AITA for telling my daughter I told you so and I am not fixing it even though it will cost her thousands to fix?

In a cozy suburban home, the clatter of tiles and the sigh of a frustrated father set the stage for a family showdown. Ava, a 26-year-old homeowner, has a knack for diving headfirst into DIY projects, much to her dad’s chagrin. After helping her secure her dream house, her father’s warnings about leaving complex renovations to professionals echoed like a broken record. But when Ava’s latest bathroom tile venture turned into a costly catastrophe, her plea for help met a firm “I told you so.” Readers can’t help but wonder: is Dad the villain for standing his ground, or is Ava learning a pricey lesson in responsibility?

The stakes are high as Ava’s bathroom sits in disarray, a mosaic of her overconfidence. Her father’s refusal to swoop in as the fixer-upper hero has sparked tension, leaving readers curious about where to draw the line between tough love and family support. This tale of homeownership and hard lessons invites us to explore the balance of independence and reliance in family dynamics.

‘AITA for telling my daughter I told you so and I am not fixing it even though it will cost her thousands to fix?’

My son pointed me to this website. I have a 26 year old daughter named Ava. We helped her put a downpayment on a house and she is changing things in the home. I have told her so many time to hire a professional if it is not a DYI project.

I have had to fix so many of her projects and I put my foot down telling her I will not help from now on. Ava mentioned changing the tile in the bathroom and I told her she should hire someone for that if she isn’t using stick-on-tile. Well she went and tried to do it on her own and she made a huge mess of the bathroom.

She called me up and asked if I could fix this. I told her I told you so, we have done this dance way to many time and she needs to hire someone to fix it. She told me it will cost her thousands to fix and I could do it. Told her no again and she called me a jerk. Now she has a messed up bathroom since she needs to save up for someone to fix it and she thinks I am a jerk.

Ava’s DIY debacle is a classic case of enthusiasm outpacing expertise. Home renovations, especially tiling, demand precision that YouTube tutorials can’t always deliver. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer if handled with respect and clear boundaries” (Gottman Institute). Here, Ava’s father sets a boundary by refusing to fix her mistake, pushing her toward accountability.

This situation highlights a broader issue: the DIY culture’s allure can blind homeowners to their limits. According to a 2023 HomeAdvisor report, 60% of DIY projects lead to costly repairs when amateurs overstep their skills (HomeAdvisor). Ava’s overconfidence mirrors a common trend where young homeowners, eager to personalize their space, underestimate technical tasks. Her father’s stance, though harsh, aims to teach her to respect professional expertise.

Gottman’s insight suggests that Ava’s frustration and her father’s firmness could strengthen their relationship if they communicate openly. Ava might feel unsupported, but her dad’s refusal stems from a desire to foster independence. A practical solution? Ava could research local contractors, compare quotes, and budget for repairs, learning financial responsibility. Alternatively, she could study tiling basics under professional guidance to rebuild trust and skills.

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For families facing similar conflicts, setting clear expectations early—perhaps a written agreement on DIY limits—can prevent resentment. Ava’s dad could offer emotional support, like helping her find a reliable contractor, without taking on the labor himself. This balances love with accountability, turning a messy situation into a growth opportunity.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s verdict? A resounding “NTA” with a side of wit. The community sees Ava’s dad as a weary hero, tired of bailing out his daughter’s overzealous projects. Here’s what they had to say:

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LostDogBoulderUtah − NTA Tile isn't that complicated. If she can't pay someone to do it, she needs to watch a few YouTube videos on how to do it, put in the work, and quit trying to cut corners.

Moose-Live − NTA.. We helped her put a downpayment on a house. I have had to fix so many of her projects. Told her no again and she called me a jerk. She's happy to take your money and your DIY skills, but would prefer that you keep your advice to yourself.. Edited for clarity.

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Tessa_Kamoda − NTA. you suggested that she hired professionals. she thought she could do it herself (like the other times she started something where you had to step in so you told her that you wouldn't help her if this goes south). surprise, another project she couldn't do

and now expects you to fix her mistakes, costing you your time, your money, your nerves.. so no, not the a**hole for finally putting your foot down and stop handling / fixing her messes. btw, are you sure, like **really** sure, that it is just a freakish amount of cases of her overestimating her capabilities?

her not banking on the fact that you will come to her rescue? so in effect you paying for her renovations? *\*the wooden floor has to be changed, carpenter wants 15k, hmm, i buy the wood for 3k, rip out the old and then i ask

Jolly_Security_4771 − NTA. My dad was a private contractor/carpenter. He fed, housed, clothed, put braces on our janky teeth, and sent us to school by fixing DIY projects people had NO BUSINESS attempting. You were right. She didn't listen and created a hole where her bathroom is that she's going to have to throw money into until she pays a professional.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - you warned her and she ignored you. Actions have consequences, and this one is going to be a d**zy; but she will learn from it.

Kaverrr − NTA. Your daughter is clearly not taking you seriously in relation to these situations which shows a lack of respect to some degree. It's probably partly your own fault for coddling her too much. But it's time she learned to take some responsibility for her actions. Better late than never.

roxywalker − So if you were gone, what would Ava do without you? —-She’d manage! Her house, her responsibility, because she needs to take ‘ownership’ and learn how to handle home projects. NTA

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1962Michael − NTA. I have a similar problem with my widowed MIL. She clearly had a habit of buying materials or starting a project on her own, and then getting her husband to finish it. Now she pulls the same trick on me. She's now on her own and bought a house that needs some work.

We helped her paint every room in the house. Then I took up the carpet in the living room and refinished the floor. It didn't match, so she bought enough LVT for the entire house. I didn't start helping her quickly enough, so she tried to do it herself and I had to take it all out because of the gaps and redo it.

I had removed some vinyl picket fence from my yard, which she wanted for her yard. I haven't had time to put it in, because I was doing flooring instead. In my mind the flooring could wait because it was cosmetic and it can be done in winter. Now I'm probably going to have to take time off work when the weather is decent to put in her fence.. Stand firm. I'm already doomed; save yourself.

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GrilledStuffedDragon − NTA. Your daughter is an adult with her own house and problems. She can either get professionals to fix them or she can go online and learn how to fix them herself.

West-Importance-1619 − NTA shes spoiled af for thinking she can continue to make these mistakes and mommy and dada will help her every time.

These hot takes from Reddit are spicy, but do they nail the heart of the issue? Ava’s learning curve is steep, but the community agrees: sometimes, a costly lesson is the best teacher.

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Ava’s bathroom blunder and her dad’s tough love shine a light on the messy dance of family support and personal responsibility. By standing firm, her father hopes to teach a lesson, but at what cost to their bond? Readers, what’s your take? Would you have fixed Ava’s tiles to keep the peace, or let her face the music? Share your thoughts and experiences—have you ever faced a DIY disaster or a family standoff like this? Let’s hear it!

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