AITA for telling my dad to stop asking questions he doesn’t want the answers to even if we are in therapy?

In a world where the scars of the past often shape our present, this story captures the raw emotion of a teen whose deepest wounds still ache. A palpable atmosphere of sorrow and lingering resentment weaves through the narrative as a young man recounts a day marked by loss and abandonment—his mother’s passing, missed opportunities for comfort, and the subsequent failure of a father to be there when it mattered most.

The narrative unfolds in a therapy session turned battleground, where the relentless probing by a well-meaning parent forces painful truths into the light. The teen’s voice echoes through the room, revealing not only a cry for understanding but also a refusal to accept forced positivity. The atmosphere is tense yet charged with the potential for healing, even as old wounds are forced open.

‘AITA for telling my dad to stop asking questions he doesn’t want the answers to even if we are in therapy?’

BG: My parents broke up when I was just a baby. They were never married. Dad wasn't in my life as much when I was really young. He had to work out of town a lot. So I would see him every other weekend and if he could take me for two weeks in the summer he would. Sometimes I went years without seeing him for Christmas too.

He only quit the job when he met his wife Lisa when I was 9. I admit it stung a lot. They got married fast (8 months of dating). And I was 10 when Lisa was pregnant for the first time. My mom ended up having a brain aneurism the day Lisa had their first kid. My dad was told and he said he couldn't make it because Lisa was showing signs of early labor.

He wanted me to be brought to them but I refused to go and I told him mom was dying and I needed him. He told me he couldn't leave Lisa or miss seeing the baby be born. But he said he wanted me by his side so come to him. I ended up staying. He didn't come. My mom died the same day his first kid was born.

Then he tried to take me to the hospital to see the baby like 12 hours after I lost my mom and he talked non stop about the baby. I told him I'd never forgive him. And I haven't. Lisa told me I should understand and be happy for them and their daughter that she got to have dad watch her be born. I told her they weren't my problem. She said I had a bratty attitude. I didn't care.

I stopped being close to dad. I never developed a relationship with his daughter or his other son. I don't have a relationship with Lisa. Dad tried therapy a few times. He tried telling me to see the positive. To take joy in the fact I got to come home to a baby sibling. I told him I'd rather have my mom. I told him I wanted my dad with me in the worst moment of my life.

But his wife and new kid were more important. Over the years he told me he wanted things to get better but I didn't. A few months ago Lisa said I should live with my grandparents or my aunt out of state if I feel this way. I said I agreed. Dad thought I was joking and it took him 2 months to realize I was serious and he brought me to therapy.

The questions started. Don't I love them (him, Lisa and the kids), don't I want us to move past all this (no is the answer to both except for maybe loving dad but I'm also angry at him). Then he asked me if I really wanted to move out. Yes. Then it was imagine how Lisa and the kids feel. I don't care. The therapist lets him ask and lets me answer.

They never really say much. He asked me if I cared about his other kids at all and I said no. He got so distressed and agitated and I told him to stop asking questions he doesn't want the answers to even if we are in therapy. He told me I'm not even trying. And I told him I had told him that already. He said therapy is about asking questions and working through things and I'm not behaving the way I should.. AITA?

Therapy sessions often serve as arenas for airing long-buried grief and conflicting emotions. In this case, the father’s insistent questioning during therapy brings to the forefront an uncomfortable truth—the impact of unresolved pain and the sense of betrayal that can shape a young mind. The session becomes less about healing and more about confronting the relentless echoes of neglect. Even a well-intentioned therapeutic approach can sometimes widen old scars when emotions are forced to spill over.

Analyzing the teen’s situation reveals a complex mosaic of grief, anger, and deep-seated abandonment. The feelings run high because his trauma is rooted not only in the loss of his mother but in the persistent reminder of a father who chose a new family over his presence during a crisis. The child’s rejection of forced positivity is a rebellion against the narrative he is being offered—a narrative that minimizes his pain. His frustration is palpable, as he resists questions that dredge up memories he is not ready to reconcile.

Broadening the issue, many modern families grapple with the challenges of blended household dynamics and unhealed past traumas. Studies have shown that unresolved emotional wounds from childhood can persist, influencing adult relationships and family interactions. Research in developmental psychology underscores that consistency and presence are critical for healthy emotional development. The situation here is a microcosm of larger societal issues where the balance between new beginnings and old scars is hard to achieve, often leaving emotional gaps that hinder healing.

As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk insightfully explains, “Traumatic stress is not just a mental disorder but a fundamental misfiring of the mind-body connection, which only healing relationships can mend.” This perspective reinforces that therapy should be a collaborative journey of understanding rather than a one-sided interrogation. The father’s approach, by repeatedly prying into areas the teen finds too raw to explore, inadvertently reopens wounds rather than soothing them. His probing fails to create an atmosphere of safety or validation.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community has not held back with their opinions. In a mix of candid humor and sincere empathy, users have presented a range of perspectives—from outright support of the teen’s need for space to calling for his father to face hard truths. Here are some of the hot takes from Reddit: Do these lively opinions reflect the broader reality of deep family conflicts, or are they simply venting raw emotions in the digital age?

StAlvis − NTA. He tried telling me to see the positive.. To take joy in the fact I got to come home to a baby sibling.. Eww.

Yumehayla − NTA. All other things aside, your father was in a lose-lose situation when it comes to choices - scared child with mother/his ex-wife dying, and scared current wife giving birth. I honestly don't know what I would've chosen when both your child and your partner equally need you.

But that aside, his behavior before, during, and after was atrocious towards you, and he really shouldn't be surprised when you gave him no indicator that you care about his current family. Both things happening at the same time were unfortunate, and extremely likely to end with the side left alone not forgiving him. I'm sorry for you that he didn't choose his child.

wisegirlliana − NTA. I think you should go to therapy alone just to find some piece of mind. However, I do think that your dad should ask questions even if he doesn't want the answers. He needs to realise how you feel. I'm so sorry for your mom, and I hope everything works out for you.

TheOpinionIShare − Your dad is partly right. Therapy is about asking questions and working through things. Ask your own questions if you have any. Hell, ask the therapist's opinion on the point of this and the direction of the therapy. This is your therapy, too. Turn it around on them, and make them give you the answers you need.

My advice? Take advantage of the opportunity to speak your mind. Let your dad ask the questions that yield answers he doesn't want to hear. He needs to hear it. He has been lying to himself about your situation and feelings and the potential for reconciliation. You are not an a**hole for what you said. Your dad is not an a**hole for trying therapy, although it sounds like he is an a**hole for how he has handled everything outside of therapy.

CanAhJustSay − NTA. You lost you mom and this was the darkest day of your life. Your dad couldn't be there for *you*. You needed him and he couldn't be there for you. no wonder you don't feel part of his new family. Go somewhere you will feel safe and welcomed. You owe Lisa nothing, and your dad can't replace your damaged childhood.

Few_Throat4510 − NTA - your emotions are not on his timeline. You don’t owe him anything.. Parents are supposed to take care of the kids - not the other way around.. Do you think you’re going to stay? Or move in with your grandparents/aunt?

003b6f − NTA. ...and I'm not behaving the way I should.. Like he didn't behave like your father by being with you when you needed him the most? I'm so sorry that you've been hurt, and repeatedly hurt, and just expected to shove all that down and pretend it never happened.

Specific_Impact_367 − *He tried telling me to see the positive.*. AH yes, every 10 yo neglected by his father while his mother dies has a silver lining.  He's heartless and Lisa better expect the same if they ever break up. It was a horrible choice but honestly as scared as Lisa was & as much as she needed him; his 10yo son was needed him because his parent was dying.

The present parent was dying and OP was terrified because dad hadn't been a consistent presence in his life. So not only was OP losing his mom, he was losing his only stable parent.  Dad should have gotten someone to stay with Lisa and gone to his son. Even if he couldn't stay, he should have gone to spend time with his son.

He could have kept tabs on Lisa telephonically then gone back. But to not pitch at all?  At the very least, he should have run to OP as soon as the baby was born. I'm sorry but Lisa is an adult. I wouldn't want my spouse leaving his child alone in that moment. 

I_wanna_be_anemone − The therapist dropped the ball big time. Therapy isn’t about making people change, it’s about guiding you to figuring out the answers yourself, to find a way for you to process and heal from a situation, then plan how to move on. Your dad let you down a thousand times in a thousand different ways, then in one giant unforgivable way that reinforced every fear you ever had about him replacing you all at once.    

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. You’ve told your dad you want space, to move away to people who haven’t so cruelly dismissed your pain, suffering and grief all this time. Your dad may not have acted maliciously, but what he’s done still HURT you. He can go apologise to a broken plate all he wants, that s**t ain’t fixing itself.

Maybe with time, distance and real therapy (please pursue real therapy when you get away) you’ll come to a place where you can be in contact with your dad without that wound reopening. But for now, all this situation is doing is generating even more resentment. If your dad loves you as much as he claims, he’ll do what’s best for you and let you go. If he doesn’t, then he’s just doing what makes him feel better, as usual. NTA

r0sencha − NTA. I see your father made a lot of mistakes. You are not reponsible for any of the things that happened and your feelings are valid. You have the right to choose to move and walk away. But you have a chance to get some kind of closure here. If you are in therapy use that to make him say why he acted the way he did in the past so you can get some closure.

In conclusion, this story is a powerful reminder that healing is not linear and must honor the true feelings of those involved. While therapy might be designed to open up difficult conversations, it is crucial that all voices are heard and respected. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep the dialogue going.

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