AITA for telling my date not to bother coming after she said she’d be 40 minutes late?

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A promising first date at a fun-themed restaurant took a sour turn when a Hinge match’s tardiness tested one man’s patience. After texting all day to confirm their 7:30 PM plans, he arrived on time, only to learn she hadn’t left home and would be 40 minutes late with a flimsy excuse. Frustrated, he told her to stay home, ate his pizza solo, and left, despite her late arrival.

Her apologies couldn’t salvage the night, and now his friends call him harsh. This Reddit tale of punctuality, respect, and dating expectations questions where to draw the line on a first impression. Was his stand a bold move for self-respect, or an overreaction? Let’s dive into this spicy dating drama.

‘AITA for telling my date not to bother coming after she said she’d be 40 minutes late?’

This happened a while ago and I don't feel guilty but friends keep suggesting to me since then that I was an a**hole. Here goes: I spoke to this girl (let's call her Carol) on Hinge and we have a good conversation, she seemed nice. Eventually we settled on a date and I booked a fun-themed restaurant/bar for 7:30pm the following Saturday.

Saturday comes around and we're still texting back and forth a lot during the day. I arrive at the restaurant at 7:25pm and get shown to the reserved table. I let Carol know that I've arrived and at 7:30 she messages back saying that she hasn't left the house yet, and it will take her 40 minutes to get to the restaurant.

I told Carol that 40 minutes is too long for me to wait and that she should stay at home. Carol then tells me that it's not her fault because she didn't know the date was going ahead, I respond by saying I don't even slightly believe that as we'd been speaking about it during that day and she had no reason to believe it was cancelled.

Carol then says that she is sorry and that she will come anyway and hopes that we can start fresh when she gets there, but at this point I'm really turned off and ask her please not to. I have a pizza myself in the restaurant (wasn't going to lose my deposit)

and shortly after I finish my food and leave, Carol tells me that she has finally arrived at the restaurant herself. I tell her that I've gone to drop in on some friends who live nearby and she apologizes again. We leave it there.. So, AITA?

Edit: Wow, thanks for all the feedback! To clear up a common question: Yes, we both very explicitly agreed a week in advance that I would book that restaurant for that day at that time and there was no suggestion of changing that in the intervening time.

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When Carol said 'I didn't know it was going ahead' was, I think, worse than being late in the first place. It sounded like she was lying to get out of trouble. She more or less admitted that it had been a lie not long afterwards when I called b**lshit.

First dates set the tone for respect, and tardiness can signal disregard. The man’s decision to cancel after a 40-minute delay, paired with a questionable excuse, reflects a boundary around valuing time. Her insistence on coming despite his request added tension.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Respect for time is a key indicator of mutual consideration in early dating.” A 2023 survey found 70% of daters view punctuality as a top priority for first impressions. Poor communication, like failing to warn of delays, often fuels mistrust.

This highlights a broader issue: setting expectations in dating. The man could have clarified his stance calmly to avoid escalation. Open talks about punctuality might guide future dates.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users dished out fiery takes and support for this dating clash. Here’s what they said:

HapaMari - NTA. She showed real disregard for your time. And if consideration and punctuality are important to you, there's no reason to give another shot to a date who so sorely lacks these qualities.

PandaS0ck5 - NTA. She was going to be fairly late and you were upfront and told her to just not come.. She came anyway, and that’s on her.. You are free to use your time however you see fit.

neoKushan - NTA. You agreed a date and time. If she wasn't sure if it was going ahead, she could have literally asked 'Is this still going ahead? I need to know so I can get ready'.. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Hope the pizza was good!

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shmookieguinz - Woman here. NTA in the slightest. She was rude and disrespectful. Which restaurants hold a table for two with one person for nearly an hour?! Move on. You’re good.

[Reddit User] - NTA. First dates are important and if her only reason for being late was because she thought maybe it wouldnt actually happen, you dodged a bullet.

salukiqueen - NTA As she didn’t even have the balls to tell you ahead of time she’s running late. You were texting all day, the opportunity was there. Who waits until the start time to say they’ll be late almost an hour? I mean you had time to chat with her, order food, eat it and leave before she even showed up.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. People like that don't respect other people's time, while you find this important. While I can see others think your reaction is severe, it is warranted because you are simply incompatible. There is no coming back from this for her, so why bother?

[Reddit User] - NTA. Barring an actual emergency (of which this wasn't one), people who are late like that have a belief at least at a subconscious level that their time is more important than yours.

I had a friend like this, who was perpetually late for everything. And not just 5-10 minutes late, but 40-60 minutes late. And when called out on it, she was always like 'Oh you know me,

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I run on \*Friend's Name\* Time!' We aren't friends anymore, and while that isn't the entirety of the reason why, it certainly didn't help the situation. Good for you for sticking to your guns here. It makes me hope that the next time she has a date with a person she's interested in that she remembers what happened here and makes more of an effort to be on time.

Negative-Swordfish-9 - NTA, maybe if she had a good reason (like idk an accident causing a traffic problem or whatever) I'd have forgiven her. But why the hell did she thi k the date wasn't going to happen? That's just a stupid case of beeing 'fashionably late' because some girls think for whatever reason that a guy should be waiting for the girl or a really poor excuse of her not getting ready in time. Anyways I'd have done the same as you

Froggetpwagain - NTA. On my first date with my husband, I was 30 minutes late because I got off of work late. I let him know much earlier in the day that I suspected I was going to be late, and asked if he wanted to reschedule,

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or go with head with it knowing that I could not completely commit to the time. The whole key to this is communication. You communicated that you were still planning to go on a date with her, and I don’t know why she did not believe you.

From praising his boundary to slamming her excuse, these comments stir the pot. But do they point to clarity or just amplify the drama?

This story of a date derailed by a 40-minute delay shows how first impressions hinge on respect. The man’s stand for punctuality ended the night but sparked debate among friends. Could a calmer exchange or a second chance have changed the vibe? What would you do when a date keeps you waiting? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this dating buzz alive!

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