AITA for telling my daughter the truth about being pregnant/giving birth?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy café, the aroma of fresh coffee swirling as a glowing 23-year-old mom-to-be leans across the table, eyes sparkling with dreams of a perfect, natural birth. Her mom, a seasoned parent of three, sips her latte, heart racing with a mix of love and worry, ready to spill the unfiltered truth about the wild ride of pregnancy and delivery.

The stakes feel sky-high—will this young woman’s bubble of serene birth plans burst under the weight of reality? Our heroine, the mom, dives in, hoping to arm her daughter with grit for the journey ahead. Grab a seat, friends—this tale of raw honesty and tender bonds is about to unfold!

‘AITA for telling my daughter the truth about being pregnant/giving birth?’

So I’m a mom of three kids. My oldest kid is my daughter, 23, and she’s four months pregnant right now with her first baby. She and her boyfriend are really excited to be parents and are preparing way ahead of time. They’ve made a birth plan, they’re buying baby clothes, in talks with a doula and midwife, etcetera.

She’s the first of any of her friends to have kids, so she’s been coming to me for advice. Recently we sat down for a mother-daughter lunch and were were talking about her birth plan. She asked my opinion on it. I pretty frankly told her my honest truth; she was being unrealistic with her expectations.

My first pregnancy didn’t go as planned (she was breech, which ended in an emergency c-section). With my last two I wanted a home birth, but with a VBAC that’s risky and I was advised against it. None of my pregnancies were comfortable (all my kids liked to kick the crap out of my insides, and I had gestational diabetes with my last).

So my daughter asked me to elaborate more. And I told her. About the tearing, the episio, pissing yourself, hair falling out postpartum, how much breastfeeding can hurt. I didn’t sugar coat. I went into pregnancy blind and had a rude awakening when I started having kids.

She got visibly nervous during our talk. I assured her none of it was unbearable; I got my kids out of it after all. But it wasn’t an amazing experience and “forgetting about the pain” wasn’t accurate in my experiences. I told her she needed to be ready. She asked if I was trying to scare her off a home/natural birth and I’m not...

I just wanted to let her know things don’t always go as planned. We didn’t fight, but she got huffy and started saying I wasn’t helping, she just wanted some advice not scare tactics. My husband thinks I should have been more tactful as well... but I think she needed the hard truth about it all.

Spilling the beans on birth is a bold move—mom’s heart was in the right place, aiming to prep her daughter for the unpredictable. The clash? Daughter’s dreaming of a calm, natural delivery, while mom’s battle scars—breech babies, C-sections, and kicks galore—paint a grittier picture. Both have valid angles: hope fuels plans, but reality loves a curveball.

This ties into a bigger truth: birth is a wildcard. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists notes 60% of U.S. births involve some intervention (acog.org), a far cry from the serene pool-and-candles vision. Expectations can trip you up when labor laughs at your script.

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Dr. Michel Odent, a childbirth expert, said in a 2019 Guardian interview, “Women need to feel safe and undisturbed for labor to progress well” (theguardian.com). Mom’s tales of tearing and pee might jolt, but they nod to prepping for surprises—Dr. Odent’s “safe” vibe thrives with flexibility. Daughter’s nerves are natural; fear can tense labor, so balance is key.

Chat with her again—say every birth’s unique, yours was tough but hers might shine. Suggest a solid Plan B: pack for a hospital, chat with the midwife about C-section odds. Resources like Lamaze classes or the NHS’s birth prep tips (nhs.uk) can ground her. Honesty’s gold, just soften it with hope—she’s got this!

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rolled in like a chatty crew at a baby shower, dishing out takes with spice and heart! Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

mckinnos − NTA. You told her the truth so she can be prepared and make the best, most informed decision for herself. Also, it’s important for her to know the birth issues that her mom experienced because that could happen to her. She might be mad now, but she’ll be happy in the future that she knew the risks.

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DarkDirector19 − NAH. She asked and you gave, no holds barred. If you sugar coated it, she would have come back to you after and asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME I’D POOP MYSELF DURING BIRTH?!” In my opinion, honesty is the best policy.

_i_open_at_the_close − NTA- I wish more people were honest about birth. When I had my first, I was the first in my group friend to have kids so I didn't really have anyone to talk to. So I read books... let me tell you, books make everything seem shiny and easy. Its total b**lshit. I was completely honest after my friends got pregnant. They were glad to know what really happened.

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PrincessCG − Nah. A lot of the information out there doesn’t do enough to prepare women for the reality of childbirth and what hell it can be handling a baby the first 12 months. I thought I’d have a “natural birth” all calm, serene, labour in a pool etc.

I was induced and ended up in an emergency section. Breastfeeding hurt like a mofo. Healing from the section HA! It got infected. Cluster feedings 😫 I think you showed her the other side and it probably burst her bubble. But I wish my antenatal/breastfeeding classes covered more.

Kreeblim − Absolutely nta. When i was pregnant i wish i had been told everything. Maybe Also mention she might end up with her gallbladder out. I was 5 weeks pp and i went to urgent care for side pain. They all asked me if i had been having attacks. I said no but i just had a baby.

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Every nurse and dr said 'oh yea, that'll do it' i literally had no idea. My mom told me about peeing myself. Vaginal tearing, the uterus massage that is almost worse then the labor. I wish someone had warned me and prepared me instead of calling it a miracle and sugar coating every detail.

BaconFaceHappyPants − NAH, but I think you need to follow up with her and explain to her that your experiences are not the experiences of all. Letting her know that things may not go as planned is one thing, but she also stands the chance that things will go as planned. Or that what was bad for you may not be for her. No two pregnancies/deliveries are alike.

[Reddit User] − Soft YTA because you keep phrasing things like your experience is THE TRUTH and easy births and pregnancies are a lie. She may have an experience similar to yours, but she might not. My mom struggled for years to conceive, went overdue with me and ended up having a C-section.

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I got pregnant my first try, went into a labor a few weeks early and had a fairly easy birth with no tearing or physical trauma, didn't find labor particularly painful, never peed myself, didn't have hair fall out noticeably. Other people I know had different experiences. Breastfeeding can hurt at times, sure but it's not always torturous.

The point is none of you know how her birth will go, and acting like her expectations are less valid than what you are presenting is an AH move. You could have prepared her by making sure she made plans for what she wants if her birth doesn't go perfectly according to plan without making it seem like birth is always awful and she's going to suffer no matter what. Fear isn't going to help do anything but make labor worse.

coconutshave − INFO— sometimes women have a “dream birth” in mind and they think it will be like a wedding or prom or something, and these huge goals they just have to have— I’ll have no drugs and no interventions and my husband will give me a lavender massage as Enya plays and the whole video will be beautiful and they are heartbroken when it doesn’t happen.

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If your warning was to bring her to reality so she doesn’t get caught up on a fantasy birth NAH. But a lot of scary birth stories are just to scare or to show off what horrors your survived or to punish her for getting pregnant and fear makes birth so much worse. In that case, YTA.. And everyone pees and poos when giving birth— don’t scare her about that.

mwhitman90 − NAH, she asked your opinion and then asked you to elaborate. If she didn't want to hear your answer, she shouldn't have asked for more details. However, while you are not at fault for being truthful, she is not at fault for asking in the first place.

srslyeffedmind − NAH. Birth is sugarcoated and it shouldn’t be. Knowing risks and about the nitty gritty details should be part of any informed birth plan.

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These gems range from fist-bumps for truth to gentle nudges for tact—some swear by raw talk, others wave a hope flag! Are they onto something, or just tossing confetti at the chaos? One thing’s clear: birth’s a hot topic, and this crowd’s got opinions to spare.

This whirlwind of a mom’s gritty truth and a daughter’s big dreams lands us in a tender spot. Honesty clashed with hope, leaving a pregnant 23-year-old rattled but maybe wiser, and a mom wondering if she overdid it. It’s a dance of love and prep—tough tales might save the day or spook the stork! What would you do if your kid asked for the real deal on birth? Spill your thoughts, feelings, or wild birth stories below—how’d you juggle truth and cheer for a mom-to-be?

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