AITA for telling my ex that my life will be easier when she and her kids move out?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a home buzzing with chaos—dishes piling up, kids dashing about, and a baby’s nap teetering on the edge. A Reddit user, fresh off a mutual breakup with his ex of three years, navigates this storm in his own house. They share a 1-year-old daughter, but her two older kids from a past relationship tip the scales of stress. Differing parenting styles—her protective bubble clashing with his hands-on approach—drove the split, all to avoid resentment for their little one’s sake.

She’s still there, hunting for a new place, but her snarky jabs about his solo dad skills hit a nerve on a rough work day. He fires back: life will be easier when she and her kids move out. Ouch! Tensions flare, silence falls, and we’re left wondering—did he cross a line? Grab a seat; let’s unpack this messy breakup brew!

‘AITA for telling my ex that my life will be easier when she and her kids move out?’

A couple splits after clashing over parenting, with the ex and her kids lingering in his home. A sharp exchange ignites as move-out looms. Here’s the original Reddit post:

My ex and I got together over 3 years ago, moved into my house after a year. She has two children from a previous relationship. We also have a child together who is now almost a year old.. ​ We mutually decided to break up a few weeks ago. I have my reasons, and she has hers but ultimately her kids play a big role in the break up.

Not their fault, its more about our different parenting styles. Due to my exes trauma from when she was a child and the kids bio father emotionally abused all 3 she had a protective bubble around them that was a massive source of conflict. I could write a list but I don't see how it would be beneficial to this.. ​ Anyways, we broke because we didn't want to resent each other for our child's sake.

Like the way she resents her other kid's father. They have been staying here until she finds a new place. However, she keeps making remarks about how I'm going to struggle on my own, especially when I have my daughter half the time. I've left it be because I'm pretty sure she is projecting, she will no doubt struggle. But it is also the damn time.

I was having a particulary bad day in work and she know and she brought up how I'm going to cope with work and our daughter.. ​. My life would be easier when they move out. Yes, I will be having my daughter 3 nights/4 days a week, I changed my work pattern so when I do have her I don't have to work. So I have no issues there. Looking after my daughter will be a breeze, I have no issues now looking after her.

In fact I make sure I have her more than her mother because I love spending time with her. And it will be even easier when her and her kids move out for so many reasons. The biggest is that all 3 cannot help themselves and always have to disturb my daughter when she is trying to sleep, so she then doesn't sleep and gets cranky and whines until I take her to my mothers so I can put her to sleep in peace.

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All 3 are extremtly messy, my entire house is a minefield and it stresses me out to no end and none of them clean up after themselves. I also find myself doing more for her kids then she does, I always take them to school and pick them up, take them to their after school activities. Make sure they are fed and shower often as otherwise she wouldn't remember.

I also pay for everything related to the house. We only split shopping and petrol.. ​ So I told her that when they move out I will have more money to save. Because I will be spending less on bills, and this is after me paying more than I should in child support. My house will be back to being clean and tidy, that will reduce my constant stress.

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Looking after my daughter will be less stressful because I will be able to put patterns in place to help. I will have more free time because I'm not spending it cleaning up all their mess, running around all day for her kids when it is her job.. ​ My life will finally be back in my hands. She didn't take it too well and has been quiet ever since.

Breakups with kids in the mix are like untangling a knot in a windstorm—tricky but doable! This Reddit user’s saga—housing his ex and her kids post-split—piles on stress: mess, disrupted naps, and extra duties. Her taunts about his coping with their daughter push him to snap: life gets easier when they go. Her silence speaks volumes, but was the jab too sharp?

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Co-parenting post-split is common—50% of U.S. kids live with separated parents, per a 2021 CDC study (Source). Dr. Kyle Pruett, a child psychiatrist, notes, “Honesty’s fine, but co-parents must shield kids from conflict” (Source). Here, his truth landed hard, risking their co-parenting vibe. Cool it, champ! Apologize for the sting, focus on your daughter’s routine. Get a custody plan—legal clarity cuts chaos. Set a move-out date.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s rolling in with spicy takes, dishing support and savvy tips! The crew backs our guy, eyeing the ex’s jabs and messy habits with a wink and a nudge. Here’s the rundown:

gemma545 − NTA her silence is exactly what you needed. She knows you are right.

Rainbow_Pompom_Bird − 4 nights a week is primary custody. YOU should not be paying child support AT ALL please get a formal custody agreement from the court, SHE should be paying YOU.

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Edit: and for the love of god mention that you’ve done all the child care, and provide any and all evidence of her negligence (photos of your house, dats you had to shower them because she wouldn’t etc.). Edit 2: Appreciate Y’all but according to the lawyer I’m incorrect, and according to OP this is his choice.

Icy-Cold8692 − NTA. Having an amicable break up and doing the adult thing to keep communication open for the child is a great thing. Making passive aggressive comments that show she doubts your parenting skills disrupts the co-parenting relationship and is very childish. She is currently staying there with her other children while finding a place, this is one of those don’t bite the hand that feeds you situations.

ParsimoniousSalad − NTA for telling her your truth. But LOL, Dude, your house will not remain 'clean and tidy' with a toddler.

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Send_Dudes_822 − She regrets asking for the divorce because she knows she’s going to struggle and is trying to manipulate you into asking her to reconsider the divorce, especially now that you showed her how much she’s going to struggle. Don’t be rude or disrespectful about anything y’all discuss, but definitely don’t play into her mind games.

If she says you’ll struggle, just repeat to her why you won’t struggle and why she will. You really kicked her in the nuts with what you told her about her and her kids. She knows you’re growing a backbone. Don’t let her gain any ground with those kinds of things she’s telling you. NTA, unless you fail and end up staying with her.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I've been there! My life went from chaotic & miserable to simply hanging out and caring for my daughter on my days. HOWEVER, please be aware that if she already resents the other bio-dad, what seems amiable right now can likely take a turn for the worst VERY quickly. She's already showing her true colors. It went truly unamicable for me about 3 days after mine moved out.

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I see what you've posted in other comments however, I implore you to please have a legal consultation at the very least and draw up a formal custody order. I paid my ex 3x the amount and after 2 years, she took me to court for 4x the support, but ended up getting the county's calculation which was 1/3 of what I offered her.

I nearly had to pay 3-4x because I had set a legal precedent with $ and custody time however, I was smart enough to get her to sign a custody order with a clause that it would be recalculated at the age of 5. 3 years, 3 court cases, $45000 in attorney fees, and the worst stress of my life. I've gained nothing from any of it besides defending my money and custody time.

PLEASE consider protecting yourself and getting an order for the child maintenance amount, then you can throw whatever money you want on top of that. Otherwise, if you get in a financial bind, the precedent is there and you're stuck paying 2x the amount.

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Current-Name1334 − NTA. What you said was honest, but it probably came off malicious. Regardless, if y'all are over, she needs to get out. Best of luck!

Special_Koala_1093 − Her telling how you will struggle with her might be a form of manipulation or her way of looking for validation from you (that you are thankful for her efforts and her help is important to you). Thr thing is though, she doesn’t and now she knows it. It sucks to hear this but maybe it will be a reality check for her. Especially as it seems that all the things you said are true and have contributed to the break up.. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA. but if she's as neglectful as you say she is, then you could request for 50/50 or even more custody as you are the more stable parent. Plus in most places you d9nt have to pay child support if you have equal custody. But I'm not a lawyer, just what I've heard and read (sis is a step mom). You sound like a great dad and know what you want fornyour kid.

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But have you thought about what it will be like for her when she's with her mom? How much she's going to struggle and suffer because your ex seems really neglectful, or absent-minded and dismissive.. Have you thought about how she's going to take her anger out on your kid when its her time? If she already doesn't bathe, feed and take her kids to school or their activities.

I hate to question how she might be with your kid during her time. I dont always like to suggest a lawyer, but this when you need to get one when you see how awful she treats her other kids and how she'll be with the new one. From the look of it, of what you have written here, it sounds like a judge would give you 50/50 if not more time with your kid even maybe reduced child support.

I really, really suggest talking to a lawyer and making sure you have all your ducks in a row to procet your child and get the most you can out of a custody agreement. Especially if the ignores her other kids so much, I would be worried about the treatment of your kid. Don't just rely on your internet research. Talk to a really good lawyer and make a good agreement to protect your kid no matter what.

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LadyDes91 − NTA. But you do need to talk to her about her definite plans to move out. Does she have a set end date or is she just living there until she 'finds a place'... because when will/ would that be. Set boundaries now before she's still living there after a year because she can't afford a place.

These Reddit gems spark a thought: Is his relief real, or will toddler life trip him up? Can this co-parenting gig gel?

This whirlwind of a breakup—messy houses, clashing styles, and a bold clapback—has us hooked! Our Reddit dad’s dreaming of a cleaner, calmer life once his ex and her kids pack up, and his blunt truth quieted her taunts. He’s set to shine with his daughter, but co-parenting’s a tightrope. Did he overstep, or just call it like it is? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Spill your thoughts, tales, or sly quips below—let’s stir this post-split pot together!

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