AITA for telling my father he doesn’t get an opinion in what my body looks like?

Imagine this: you’re munching on a snack, watching fitness videos with your mom, dreaming of a stronger, leaner you. Then your dad strolls in, tossing out barbs about your body looking “like a man.” For one woman, this wasn’t just a passing comment—it was the latest in a string of snide remarks about her weightlifting journey. Fed up, she fired back, telling her father he gets no vote in how her body looks.

The fallout? A family uproar, with relatives demanding apologies for her “disrespect.” But her quest for confidence and health isn’t about pleasing others—it’s about owning her strength. Was her sharp retort justified, or did it cross a line? This Reddit saga dives into the clash of personal autonomy and family expectations, with a side of gym-fueled empowerment. Let’s break it down.

‘AITA for telling my father he doesn’t get an opinion in what my body looks like?’

I've always been a little chubby so about a year ago, I decide to get serious about fitness, and weight training. When I joined the gym and started lifting and my father found out, he said something like, you're gonna get muscles, no man wants to see that, just stick with runing and and cardio. And since then, as I've lost weight the comments have been getting more and more snide.

So, friday, I was at my parents eating a snack and watching athlean x on YouTube with my mother (her idea of a weightloss regiment is drinking flat tummy tea and wondering why her stomach doesn't just magically get toned), I'm trying to get her healthier. I should say, I'm not very tonned, but I would like to get leaner, because I find the slightly curvy athletic look on women sexy. It's my personal preference.

My father walks in and say, something along the lines of you've decided you want to look like a man and you want to drag your mother into this too? What man do you think wants that? I was like I'm not doing this for a man, but to feel confident in my own skin. And he was like, well its not attractive. And I said I told him I didn't know why he was still talking about this, he doesn't get a vote in what my body looks like.

He called me disrespectful and my mother told me to apologise. I said I was sorry he was stupid enough to think he gets a say in what I look like. And walked away. I keep getting calls from family members, my family love drama, telling me I was rude and to apologise. I admit I could have been less rude with my response, but honestly, it was getting anoying. So yeah.. WITA here?

Edit: didn't really expect this to blow up but thank you for the responses, the encouragement on my fitness journey and the advice. I wish my family was even half as supportive as some of you in the comments.

My parents have a big thing about respecting your elders so I ended up apologising for calling him stupid. It's worth it just to get my family off my back. I'll just have to get better at tuning out the negative comments, because lord knows they aren't going to stop.

Telling your dad he has no say in your body’s appearance? That’s a power move rooted in self-ownership. The woman’s frustration is palpable—her father’s repeated comments dismiss her fitness goals, framing her worth through a male gaze. His insistence that muscles aren’t “attractive” ignores her desire for confidence and health, creating a toxic dynamic.

Body image expert Dr. Renee Engeln warns, “When family members critique appearance, it can erode self-esteem and autonomy” . Here, the father’s remarks not only undermine his daughter’s journey but also drag her mother into the fray, amplifying the disrespect. His reaction—calling her “disrespectful”—shifts blame, avoiding accountability.

This ties to a broader issue: family interference in personal health choices. A 2020 study in the Journal of Health Psychology found 55% of women face body-related criticism from family, often tied to outdated gender norms. The woman’s clapback asserts her right to define her body’s goals.

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For solutions, she could set clear boundaries, calmly explaining that comments on her appearance are off-limits. Engaging her mother in supportive fitness activities, like group classes, might redirect focus.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit brought the heat, dishing out support and a few jabs. Here’s what they had to say:

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[Reddit User] - Nta. You're trying to get healthier and he tells you it's a bad thing ? Yikes

yay_a_kiwi - You could have been less rude, but why? Even if he WAS right about something, you just don't tell your children they're not attractive? Who the hell does this. Yeah you are disrespectful. Because there is nothing about him to respect. (in this situation, idk how are your relations otherwise) NTA and your parents (and the family members who want you to apologize) suck, at least in that case.

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SnowiceDawn - NTA But I have a question, is he thin or thick and how about your mom? I know you said she has some tummy fat. I ask because I can’t understand why this would be a bad thing (you getting healthy) unless he’s insecure (this is a thing with some big guys, not all, but it has happened), or if he likes thick girls and thinks thick is better than skinny.

[Reddit User] - NTA bit gross your dad rating how attractive you are to men, that's not in his remit and he should be applauding you for committing to getting healthier. I lift weights and tell my dad when I hit a new PB, he's proud of me but tells me to be careful (some habits die hard), he doesn't tell me that I'm never going to get a boyfriend.

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it-was-something - NTA - you’re right, he has no say in what you decide is best for you. Physical fitness is important. If you decide to apologize at all maybe apologize for being pushy with your mom (obviously I have no idea how that part went or if you were crossing lines, I more mean just to smooth things over), but absolutely don’t apologize for standing your ground when it comes to your personal fitness.

LitLantern - NTA. I have gone through something similar. My father spent my entire childhood/youth trying to scare/shame me into developing the body he thought I should have (while also feeding me genuinely s**t food). In my twenties I finally figured out a food/exercise regimen that makes me feel happy, healthy, and confident. Now I finally have that body that for some gross reason my father was really invested in me attaining. And I don’t talk to him.

mostlyjustlurkin - Your dad seems upset that he’s not attracted to you. What the fuuuuck?!. NTA

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jarrjam - '5 reasons why Controlling Dads are KILLING Your Gains (VIDEO PROOF!)'. Also, NTA.

Chaost - Please apologize to your family.. 'I'm sorry I felt offended and defended myself when my father was s**ually objectifying my body.'

StephStan - NTA. First and foremost, it's your body. As long as you're healthy and happy with how you look, who cares? Secondly why does your father think some random guy's opinion of your looks is more important than your own? You do you.

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These Redditors rallied behind the woman’s fitness journey, slamming her dad’s outdated views. But do their cheers capture the full weight of this family clash, or is there more to unpack?

This woman’s gym-fueled showdown with her dad isn’t just about muscles—it’s about claiming her right to shape her body and life. Was her fiery response a necessary boundary or a touch too sharp? Should her dad have kept his opinions to himself? One thing’s clear: her strength, inside and out, is hers to define. Have you ever faced family pushback on your personal goals? Drop your stories below—what would you do in her shoes?

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