AITA for telling my daughter it’s her fault that her babysitter quit?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In a lively home buzzing with three young kids, a mom’s patience hit its limit when her 6-year-old’s sassy streak sent their beloved babysitter packing. With a baby on her hip and a tight schedule, she’d counted on the sitter to keep things smooth—until her eldest, mimicking a friend’s bossy antics, declared herself “the boss” one too many times. The final straw? A screaming match that had the sitter dialing mom to quit on the spot.

Now, with no sitter and swim class on hold, mom laid it bare: her daughter’s actions caused the chaos. The girl’s sulking, dad’s wincing, and mom’s wondering if her tough love went too far. This Reddit tale dives into the messy world of parenting, consequences, and a kid’s big attitude. Was mom right to call out her daughter, or did she hit too hard?

‘AITA for telling my daughter it’s her fault that her babysitter quit?’

I have 3 kids: 6, 4 and nearly a year old. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I hired a sitter to pick the other two up from school and watch them. We really liked her and appreciated her. My eldest loved her babysitter but she began to develop a huge attitude.

I know one of her friends has a nanny who she’s basically allowed to boss around with little consequence. We told my daughter that her sitter is in charge and she’s to respect her, not demand things of her. A few months ago, the sitter asked my daughter to grab the baby’s diaper bag and my daughter sassed back saying

“You can’t tell me what to do, I’m the boss of you!” Sitter told me that night and I immediately addressed it, in front of the sitter. I told my daughter that was not acceptable, she’s not the boss of anyone and I took away her TV privilege for a week.

It happened again just a month later and I had a much sterner talk with her, took away more privileges. Both times I made her verbally apologize and write a note of apology to her sitter. The sitter accepted it but I could tell she was losing patience.

I didn’t blame her and ended up giving her a raise out of guilt. I also stopped arranging playdates for her and the friend who treated her nanny terribly (they don’t go to the same school, so they don’t see each other at all anymore).

I’ll add I did try talking with my daughter calmly and asking why she felt this was okay. She’d say “We pay her, I’m her boss”. And I said no, that’s not true. I said she is hired to take care of her and deserved respect. My daughter would always seem to understand.

Well, things came to a head a few weeks ago. My daughter was acting up, sitter had tried several de-escalation tactics but finally told her to go have quiet time in her room. My daughter screamed in her face “I’m the boss of you! I’ll get you fired!”

The sitter calmly picked up the phone and called me (we have cameras in our house-which she knew about) and told me to come home, immediately. Upon arrival, she quit. Nothing I said or did could make her stay, and I understood. I was furious with my daughter and let her have it.

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She had several things taken away from her and she didn’t do anything remotely fun until recently. This whole thing has left us in a bind. Luckily, the school that my younger two go to is open later, so I can pick them up when I get off work.

I’ve been scrambling to find a new sitter but in the meantime, I got my daughter into an afterschool program. Because there’s no more sitter, there’s no one to take her to her swim class. She’s been complaining that she can’t do it anymore and I told her that it’s her own fault.

She is why her sitter quit and until I can find someone new, she won’t get to do the fun activities that her sitter took her to. My husband agrees that there’s nothing we can do, but thinks I was far too harsh with our daughter, saying she’s only 6. AITA?

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Raising kids can feel like herding cats, and this mom’s clash with her 6-year-old shows how fast defiance can derail a household. The daughter’s bossy outbursts, echoing a friend’s influence, pushed the sitter to her limit, costing the family a valued helper. Mom’s blunt “it’s your fault” aimed to teach accountability, but at 6, kids grasp consequences better through guidance than shame. Her punishments—lost privileges, apologies—were solid, but the final call-out may have stung too deep.

Child behavior is a mirror. A 2023 Child Mind Institute study found 65% of young kids mimic peers’ attitudes, needing clear boundaries to reset. Dr. Tovah Klein, a child psychologist, says, “Consequences work when paired with empathy to build understanding, not guilt”. Mom’s frustration is valid, but a calmer talk about respect might stick better.

Rebuilding means reinforcing rules with the new sitter and fostering empathy. Family meetings could align expectations.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s parenting posse dove in like a splashy cannonball, with some cheering mom’s tough love and others wagging fingers at shaming a 6-year-old. From natural consequences to calls for empathy, the comments are a lively playdate. Jump in for their juicy takes:

Magpie2632 - NTA - Her actions impacted someone enough to make them quit a job they were being paid to do. She has soiled her reputation as word spreads fast within the babysitter community if a child treats their caregiver like that. I imagine this wasn’t three isolated events but more like it was happening way more frequently

but those three times were when the babysitter was at her last straw. The consequences before didn’t work and now the impact of her actions is bothering her. She is old enough to know now that her actions had consequences and this is why she can’t go to her fun activities.

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ray-of-fing-sunshine - NTA. Personally, I think pointing out that not being able to go swim is a direct result if not having a sitter and that not having a sitter is a result of her behavior is a good example of natural consequences. And when you get a new sitter, I would carefully go over appropriate behavior again.. I would want to have a plan with the new sitter for if she tries the same tactics again.

Efficient-Leek - Edit: I'm editing to acknowledge this is unpopular on this sub but is backed by studies on child development and psychology so I'm not ashamed that my opinion is deemed 'wrong' here. YTA, your kid is 6.

Sure they are old enough to understand consequences but nothing that your child did was developmentally inappropriate for her age, nor were they things that couldn't have been dealt with in a patient manner. Having kids tests your nerves. I've got a 9 year old and a 7 year old. It doesn't get easier. It gets only harder.

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Saying 'this is all your fault, you're a brat' is absolutely not the way to approach this. Maybe sit down. Apologize for how you spoke to her (yes apologize. Apologizing to kids when you are wrong is incredibly Important and teaches personal responsibility and the ability to admit they were wrong in the future) , and explain what you really meant.

Tell your 6 year old when she treats people bad and makes them feel bad they might not want to be around her. And that the way she treated her babysitter made her feel bad. Cite specific examples 'remember when you said this' 'remember when you did this'

(Adding: once your child acknowledges she did something wrong, and she made the sitter feel bad, then bring up missing out on swimming as a consequence of that because no she has to go to aftercare elsewhere.

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And that when you do find a new sitter she can go back to swimming but she's going to have to try really hard and treat her new baby sitter the way she wants people to treat her so she doesn't miss out on it anymore)

Instill empathy instead of shame in your child while still framing what happend as a consequence of how she acted.. I will always recommend reading and research on child development. Your daughter is old enough to understand, but she is not old enough to be shamed into compliance without lasting psychological effects.

lameassftm - If she’s old enough to understand that y’all pay her and “she’s their boss” she’s old enough to get told “it’s your fault she left.” she was being snotty af and you’re saving yourself and husband a lot of trouble dealing with it now. NTA.

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SiriKillJenna - Info Was there more to this besides a 6 year old throwing a fit and saying 'I'm the boss of you' a few times? Like yes that's rude and inappropriate but so are 6 year olds. Sounds like you did a good job in trying to reign in that behavior

but if that was the only thing wrong, it sounds like the babysitter overreacted. Calling the parents and demanding they rush home asap so you can quit because a child yelled something not nice (that she probably doesn't even fully comprehend at this point)?

If your sitter quit because the kid was having one outburst a month, she probably shouldn't have a job with kids. If daughter was constantly a brat and that's what drove the sitter away that's another story

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Amanya98 - NTA your daughter was out of control and for a six year old her punishments were fine. She’s out of line completely and until she gets herself together most would have pulled her out of swim entirely because of her n**ty behavior. I don’t know what her friends sitter was going through but the sitter you had was smart.

mediastoosocial - Your husbands mad, but all you did was tell your daughter the truth. It *is* her fault the sitter quit and it’s a good lesson about actions having consequences, especially since it’s cost her the swimming lessons.. I have a 6 year old daughter too, she’s headstrong with a big attitude - hang in there. NTA.

[Reddit User] - I love how OP has asked for a judgment online about whether or not she or her 6 year old is an a**hole. Look, I see all these top comments claiming you’re not the a**hole and I’m sure you’re feeling pretty good about yourself right now.

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But guess what? YTA. Why? Because you’ve raised this little person. I’m amazed at how many parents won’t take ownership when their children do/say things like this. I think it’s good that you were honest with your daughter about why this happened,

but you also need to be honest with yourself. Honestly, if you’re here trying to feel better about a confrontation with a 6 year old, then I just don’t even know. Take responsibility for your child.

[Reddit User] - NTA, she's old enough to start learning that actions have consequences

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[Reddit User] - NTA for telling her, but you really should figure out where she's learning this behaviour from. The kid is clearly having this behaviour reinforced somewhere other than the bossy friend.. ~~Edit: maybe no more visits to the bossy friend until she starts to behave.~~

These Reddit riffs are as bold as a kid’s tantrum, but do they miss the daughter’s perspective? Or is mom’s wake-up call the real lesson?

This babysitter saga shows how a kid’s attitude can ripple through a family, leaving tough lessons in its wake. Mom’s sharp words to her daughter aimed to hammer home accountability, but their sting raises questions about balancing truth with care. The girl’s defiance needed a check, but was the blame too heavy for a 6-year-old? Share your thoughts—have you faced a child’s behavior shaking up your home? How would you teach this little “boss” to respect without breaking her spirit?

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