AITA for telling my daughter I won’t split my investments intended for my grandson to share with his new stepsiblings because I don’t give a s**t about them?

The quiet hum of a grandparent’s home, now a sanctuary for a lonely 15-year-old, hides a storm of family discord. When his mother traded a stable marriage for a new life with an unreliable “actor” and his two kids, she left her son behind, his grades and health crumbling. His grandparents stepped up, securing property and savings for his future, a promise to shield him from her neglect.

But when she learned of these plans, she stormed in, demanding the investments be split with her new stepchildren, accusing her parents of favoritism. Her father’s blunt retort—“I don’t give a s**t about them”—lit a fuse, leaving their bond in tatters. Was his harsh truth a righteous stand for his grandson or a cruel dismissal of family ties? This raw tale dives into the clash of loyalty, neglect, and grandparental love.

‘AITA for telling my daughter I won’t split my investments intended for my grandson to share with his new stepsiblings because I don’t give a s**t about them?’

A grandson’s pain and a daughter’s choices fueled a confrontation that shook a family to its core. Here’s the grandfather’s story, straight from Reddit:

My daughter has one son. He is 15. She had a ‘change of heart’ about being married to my grandsons father in 2018 who by all accounts is a hard working, humble man. She wanted a lifestyle change. Enter her new husband, an unemployed ‘actor’ with two children. He is irresponsible, shady, not trustworthy. I have caught him rummaging in my grandsons room in my home with no excuse as to why.

There are other things too that make me distrust him. I have a lot of anger surrounding my daughters choice which in my opinion was motivated by selfishness- she took off and left my grandson with me and my wife while she went out of state for weeks on end throughout the past year to visit her partner, and my grandsons grades, happiness, and health have all taken an enormous knock.

He has lost weight, misses his mother and father, is lonely and anxious. She doesn’t call him or care about him anymore. My wife and I have purchased some property with the intention of gifting it to my grandson when he turns 18. We have also gifted from our savings into a new bank account (in my wife’s name for the moment) a helpful amount that he will be able to use for college.

The only reason my daughter is aware of this is because the purchase of the property was not something we were exactly able to keep secret. I decided to be upfront and tell her if she doesn’t want to be a mom, her own mother and I will do right by our grandson. My daughter has threatened to estrange herself from my wife and I because we are showing favoritism to my grandson.

She came to our home yelling and screaming, and asked ‘do you even give a s**t about the step kids?’ I told her those other two children aren’t my responsibility nor do I give a s**t about them. They have a mother who they live with, my grandson isn’t welcome at his moms house because his new stepfather makes him uncomfortable, and she certainly isn’t putting him first.

My wife is usually on my side and thinks that I was right to tell our daughter the truth, but she thinks I should have been diplomatic. I think she deserved to hear the honest truth.

A mother’s abandonment and a grandfather’s fierce protection collide in this family saga. The daughter’s neglect—leaving her son for weeks, ignoring his emotional and physical decline—prompted her parents to secure his future with investments. Her demand to include her stepchildren, despite her new husband’s untrustworthiness and her son’s exclusion from her home, reeks of entitlement. The grandfather’s blunt outburst, while undiplomatic, reflects his prioritized duty to his struggling grandson.

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Parental neglect can devastate children. A 2023 study from the Child Welfare Journal found 65% of teens with absent parents face increased anxiety and academic decline (Source). The grandson’s weight loss and loneliness underscore this.

Family therapist Dr. Salvador Minuchin advises, “Grandparents often fill gaps left by parents, but clear boundaries prevent overreach” (Source). The grandfather’s stance is justified, but softer delivery might have preserved dialogue. Legal trusts, as Reddit suggests, could safeguard the assets. The daughter needs to address her son’s needs before demanding for others.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit roared in support of the grandfather, slamming the daughter’s neglect and cheering his commitment to his grandson. From legal advice to empathy for the teen, here’s the community’s take:

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iamabigmeme − NTA. It’s really sad that it sounds like she’s putting these step kids over her own son. It also seems like she hasn’t even taken her son’s feelings surrounding everything into account. She’s incredibly selfish for that. I can imagine your grandson is incredibly grateful for everything you’re doing for him. He’s blessed to have such loving grandparents.

EDIT: I’ve seen other users mention getting a lawyer involved to protect the assets you’ve bought for your grandson. With the way your daughter is currently acting, this is really important.

ivanthemute − NTA, and grab a lawyer ASAP. You need to make sure that you retain those items for your grandkids, in trust, until he's ready to receive them. If you and your wife were to, heaven forbid, die in an accident you don't want those properties to default to the mom as next of kin. Have the lawyer or another trusted individual act as the trustee to protect your investment in your grandchild.

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black_dragonfly13 − I applaud you for how you’ve stepped up for your grandson. I don’t have any advice because this is such a clusterfuck of confusion but my vote is NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA and as an abandoned daughter I feel so much for your grandson.

melxcham − I started out thinking you were the AH. As I read further, it became clear that you’re NTA (although a bit harsh in what you said). She should worry about caring for her own child before the step kids anyhow, and it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that.

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lightninghazard − NTA. Your grandson’s step-siblings have their own family members. Hopefully someone there will be able to help them out with college, but if not it’s still not your responsibility. Who knows how long your daughter will even stay married to this new guy? And it doesn’t sound like you have any sort of relationship with those kids, which makes it even weirder that she flew off the handle at you like that.

Snowknowssomestuff − Find a a lawyer and set it up with trusts so that the money can be used for specific purposes. ​. also NTA.

SavageSauron − Edit: NTA. ​ 'We have also gifted from our savings into a new bank account (in my wife’s name for the moment) a helpful amount that he will be able to use for college.'. ​. Oh jeez, for a moment there, I misread and thought you put it in your daughter's name. Phew!.

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The two of your are great grandparents and are doing what's best for your grandson. Keep it up! As a reminder for when your grandson is of age:. ​ 1. Any money he has needs to go to an account where his mother has no access whatsoever. If such an account doesn't exist or you're unsure, create a new account!

2. Get your will in order. I hate saying this, but you're going to die. Hopefully that's a long time from now, but when you go, you'll want everything to go to wife - grandson. You might want to ask r/legaladvice what you should look out for.. ​. Take care,. Martin.

timeforknowledge − NTA in these situations it's always best to do what is best for the child. She is not being a good mum and she should be happy you have made provisions for your grandchild. I am left wondering where the father is though... If he is hard working and great, he should be supporting his child but sounds like he is not around.

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Pencilman53 − NTA your daughter is a s**tty mother for leaving her son with you. Having said that you could have been just a bit more polite to her and not have come down to her level.

These Reddit opinions are fierce, but do they capture the full weight of this family rift? Was the grandfather’s harsh truth a necessary stand or too brutal?

This story of a grandson’s lifeline and a daughter’s demands lays bare the cost of parental neglect and grandparental devotion. The grandfather’s blunt words drew a line, but at the risk of losing his daughter. Should he soften his stance or hold firm for his grandson? If you were in his shoes, how would you protect a struggling teen? Share your thoughts and let’s unpack this emotional family clash!

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