AITA for telling my ex-wife that its not my problem that our son doesn’t want to have a relationship with his step dad and step siblings?

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In a quiet suburban home, a father picks up his phone to a flurry of angry texts from his ex-wife. Their 13-year-old son, caught between two worlds since their divorce, prefers his dad’s house over his mom’s bustling household, where a stepdad and four stepsiblings fill the space. When she accuses him of turning their son against her new family, he shrugs it off, saying it’s her issue to handle.

His blunt response ignites a firestorm, leaving Reddit buzzing: was he too harsh, or just respecting his son’s feelings? This tale of co-parenting and teen autonomy dives into the messy heart of blended families, where love, loyalty, and boundaries collide.

‘AITA for telling my ex-wife that its not my problem that our son doesn’t want to have a relationship with his step dad and step siblings?’

Me and my wife split when our son was around 4ish, I don't want to go in-depth but she got married almost 3 months after our divorce. We split custody 50/50 so I got him 2 weeks every month and summer while she got him for easter and christmas. My ex's husband brought 4 kids together with my ex and my son, I don't have any other kids so it was just him.

My son changed the custody when he was 13 to where he spends summers, christmas and 3 weeks at my place with 1 week at their. I know the divorce was hard and we did put him in therapy but he stopped after awhile cause he didn't feel anything was really changing and he seems better.

He texted me that he was coming over, and my ex called me and she was very mad at me. She said that I am poisoning our son, cause she said that he NEVER talks to his step dad or step siblings. She said thinks like he calls himself an only child, never talks to his step siblings at all, never talks to his step dad and said that if he could would live with me full time.

She got mad and told me to have a talk with him cause this isn't right or fair to her husband or kids. I told my ex that if he has having troubles at her house that is her business and not mine. She hung up the second I said that and I didn't bring it up with my son. AITA?

Co-parenting after a divorce is like juggling flaming torches—tricky and tense. This father’s refusal to push his son to bond with his stepfamily reflects respect for the teen’s autonomy, but his ex-wife’s frustration shows a clash in expectations. She wants a united family; he prioritizes his son’s comfort, especially after a tough divorce.

This mirrors a broader issue: blending families successfully. Studies show 60% of stepfamilies face challenges integrating children, often due to loyalty conflicts or differing parenting styles. The son’s choice to limit time at his mom’s suggests discomfort, possibly from feeling overshadowed in a large household.

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Dr. Lisa Doodson, a stepfamily psychologist, notes, “Stepchildren need space to adjust without pressure to ‘love’ new family members.” Forcing bonds can backfire, but open dialogue might help. The father could encourage his son to share his feelings, perhaps suggesting therapy to navigate the transition. Co-parents should discuss expectations calmly, focusing on the child’s well-being.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hive mind delivered a mix of support and sharp advice. Here’s what they said:

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DeckardCaining − NTA. Unless you are poisoning your son, but it sounds more like he doesn't like his step siblings or step father. You don't have to solve their problems, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to your son about why he doesn't like spending time there. Maybe there are some easily solveable issues that would make things better for him.

bbbrashbash − INFO. So it sounds like a kid acting out. If it's out of character I would expect some level of concern from you? You care about him all the time, not just when he's at your house. (You should also do the whole,

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if I was in her shoes, what co parenting support would I want) Have you asked him if there's anything he wants/needs to talk about? Your goal is for him to grow up to be a healthy happy functioning adult. Is not getting involved what's best for him?

mandude57 − Obvious NTA to me, and if anyone is talking s**t here it's your ex-wife.. he calls himself an only child. Which he is.. never talks to his step siblings at all. He doesn't have to.. never talks to his dad. Sounds to me like he does actually, he even spends 3 weeks a month at his dad's. if he could would live with me full time

He has the right to want it, and as he is at least 13 he's reaching an age where he may want to have a say in whith whom he lives. Again, since he's now at least 13 it's pretty obvious to him what happened before the divorce. He may not want to associate to that anymore, he may want some privacy considering the size of that family, he may just simply not like them. All acceptable.

dontbesadpills − NTA it really isn't your problem, and unless I missed the part where you've been talking s**t about step dad or his kids then you've done nothing wrong.. ​. Also I'm flabbergasted your ex was not only with someone within 3 months, but MARRIED. Bonkers.

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SoSayWeAllx − NTA it’s not a behavior or discipline problem he just doesn’t like his step parent and step siblings? I’m not shocked. Why would any child want to live with a big family that they seem to not connect to instead or live alone with one parent whose attention would be solely on them?

Not to mention that your son has no obligation to like any one of them, his mother chose them, not him. Ignoring them might be pushing it a bit, however we don’t know how he’s treated there or what he’s feeling. I hate when people say you have to love family, or you may not like them but you will always love them. A familial relation, blood or otherwise, does not entitle anyone to a relationship.

Shmoffy − NTA. Unless of course you have been talking crap about them behind their backs. But with the info we have then no. Hes old enough to make his own decisions. If he doesnt like them then thats his choice.

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SeraphymCrashing − INFO: What's his situation like with his step-siblings? Does he have his own room at his mom's house? I spent every other weekend at my Dad's house growing up, and I had to stay in the guest room in the basement. I didn't even have a place to put my clothes,

I kept them in a cabinet on top of some old vinyl records, and brought them home with me when I went back to my moms.. Spoiler alert: I haven't talked to my dad in 20 years. My point is, it's probably worth your time to understand why your son feels this way. Even if there's nothing you can do about it, it's probably something you should at least be knowledgeable about.

t3hd0n − she got married almost 3 months after our divorce.. NTA. er. i suppose i should read the rest.. She said that I am poisoning our son. ok, assuming you're /not/ actively engaging in parental alienation/manipulation this is NTA. thats not how coparenting works. its obvious y'all are parallel parenting because you don't get along at all. based on her choice words i'm guessing thats not your fault.

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Calm_Initial − NTA. And the issues likely stem from her jumping into a new marriage with a man who has kids. Sounds to me like your son changed custody because he doesn’t want to be around them which implies there’s issues there and it’s your wife’s job to work through them with your son

PDX816 − NTA But please consider looking into therapy again, he is older now and obviously still having feelings regarding the divorce.

These hot takes spark a question: do they grasp the full weight of co-parenting, or just cheer from the sidelines? Either way, they show how complex family ties are.

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This co-parenting clash reveals the tightrope of raising a teen in a blended family. The father’s stance respects his son’s feelings, but his ex-wife’s hurt runs deep. Reddit’s divided, but family isn’t one-size-fits-all. What would you do if your child resisted a stepfamily? Share your thoughts—have you navigated a similar divide?

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