AITA for telling my father that it was his fault he missed my son’s first birthday party?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a colorful kids’ venue buzzing with balloons and toddler giggles, a perfect scene for a first birthday bash. For one mom, the joy dims when her father’s absence leaves a sting. Months ago, he promised to be there for his grandson’s big day, but a last-minute text reveals he’s stuck at his girlfriend’s church event—by choice. Her frustration bubbles over, not just at the no-show but at his refusal to own it.

This isn’t just a missed party; it’s a tug-of-war over family and priorities. In a world where love means showing up, his excuse feels like a dodge. When she lays it bare—his decisions led here—he doubles down, leaving her questioning herself. Readers feel the pull: was she too blunt, or was her honesty the wake-up call he needed? Let’s step into this family fray where hearts and choices collide.

‘AITA for telling my father that it was his fault he missed my son’s first birthday party?’

My son turned one this past weekend. On Sunday, my husband and I threw a birthday party for him at a local kids venue. We confirmed the date, with both the venue and our guests, a few months ago. One of those guests was my father. Back when I informed him of the date, he told me he'd come. 

A few days before the party, he asked if there was any way for me to reschedule it. I said no, as we'd already confirmed everything with the venue. My father then told me he'd be late to the party because there was an event at his girlfriend's church on the same day, and she wanted him to attend.

I should say that my immediate family, including my father, is technically catholic, but none of us practice it. However, my father's girlfriend is VERY religious. Like, Jesus as her phone wallpaper religious. Since they started dating (a little over a year ago), my father has been attending church with her on a semi-regular basis.

He has explicitly told me he doesn't like it, but does it to make her happy. I told my father I was fine with him being late, as long as he came to the party at some point. He said he'd show up as soon as the church event was done. A few hours before the party ended, my father texted me the event was still going,

and he thought

He said he had no way of knowing the event would last as long as it did, but that's not what I'm upset about. I told him he still chose to prioritize an event he didn't even want to attend over his grandson's first birthday party, made several other choices that led him to completely miss the latter, and didn't inform me about any of that until the last minute.

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All of those decisions were his, so the fact he ultimately didn't come to the party was his fault. My father is still refusing to apologize, and insists I have no right to be angry over something he had

This birthday fallout reveals a rift over family loyalty. The mom’s sharp words to her dad—he chose his girlfriend’s event over his grandson—cut deep because they’re true. His refusal to apologize, claiming no control, dodges accountability. She’s hurt; he’s defensive.

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Choices shape priorities. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Relationships thrive when we show up for what matters to those we love” (Gottman Institute). The dad’s semi-regular church visits, driven by his girlfriend’s faith, aren’t the issue—it’s skipping a milestone he committed to. His last-minute text screams poor planning, not fate.

This taps a bigger nerve: family dynamics shift with new partners. A 2019 study found 30% of adult children report tension when parents prioritize romantic relationships over family (Journal of Family Issues). Grandparents’ absence at key moments can feel like rejection, especially for new moms craving support. Dr. Gottman’s advice fits: honest, calm talks rebuild trust. She could say, “I need you to prioritize my son’s moments.” He should listen, not deflect.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew jumped into this family drama with gusto, tossing out fist-bumps and raised eyebrows. It’s like a lively coffee shop debate where everyone’s got a take on loyalty and letdowns. Some cheer the mom’s blunt truth; others nudge her to let it go. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd, sizzling with heart and a pinch of sass:

Tough-Combination-37 − NTA. He made his choice, asked if your were upset, was told “yes” you were to which he said well actually I was expecting you to placate MY feelings about missing the party and prioritizing my gf (who is an adult) over my grandson. Don’t. You seriously do not need to soothe his feelings.

Say to him clearly once more, “I’m upset you chose to miss the party. Why you missed it is beside the point. It’s not like you were in the ER with a ruptured spleen after a massive car wreck. You were with your gf. Period”. He doesn’t get a free pass on your feelings just because he values his own comfort over yours.

GhostParty21 − NTA. He prioritized another event over his grandson’s party. He prioritized his girlfriend’s church’s event over his grandson’s party. He ABSOLUTELY had control over it. .  Jesus as her phone wallpaper religious.. Also, this is killing me lolol.

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Odd_West_8860 − NTA. Your father is an adult, and he made a choice to attend a different event. He asked if you were upset, and you answered him honestly. He chose his girlfriend over his grandchild. It's understandable to be disappointed in him and upset that he made the choices he's made.

It's very possible he'll do this again in the future. I do think hanging onto your anger only eats away at you, though. Doesn't seem to be bothering him all that much. Make peace with the fact that he's going to choose the girlfriend. Adulting sucks sometimes.

jess1804 − NTA. Your dad DID have a way to know when the event was going to end. He could have ASKED.

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No-Introduction3808 − NTA “it would be in poor taste to leave early” no it wouldn’t, unless he was giving a speech at the end or had an important role like organising it; it would be very understandable to leave to see his grandchild for their birthday. If anyone at church judged him for it then maybe they should reread the bible and learn how to be less judgmental.

lmmontes − NTA. He is for following his girlfriend over his grandson and her for making him go to church over his grandson's party.

Electrical_Motor_892 − NTA, your father had a choice and he made it. Your son's birthday was not a priority but his girlfriend's event was. You have a right to feel hurt. He could have chosen not to go, or to sit in a part of the church where slipping out would not be an issue,

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or simply told the minister beforehand that it was his grandbaby's birthday and he may have to dip out. He chose to be with his GF not his grandson, ouch. I am sorry. Good luck having this conversation in a way that helps your dad make better choices in the future. Hugs.

[Reddit User] − NTA, don't know why he's acting like he has no free will. He could've easily went to his grandson's bday party. He should've told his gf he would have to leave the church event early to go to the party. I'm sure his gf would've been fine with that.

reddituser2907 − NTA, everyone can make their own choices about what is important in their lives but it’s theirs to live by. Your dad making choices and then acting like he missed out because of those choices and it not being his fault is where he is the AH

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Adventurous-Term5062 − NTA. He was not a hostage and could have left at any time. This has the fanatical girlfriend written ALL over it. She was saying “don’t leave me” every time he tried to leave I bet. I am absolutely positive if he told the head of the church event that he had to duck out early for your son’e bday there would have been NO issue whatsoever. This was his choice and remember this if he misses something else.

These Redditors dive deep, backing the mom’s stand or warning her anger might burn bridges. Some slam dad’s weak excuse; others bet his girlfriend’s pulling strings. Their takes spark like a family reunion—warm, messy, and full of spice. But do they nail the whole story, or just fan the flames? One thing’s clear: this birthday bust has folks buzzing.

This mom’s clash with her dad is a raw reminder that family means showing up—or owning it when you don’t. Her words laid bare his choice to skip her son’s milestone, but his defiance leaves wounds open. A real talk might mend things, or at least clear the air. Would you have called him out, or let it slide? Share your thoughts—what’s helped you navigate family disappointments?

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