Aita for telling my daughter that she can’t have kids while she still lives in my house?

Amico Deshi Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The dining room glows with soft lamplight, but the air crackles with tension as a mother delivers a tough-love ultimatum to her daughter. After decades of raising kids, this 62-year-old woman dreams of a quiet retirement with her husband, only to find her home still bustling with her 27-year-old daughter and son-in-law. When baby fever strikes the younger couple, a blunt rule—no babies under this roof—sparks hurt feelings and icy silences, leaving readers gripped by a family standoff.

This Reddit saga tugs at the heartstrings, blending a mother’s yearning for freedom with a daughter’s dream of motherhood. The clash of generations, fueled by love and frustration, raises a thorny question: is it selfish to prioritize your own peace after years of sacrifice, or does family owe each other endless support? Dive into this emotional tug-of-war that’s got everyone talking.

‘Aita for telling my daughter that she can’t have kids while she still lives in my house?’

I know it sounds bad but here's the story. I (62f) live with my husband (65m) who I my kids stepfather. I had 3 kids with my first husband who passed away a few years ago, they are all relatively successful. 2 of them have moved out but one still lives with me, which I don't mind, but I think it's time that they be on their own as the others are.

Oldest kid: 30 Male. Moved out years ago, lives with his wife and the recently had their first baby. Middle Kid: 27 Female. Married for 2 years, her and her husband live with me while they save up for a place.. Youngest: 22 Female. Lives in a college dorm in another city.

Ever since my son and Dil had their baby, my oldest daughter has been baby crazy and has been constantly talking about how she can't wait to be a mom. I love my daughter but I don't want a baby in the house.

I stopped at 3 for a reason. I don't want her to live here forever, I want her and her husband to have their own lives, while my husband and I to have our own lives by ourselves.

A couple nights ago at dinner I sat her down and told her my reasoning and told her that if she wants a baby that badly then her and her husband need to start looking for their own place.

She didn't take it too well and called me selfish and that I only think about myself. Which right now is true, for 30 years i've put my kids first and now I want to put myself first. I hardly think I'm selfish for that.

I tried to explain my reasoning and her husband said he understood but I know he was angry too. My husband is on my side and says I'm nta. For the past week my daughter and son in law have been ignoring me an only talks to me when its necessary.

I told some friends about what happened and most understand where I'm coming from but a couple said that I am TA as it wouldn't matter because its not my baby so I wouldn't have any responsibility towards it.

I don't know what to do, I don't want my daughter to hate me but I'm getting older and I would like for my kids to be independent while my husband and I can enjoy retirement together.. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

Setting boundaries with adult children is like navigating a minefield of love and guilt. The OP, after 30 years of prioritizing her kids, wants her home back for a peaceful retirement, a reasonable desire. Her daughter, caught in baby fever, sees the no-kids rule as a personal attack, while her husband quietly stews. The OP’s blunt delivery may have fanned the flames, but her core point stands: a baby would disrupt her hard-earned tranquility.

This tension reflects a broader trend. A 2023 AARP study found 37% of adults over 50 have adult children living at home, often delaying retirement plans (Source). The OP’s daughter, saving for a home, faces economic pressures, but her baby plans burden her parents’ space.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Newman advises, “Clear boundaries preserve relationships. Adult children must respect parents’ needs for autonomy” (Source). Newman’s perspective highlights the OP’s right to set house rules, though a softer approach might’ve eased the sting. The daughter’s hurt stems from feeling rejected, not just restricted.

ADVERTISEMENT

The OP could try a follow-up talk, affirming her love while reiterating her need for space. Suggesting a timeline for moving out, paired with resources like first-time homebuyer programs, could bridge the gap.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s got some spicy opinions on this family drama, dishing out tough love with a side of sass. From cheering the OP’s boundary-setting to roasting the daughter’s entitlement, these comments don’t hold back. Here’s the community’s take:

d0n7w0rry4b0u717 − NTA If they can't afford a home, they can't afford a child. Only s**tty people **purposefully** have children when their life isn't in order yet (being able to provide all basic needs for a themselves).

ADVERTISEMENT

If the child was a legit accident or they were in a good position, had a baby, and then some bad luck came around, it'd be a different story. S**t happens and I'm not going to judge people as assholes for situations that are out of their control. But if she and her husband **try** for a baby right now, they suck.

InaudibleDusk − NTA She's almost 30, her husband presumably as well. They don't need to be imposing extra family members in your home.. It's your home, and raising a child is not peaceful. It's crazy and disruptive.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Even if the baby wouldn't technically be your responsibility, it's still a huge lifestyle adjustment to have a baby in the house, and as the grandma you would probably end up helping out a lot. I hardly see how they can call you selfish as you're letting them live in your house!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. At all! You and your husband deserve time to yourselves and to live out your lives as you see fite.. Frankly, your daughter and her husband do need to get out sooner rather than later.. They dont have any reason to be getting pregnant right now. They need to get out.. And you do have the right to practice tough love and force them out.

WholeESheep − Hard NTA - It’s time she moves out on her own and stops being coddled. That is so immature to act like this to your parents when you are almost 30 and living in their home still.

autumnssong − NTA. She’s almost thirty and is capable to find a place of her own and responsible enough. You have had three kids already! She should understand.

ADVERTISEMENT

strictlysteez − Nta. It's your house, your rules. She can have a baby if she wants but she'll need to find a new place to live.

blazekurosaki − NTA. You have given them a place to live and get finances together. Don’t let them walk over you and have a kid. You’ve done so much hard work, nows the time to relax.

BlackWidow21968 − NTA-If they can't afford their own place, they shouldn't have a baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

notastepfordwife − its not my baby so I wouldn't have any responsibility towards it Pfft. They live with you. That'll be your kid to raise because they're gonna realize it's not easy to do.. My MIL raises my SIL's kids because she realized 'it's too hard.'. You did your child raising. It's YOUR TURN.. NTA.

These Reddit zingers hit hard, but do they nail the truth, or are they just fanning the flames?

This tale of baby dreams and house rules lays bare the messy dance of family obligations. The OP’s craving for a kid-free retirement clashes with her daughter’s maternal itch, leaving both sides raw. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t mean endless sacrifice. What would you do if your adult kid pushed your limits at home? Would you set a hard rule or bend a little? Drop your thoughts below and let’s hash it out!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *