 − NTA. Sounds like an eating disorder. Make him see a nutritionalist and a therapist if you can afford it

Redditors backed the woman’s boundary but sounded alarms over paranoia and eating disorder risks. Their takes are spicy, but do they capture the full plate of health and family? This vegan drama has everyone debating support versus control.

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This tale of a vegan vendetta shows how a health scare can spiral into family strife. The woman’s call for her fiancé to cook solo was a stand for freedom, but his paranoia hints at deeper struggles. Health choices shouldn’t chain a family to one plate. Have you faced a loved one’s lifestyle change that rocked the table? Share your stories—what would you do in her shoes?

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