AITA for telling my daughter I will help her out with her next wedding?

In a cozy suburban home, the air crackled with tension as a father’s sharp words cut through his daughter’s wedding dreams. At 57, he’s seen his 32-year-old daughter walk down the aisle three times, each marriage crumbling faster than a poorly baked cake. Now, facing her fourth engagement, his wallet’s firmly shut, and his tongue’s sharper than ever, sparking tears and family feuds.

The sting of his sarcasm—“I’ll help with the next one”—has left his daughter reeling, questioning his faith in her future. Readers, brace yourselves: is this dad a pragmatic hero or a callous critic of love’s rocky road?

‘AITA for telling my daughter I will help her out with her next wedding?’

My (M57) daughter (32) has been divorced thrice already. She got married at 25 to the love of her life. I have her $15,000 as help for the wedding. Marriage lasted 3 years. She married the love of her life when she was 30. I have her $5,000 for a much smaller more intimate wedding. Marriage lasted one year.

She married the guy that got her pregnant while she was married to never two. They divorced before my grandson was one.. She has met the love of her life and need money for the wedding.. I said I would help her with the next one.. Now she is crying to he mother calling me an a**hole for not believing in her future..

I have managed to stay married for 33 years. It's not that difficult.. My wife wants me to make peace by giving her some money. But I think it's a waste.. Your call. Am I the a**hole for my bad attitude towards my daughter's relationship?.

#EDIT I am not trying to change anyone's mind here. I feel that I insulted people when I said 'It's not that difficult' so I feel like I should explain what I meant. I met my wife when she was married to a guy I worked with. He passed away in an industrial accident. I saw it happen. After the funeral we became friends.

Three years later we realized we cared for each other so we started dating. We have had our ups and downs and we have gone for counseling when we went through a really rough patch. We work hard at being there for each other. My wife is beautiful and probably had many opportunities to be unfaithful but chose to stay with me and work on our marriage.

I saw all the young guys my age having fun and partying when I was using my wages to pay for my son's medical bills and such. I also chose to stay and work on my marriage. I don't remember who said it but it applies in marriage as well. 'In war everything is simple. But even the simplest things are difficult'.

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Navigating family finances and emotional expectations can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of crocodiles. This father’s refusal to bankroll his daughter’s fourth wedding, paired with a biting quip, has ignited a firestorm. On one side, he’s weary from funding three failed marriages; on the other, his daughter feels judged, her romantic optimism bruised. Both have valid points: he’s protecting his resources, while she craves support for her new chapter. But where’s the line between tough love and unnecessary harshness?

This scenario reflects a broader issue: setting boundaries in family dynamics. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 60% of parents report financial strain from supporting adult children, often leading to resentment (apa.org). The father’s frustration is understandable—$20,000 spent on weddings that didn’t last stings like a bad investment. Yet, his daughter’s hurt suggests a need for more empathy in delivery.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it determines the health of the relationship” (gottman.com). The father’s sarcasm veers into criticism, risking alienation. His intent—to curb reckless spending—is sound, but the delivery could use finesse. Gottman’s research emphasizes validating emotions before problem-solving, which could help here. Acknowledging her hopes while firmly stating his limits might bridge the gap.

For solutions, open communication is key. The father could propose a budget-friendly gesture, like hosting a small engagement dinner, to show support without breaking the bank. Alternatively, he could redirect funds to his grandson’s future, as some Redditors suggested, balancing care with boundaries. Both parties should aim for a heart-to-heart, focusing on mutual respect. This isn’t just about weddings—it’s about trust, love, and learning to say “no” without burning bridges.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got a knack for dishing out opinions with a side of sass, and this story’s no exception. Here are some hot takes from the community—candid, humorous, and occasionally savage:

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grid101 − NTA - was your comment callous? A bit, but that doesn't make it untrue.. $20k over three weddings is fine.. She can pay her own way now.

[Reddit User] − Your daughter's marriage success seems to be in direct proportion to the amount you contribute to her weddings, where 1 year = 5K. If I'm right, for her next marriage to last as long as your own, you need to invest 165,000.. NTA. Thank me later.

g3l33m − NTA. Sounds like your daughter thinks you're an ATM though. Tell her to elope next time.. and the time after that.. and..

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vercingetafix − NTA - you’ve already paid for two weddings and she’s now a grown up with kids of her own. If she wants to get married again, she can foot the bill this time.

Womzicles − I think your daughter likes the idea of a wedding more than staying married. NTA

Kitchen-Arm-3288 − So... it's time to take out a home mortgage to host a MASSIVE wedding?. * Marriage 1: 15,000 = 5k/year \* 3 years. * Marriage 2: 5,000 = 5k/year \* 1 year. * Marriage 3: 0 = 5k/year \* 0 years. * Marriage 4: (Potential) Following that trend: 5k/year \* 30 years = 150,000

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So Clearly You need to host a wedding with an elephant for 150k to give your daughter a lasting marriage! (Joking, if you couldn't tell) More seriously - You are under no obligation to fund another party for her. Save the money for your grandkid's education... and/or for their therapy - or just to go on a vacation with the grandkids!. NTA

PingpongAndAmnesia − NTA it was maybe a dickish thing to say, but if she wants to get married let her pay for it. She doesn't NEED a wedding. It is not crucial to her survival on this planet.

5footfilly − I think you should prove you have faith in your thrice married daughter.. Give her $500.00 towards the next divorce. Tell her it’s to stay ahead of the game.. NTA

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msdu5276769 − NTA. She's the one who made a joke out of it first.

RutzButtercup − I am gonna say you are halfway the a**hole. Your refusal to help is ok, your delivery was unneccesarily callous.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Some see the dad as a hero of tough love; others think his sarcasm crossed a line.

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This father-daughter saga is a spicy blend of love, money, and family friction. Is the dad a realist setting boundaries, or did his sharp tongue cut too deep? The Reddit crowd leans toward “NTA,” but relationships aren’t black-and-white. Balancing support with skepticism is tricky, especially when wallets and hearts are involved. What would you do if you were in this dad’s shoes—fund the fairy tale or draw the line? Share your thoughts, experiences, or even your own family drama below!

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