AITA for telling my daughter in law she needs to let my son be in the delivery room instead of her mother?

In the warm glow of a Wednesday night dinner, a mother-in-law seizes a quiet moment to urge her pregnant daughter-in-law, Katy, to swap her mom for her husband in the delivery room, despite COVID’s one-partner rule. Katy’s choice, rooted in insecurity about being seen in pain, clashes with the mother-in-law’s belief that her son deserves to witness his daughter’s birth. Tempers flare, and her son threatens to cut contact.

This isn’t just about a hospital policy—it’s a storm over who calls the shots in childbirth. Reddit’s YTA verdict roars for Katy’s right to choose, slamming the mother-in-law’s meddling. Like a nursery painted with tension, the story probes the delicate dance of family boundaries, asking how far you’d push to shape a loved one’s life-changing moment.

‘AITA for telling my daughter in law she needs to let my son be in the delivery room instead of her mother?’

My daughter in law, Katy, is currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild, a baby girl. I really love Katy, her and my son have been together about 6 years now and I have a good relationship with her, but we’ve recently come to a head on this discussion.

Due to COVID, the hospital Katy plans on delivering her baby in has a one birthing partner limit, and instead of choosing my son, she chose her mother. My son claims that they had a discussion about it and he was okay with it, but I think it’s completely inconsiderate of Katy to deprive my son of this incredible experience.

Sure, her mother is her support system, but so is my son. Katy is also an extremely insecure girl, and has said she doesn’t want my son seeing her in that much pain and discomfort, which having 3 babies myself I do understand, but I do not think it’s good enough reason to not let my son see his baby being born, it’s his baby just as much as hers.

They come round to my house for dinner once a week, usually on a Wednesday, so last night. My son got up to go to the bathroom so I decided to have a quick word with Katy. I wasn’t pushy, I just suggested that she should have my son in the delivery room instead of her mother as it was his right to be there.

She said they’d agreed between themselves that it was okay, but I know my son and I just can’t imagine him being okay with that. I asked her why she didn’t want my son in the room and she explained why, her insecurities etc, and I told her she was being idiotic. For someone soon to be a mother she sure is childish.

She shouted for my son and my son was furious at me, telling me that he was okay with whatever Katy wanted and that he’d only be sitting outside, he’d get to see his daughter straight away. I said that wasn’t good enough and he said that if I kept this up I wouldn’t be seeing my granddaughter at all which is just ludicrous. AITA?

The mother-in-law’s intervention, though well-meaning, was a gross overstep, undermining Katy’s autonomy during a vulnerable time. Katy’s choice of her mother as her birth partner, supported by her husband, reflects her need for comfort, not a slight against him. Calling her “idiotic” and “childish” dismisses her valid insecurities, escalating a private decision into a public clash.

A 2023 study in Birth found that 72% of birthing women feel empowered when they control who’s in the delivery room, reducing stress (Wiley, 2023). Dr. Neel Shah, an obstetrician, notes, “The birthing person’s comfort dictates the room’s dynamic—others’ preferences are secondary” (Harvard.edu). The mother-in-law’s insistence ignores this, risking Katy’s trust.

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Reddit’s YTA consensus rightly champions Katy’s agency, though some miss the mother-in-law’s emotional stake in her son’s experience. The son’s threat of no contact signals deeper boundary issues.

She should apologize to Katy, affirming her right to choose, and rebuild trust with a supportive gesture, like a care package (WhatToExpect.com). A family meeting to clarify boundaries could prevent future clashes.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s dishing out a buffet of spicy takes on this mother-in-law’s delivery room drama, with sharp jabs at her meddling and cheers for Katy’s choice—grab a plate of these fiery opinions!

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ThrowawayD121 - YTA. She's the one passing the human out of her body, she's the one that decides who is in the room with her.

[Reddit User] - YTA. Oh my god you are so the arse. This is not your business, it is Katie's decision and your son is OK with it so b**t out Granny. And stop insulting your daughter in law - some women (myself included) do not wish to be watched during labour, there is nothing wrong with that.

[Reddit User] - My daughter in law, Katy, is currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild, a baby girl. Due to COVID, the hospital Katy plans on delivering her baby in has a one birthing partner limit, and instead of choosing my son, she chose her mother.. her mother is her support system.

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She doesn’t want my son seeing her in that much pain and discomfort. She said they’d agreed between themselves that it was okay Let the woman have her birth in peace and decide who SHE wants to be with her in the room. I'm sick and tired of people making decisions for s**t that women actually have to go through.. YTA. :)

Scout_321 - YTA. You are a manipulator. You waited until your son was away from his wife, and then attempted to strong-arm her into complying with your wishes. To make matters even worse, you targeted a pregnant woman, who is already in a vulnerable state due to hormones, etc. I doubt this is the first time you’ve done something like this, as your son threatened no contact. Be better.

Periwinklepaisley - YES. YTA. This issue is none of your concern if this if your son wants to be in the delivery Room that is his discussion to have with his wife not yours. Not sure how long you've been a mother in law but I think it's probably good advice for you to learn how to step back and shut your mouth..... You are just making things more difficult for yourself and for everyone else

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justmy2centsforyou - YTA. It is absolutely not your place to have a say in this. You will soon find yourself on r/JUSTNOMIL (if you're the MIL, you could be DIL too) It's Katys baby ( and your sons), Katys body, Katys birth and even your son is fully onboard and supportive of her choice.

klaw14 - Anyone else get the feeling that if the situation were flipped - if it were OP's *own daughter* giving birth - and the daughter chose to have her husband in the room instead of the mother, that OP wouldn't hesitate to crack the shits at not being chosen to go into the delivery room??. YTA.

Flashy-Theory - YTA, if they had already agreed on it then it should be fine. They are both adults and this is a personal choice. You calling her childish was wrong. She should have whatever support she wants by her side. You also suggested it in a demanding manner. She “needs” to let my son in the room.

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RaptorTractatus - YTA. As an expectant mother, I can tell you that you're lucky your son warned you that your behavior would lead to being cut off instead of just doing it. Your behavior was abysmal at best. You called your DIL idiotic and accused her of being childish because she and her husband made a choice together about how their child would enter the world?

And you're seriously wondering if you're the a**hole in this scenario? You don't know your son better than his own wife, the woman he was intimate enough with to conceive a child and clearly had intimate conversations about her anxiety of childbirth, it's absurd that you would think this.

My MIL ASKED me if her son would be in the delivery room with me, listened respectfully to my decision, and then proceeded to tell us a very funny story about how she banned her husband from the delivery room because 'she couldn't be bothered worrying about his weak stomach' while laboring. I have no idea if she agreed or disagreed with our decision to have my husband in the room with me, because she knows it's exactly none of her business.

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She just loves us and wants to make sure we feel loved and supported during this incredibly special time. Your son and DIL need your love and support right now, not your judgement about the choices they make as parents.

spacemonkeypantz - YTA. The only one who has any say in who gets to be in the delivery room is the person giving birth. Mind your own business.

These are Reddit’s boldest bites, but do they serve up the full flavor of birth rights and family fights?

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This saga of a mother-in-law’s delivery room push and a pregnant woman’s firm stand is a vivid reminder that childbirth is no place for unsolicited votes. Reddit’s YTA chorus crowns Katy’s autonomy, tossing the mother-in-law’s demands out like yesterday’s leftovers. It’s a lesson in respecting the one pushing out the baby, not the ones pushing opinions. How would you handle a family member meddling in your most personal moments? Drop your thoughts below—let’s deliver some clarity on this family feud!

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