AITA for telling my ex she’ll have to live without her closure?

The soft glow of a sunset painted the room as a man in his mid-30s reflected on a life well-lived, despite a looming goodbye. After a high school romance ended in betrayal, he found love again with his supportive wife, cherishing their time as his days grew numbered. But an unexpected call from his ex stirred old wounds, asking for a final chat.

Her plea for closure—to apologize for past cheating—met a firm “no,” leaving her heartbroken and his family divided. He’d moved on, focusing on joy with his wife, yet his blunt refusal to grant her peace sparked debate. Was this a rightful stand for his remaining time, or a cold dismissal of her regret? The tension hung heavy, testing his resolve in his final chapter.

‘AITA for telling my ex she’ll have to live without her closure?’

I’m going to cut to the chase, I (36M) got about a year or so left before making that final trip to the after life. I’ve made my peace with it and these last few years have been the best of my life. We’ve known for a while that I was living on borrowed time so we vacationed a lot before covid.. Everyone knows I probably won’t be here by next year.

Well as it turns out my old ex decided to come back into my life. We were together since highschool. Before I proposed I found out she was cheating with one of her friends and broke up when we were 27. It was the darkest time of my life until I was pushed into going to therapy.

3 years later I got back into dating and met my wife. Got married after 2 years and we have been together ever since. She’s been the most incredible partner through all this and I don’t know how I would’ve made it without her. You can guess why my ex came back. She’d like us to meet so she could formally apologize to me and have one last conversation.

I said no way. She is the last person I want to see right now and didn’t take it well I guess. Our families are somewhat close. Her parents have been my aunt’s neighbors before either of us were even born so they still saw eachother after we split. My aunt heard from her folks that I’m refusing to see her and she’s gotten my parents involved.

Now they all hate her (except my aunt who always had a soft spot for her), but they do feel like maybe we should talk before I go. I don’t know what exactly they think this will bring, aside from just dragging up painful memories. I don’t want to bring up anything from the past and focus on making the most with my wife and family.

They left it alone at first until my ex tried reach me again asking to please meet. My ex says she heartbroken over my condition and just wants us to talk so we can have closure. But I explained to her I had mine years ago and am in a better place. And where I believe I was the a**hole was telling her she’s gonna have to live without hers.

Im getting a little more ridicule from my aunt and my dad. Mom’s still a bit on my side about it. They do think what I said was very insensitive and it’s clearly painful for her knowing what she did to me and that I’ll be gone soon. My wife is completely on my side here and actually gave my dad a piece of her mind (it was pretty hot so see; she rarely ever yells) for making things more complicated for me.

They’ve left me alone but it’s still on my mind and I don’t know how exactly I was an a**hole for saying that. I had said it as statement, there’s no reason for us to speak except it being for her benefit and since I’d rather not, then she will in fact have to live without that closure.

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Facing life’s end brings a fierce need to prioritize, and this man’s refusal to meet his ex reflects that instinct. After her infidelity shattered their youth, he rebuilt his life with a loving wife, finding peace despite his terminal illness. Her request for closure, though emotional, feels like an intrusion on his carefully guarded time. Both sides hold weight: he seeks tranquility, while she yearns to ease her guilt.

This scenario mirrors a broader challenge: balancing personal peace with others’ unresolved feelings. Research suggests closure can aid emotional healing, but it’s not a right to demand from someone else, especially in dire circumstances. His ex’s timing—years after the breakup and amid his illness—suggests self-interest, clashing with his focus on family. His stance protects his mental space, though it may deepen her pain.

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Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Closure is a personal journey; you can’t force it on someone else’s terms.” Her insight supports his choice to deny the meeting, emphasizing his right to control his narrative. Telling her to “live without it” was blunt, but a clear boundary in a vulnerable time. A softer refusal might have softened family backlash, yet his directness reflects his resolve.

For solutions, experts suggest firm yet compassionate boundaries. He could have explained his need for peace without the harsh phrasing, perhaps via a letter, to honor her feelings while staying firm. If family pressure persists, a mediator might help.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s got a fiery take on this, with most backing his stance and some wishing him well. Here’s what the crowd said:

AliceandRabbit − NTA. It's been years, you've moved on and are happy. She's exploiting the situation and wants to apologize to play the bereaved ex role later on. She could have apologized and had closure years ago. The timing feels selfish and you are not obligated to indulge her.

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RinoTheBouncer − I don’t care about your ex. I just wanna wish you strength, joy, peace, love and light and whatever makes you happy on your journey and beyond.. NTA

kindersurpise − NTA! It’s selfish of her to think you owe her anything, least of all closure. You sound incredibly emotionally mature I’m so happy you have someone like your wife by your side as you come to the end of your journey... and all I want to say on that front is death isn’t the end. Wishing you luck, friend!

MelodyRaine − NTA. “I am under no obligation to give a stranger any of my limited time or attention. (EX) became a stranger to me the day she decided to turn her back on me and find her happiness elsewhere. Please stop advocating for me to make others feel better about what’s left of my life.”

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elpatio6 − NTA. She slammed the door on your relationship by cheating. She doesn’t get to open it again just so she can close it gently this time.. Edit: Thanks for the awards kind people!

dusktildawn9 − NTA. You’re at peace and you deserve to enjoy your final year with your wife. Your cheater ex literally made her bed and now gets to sleep it in. She knows what she did was wrong and she only wants closure so she doesn’t feel guilty. It literally has nothing to do w caring about you. She’s still being selfish.

BellaSantiago1975 − NTA. I fecking HATE this idea that we're supposed to let people who treated us like s**t have their moment in the sun and earn their forgiveness of themselves at the our emotional expense. It's selfish.

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It has nothing to do with making anything up to you and 100% about giving herself a moment to pat herself on the back about how she redeemed herself (and probably give herself a sad little story to tell people about how she was so gracious as to admit fault to her ex who passed, TBH).

You don't owe her a conversation. You don't owe her closure. You don't owe her a damn thing. SHE, on the other hand, owes you the basic amount of respect and consideration to accept what YOU want in this situation, and leave you the hell alone.

fuzzy_mic − 'Get closure' means 'I control when this is over, you have no power'. NTA for using your remaining time the way you want to.

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CanadianJediCouncil − “I insist that you, my cheated upon ex , who has but a finite amount of time left on Earth, sit and listen politely while I vomit a bunch of BS onto you to make myself feel better for choosing to betray you years ago...”. “Nope.”. *So* **NTA.**

TopJukesNA − NTA With the time you have left, you should decide how to spend it. Your ex only wants to talk for her own selfish reasons. You moved on, and you certainly don't owe her any favours.

These Reddit views are passionate—do they capture his struggle, or overlook her remorse?

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This end-of-life dilemma shows how past hurts can resurface at the worst times. His refusal to grant closure protects his peace, but the blunt delivery stirred family tension. With time so precious, did he overstep, or stand his ground? Would you give an ex a final talk, or guard your joy? Drop your thoughts below and share how you’d face this emotional crossroads!

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