AITA for telling my ex’s new husband he’s a selfish fool for marrying a lazy part time mom and thinking he could use my kids to help with his own?
Feeling the weight of responsibility can be normal for older siblings, but when it becomes an expectation, it crosses a line. In this case, a devoted father discovered that his ex‑wife’s new husband was asking his 11‑ and 13‑year‑olds to babysit and care for his younger children—even texting them directly for help during their custodial time with their dad. The father’s protective instinct kicked in, leading him to pick up the phone and firmly tell the stepfather to back off.
This confrontation culminated in a blunt rebuke: the stepfather was a “selfish fool” for marrying a part‑time parent and presuming the father’s kids existed to raise someone else’s. Such blatant parentification doesn’t just infringe on childhood—it can leave lasting emotional scars.
‘AITA for telling my ex’s new husband he’s a selfish fool for marrying a lazy part time mom and thinking he could use my kids to help with his own?’
When children are thrust into adult roles—such as caring for younger siblings—they experience parentification, a form of role reversal that deviates sharply from healthy developmental norms . Instrumental parentification involves practical tasks like cooking or supervising young children, while emotional parentification turns a child into a confidant or mediator for adult issues .
Long‑term studies show that parentified children face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self‑esteem, as they miss out on the support and free play essential to childhood . These young caregivers often carry excessive responsibility into adulthood, struggling with boundaries and feeling perpetually “on guard” to meet others’ needs .
Blended families can amplify these dynamics when stepparents assume older or step‑children will serve as “instant helpers.” Pioneering family therapist Ivan Boszormenyi‑Nagy warned that chronic role reversals erode trust and sow deep resentment within blended households . Expecting children—especially those from another union—to fill adult gaps breeds conflict rather than cohesion.
Healing from pathological parentification begins with clear boundaries and professional support. Trauma‑informed therapies, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, help affected youth reclaim age‑appropriate roles and rebuild self‑worth . Meanwhile, family systems therapy can guide caregivers in maintaining their proper roles, preventing future parent–child role confusion .
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Redditors largely sided with the father, recognizing that his stepchildren should not be conscripted into unpaid caregiving. Many praised him for protecting his kids’ right to a normal childhood, highlighting that parentification is a serious issue rather than mere household help.
While some warned against escalating conflict with his ex and her husband, the consensus was clear: setting firm boundaries is essential when children are being exploited for adult chores.
Children deserve the freedom to be children, not unpaid babysitters. The father’s decisive reaction underscores the importance of defending healthy boundaries in blended families.
What would you do if a stepparent tried to enlist your kids as caregivers? Have you faced parentification in your family? Share your experiences and advice below.
