AITA for telling my ex-best friend I don’t owe her anything including a relationship with my son?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Betrayal cuts deep—especially when it comes from someone you called “best friend.” When our OP discovered that her confidante had been sleeping with her then‑boyfriend while she carried their child, she ended both relationships on the spot. As her little boy turned four, the “bonus mommy” kept begging to stay in his life, ignoring every boundary.

Finally, our OP told her flat‑out: “You owe me nothing, including any relationship with my son.” Now the woman’s family is furious, and the question hangs in the air—is our OP in the wrong for fiercely protecting her family?

‘AITA for telling my ex-best friend I don’t owe her anything including a relationship with my son?’

When I (22f) was pregnant with my son (4) I found out his father, my then boyfriend and my (at the time) best friend were sleeping together. I broke up with him and ended my friendship with her. My ex was an inconsistent father and only really stepped up to appease some of his family when our son was newly turned 2.

My ex-best friend was really enthusiastic about it and she called herself a

I told her that I was glad her two timing slutty ass wasn't going to be in my son's life anymore and she was never going to be his mommy in any kind of way. She didn't like me calling her that and she tried to say she had grown so much

and I should be glad someone who loves me also loved my son like she did and I told her she never loved me because if she didn't, she wouldn't have slept with the father of my child while I was pregnant and then sent her ex (who she cheated on) to me expecting me to lie about it so he wouldn't know she'd cheated.

My ex and ex-best friend ended up getting back together but then my ex died. She went crazy because ex's family pushed her out once they found out. She wasn't welcome for any of the funeral planning or anything surrounding the funeral because they wanted my son around and they knew that needed to include me (we're on okay terms) and they knew I wasn't about to spend time with her.

She tried to argue with me the day before the funeral because nobody would tell her anything and she didn't think it was fair that I got to be around for that stuff while I hated him and she loved him but was shunned. I ignored her and carried on about my life.

I guess at some point she talked to one of my ex's siblings and calmed down about that. But then she wanted to be in my son's life still. I blocked her number so she couldn't reach me and blocked her on my socials but she was using fake accounts and somehow using random numbers to text me from.

I ignored her pleas to see my son. I feel like my silence said everything. But after months of no reply from me she decided to harass one of my friends so I went to her directly and told her I don't owe her anything, which was something she said to me that I owed her at least some contact with my son, including a relationship with MY son.

I told her she was never anything to him and I wanted her to fade away from our lives because there was nothing to keep her around now. She broke down and then her sister (who I forgot to remove from my list) messaged me and asked why I had to be such an ass when she's grieving the love of her life or whatever.. AITA?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others,” says Dr. Brené Brown. By refusing contact with someone who violated her trust at the deepest level, our OP honored her own self‑respect and demonstrated that some lines—especially those drawn around family—are non‑negotiable.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us, “Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” Betrayal by a close friend can trigger a trauma response akin to grief, anxiety, and hypervigilance. Removing the friend from her life was a vital step in reclaiming safety for both mother and child.

“One major function of anger is to remind us of our boundaries,” explains psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner. The OP’s anger—expressed in her blunt declaration—served as a powerful signal that this ex‑friend’s advances crossed every healthy boundary. Anger, in this context, wasn’t a flaw; it was an indicator that her protective instincts were firing correctly.

Healing from such a breach also demands a supportive ecosystem. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, “True emotional connection cannot flourish without safety and trust.” Forging strong bonds with reliable friends, family, or a therapist will help our OP—and her son—process the betrayal and move forward with confidence in their chosen circle.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Readers overwhelmingly backed the OP, labeling her ex‑friend a “homewrecker” with zero claim on the child. Many urged documenting any further harassment and even seeking a restraining order if needed. While a few sympathized with the friend’s grief, the consensus was clear: protecting a child from toxic influences far outweighs preserving a broken friendship.

shortgirl-bigworld − NTA at all. she truly doesn’t deserve you or your sons time, & she was never significant to him. good on you for holding your stance & protecting your family!

KateNotEdwina − Am with you! She’s no one to your son. She’s a horrible person. She knows what she’s done to you. You sound like an awesome Mum.

Nandojeju − NTA. Ignore her and if needed, see about filing a restraining order on her.

Ancient-Meal-5465 − It’s time for a restraining order.. NTA

kirinspeaks − NTA. She wasn't your friend, she was a homewrecker. She wasn't a bonus mommy, she was the affair partner turned girlfriend. She has no rights to your son, and you're well within your rights to protect him from her craziness.

l3ex_G − Nta document the harassment and see what you can do legally

mango1588 −

I WILL involve them and get a restraining order against her. I do not want any contact from her directly or from anyone else on her behalf, including you and will be documenting this.

RavenclawEC − NTA! She got involved with the father of your child while you were pregnant and still together... knowingly... you have every right to keep her away from you and your kid, as you told her, you owe her nothing! She is nobody to your child and has no right to demand anything from you....

Fire_or_water_kai − NTA She needs a cease and desist letter sent her way and be put on notice that the next step is a restraining order. Document everything. If you're in a one party state for recording, record every phone call. Save every message. Stockpile ammunition against her and calling the cops when she violates it.

JellicoAlpha_3_1 − *I don't give a single s**t if your sister is grieving. Your sister deserves everything that is happening to her right now. She fucked her pregnant best friend's boyfriend, dated him, and then expected that she would just still be my friend.

Now she wants to be a

Maybe in your piece of s**t family that is how things work, but in the real world...your sister is walking talking ass cancer in a skin suit.* *The two of you will leave me the f**k alone or I will file harassment charges and seek out restraining orders.* *Go the f**k away. Never contact me again.

And move the f**k on with your lives. You are all dead to me*. PS She wants in your son's life because he is a part of your ex...and she is desperate to hold on to that connection. It ain't about you. It's about your son. She's still the POS that stole your man.. So tell her to f**k off and be done with it. NTAH

Betrayal by someone you love can leave scars, but setting and enforcing boundaries is key to recovery. Have you ever had to cut off a former friend for your family’s well‑being? How did you navigate your own anger and guilt? Share your strategies and experiences below—your insight could help others weather similar storms.

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