AITA for telling my dad that he would not walk me down the aisle if he chooses to wear jeans to my wedding?

Weddings are a swirl of joy, nerves, and carefully chosen details—down to the last boutonniere. For one 38-year-old bride, those details included a strict no-jeans dress code for her upscale destination wedding. But when her father, with whom she shares a fraught history, insisted on wearing denim to walk her down the aisle, tensions flared. His demand felt like more than a fashion faux pas—it was a dismissal of her boundaries.

This isn’t just about a pair of pants. The bride’s rocky relationship with her dad, marked by his absence after a bitter divorce, makes his defiance sting deeper. Offering to cover wedding costs and say a prayer, he seemed eager to play a role—until the jeans debate sparked a standoff. Was her ultimatum fair, or did it cross a line? Let’s unravel this Reddit drama and see who’s buttoning up the blame.

‘AITA for telling my dad that he would not walk me down the aisle if he chooses to wear jeans to my wedding?’

I (38F) will be getting married next month . My parents divorced when i was five, and my father remarried and started a new family pretty abruptly. My parents divorce was extremely toxic. As often happens when men divorce, he was amazing to his new kids, and pretty much bailed on my full brother and me - seeing us a couple times a year, maybe.

Over the last 30 years, my father and I have had a rocky, at best, relationship. I have always been very independent and taken care of myself, not having asked anything of my parents in 20ish years. In my 30s things, our relationship has gotten somewhat better, but we will never have a close, daddy-daughter relationship.

My fiance has loved me through some pretty deep rooted insecurity and abandonment issues due to my upbringing, and has not always been the biggest fan of my dad. My fiance and I got engaged last Christmas, and as soon as we announced it, he took my fiance (36M) aside and told him, 'you know, it's tradition to ask the father's hand in marriage before getting engaged.'

My fiance responded, 'yeah, well, I think we can agree that your relationship with your daughter is not all that traditional.' And they left it at that. My FH told me about the conversation soon after, and it struck me as odd, because I have never asked for his permission for anything, and he didn't raise me. Aside from that, all has gone pretty well over the last year while we have been wedding planning.

He offered to help pay a generous portion of the expenses. I asked him to do me the honor of walk me down the aisle, which to be completely honest, never really felt totally right for me to begin with because the whole bit about being given away is so outdated, and just doesn't sit right with me, given our history, but I thought it would be important to him.

My FH and I are totally non religious but we asked him to say a prayer at our non religious ceremony because he is very religious, and told us it was important to him for god to bless our marriage. A couple of weeks ago I was on the phone with him and he was insisting that he would wear jeans to my ceremony. My wedding is a smaller, upscale destination wedding.

We explicitly wrote no jeans on our wedding invites. After going back and forth with him, him insisting he would wear jeans, and me holding my ground and sticking to my guns with my dress code, I finally told him, 'fine, if you want to wear jeans, you can sit in the audience.'

After that comment, I didn't hear from him for a few days - he then messaged to let me know he was avoiding me because I 'disrespected' him while my half brothers and step mom were within earshot and that I owe him an apology.

Personally I feel pretty hurt and disrespected myself. The least this man can do for me is wear a suit to my wedding. In my eyes, telling him he would not walk me down the aisle was a reasonable response to him crossing my boundaries and my dress code for my wedding, and I do not believe I owe him an apology. AITA

ADVERTISEMENT

A father in jeans at an upscale wedding? That’s not just a style clash—it’s a boundary battle. The bride’s frustration is rooted in her father’s insistence on flouting her dress code, especially given their distant relationship. His demand to wear jeans, despite her clear rules, feels like a power play, not a casual choice.

Family dynamics expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Respecting boundaries is key to repairing strained relationships” . Here, the father’s refusal to compromise dismisses the bride’s autonomy on her big day. His claim of “disrespect” when she held firm flips the script, casting her as the villain for enforcing a standard rule.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects a broader issue: navigating family roles in weddings. A 2022 survey by The Knot found 45% of couples face conflicts over parental involvement, often tied to differing expectations. The bride’s concessions—inviting him to walk her and say a prayer—show her effort to include him, making his defiance stand out.

For solutions, the bride could calmly restate her dress code’s importance, offering to help with suit costs. If he refuses, walking alone or with her fiancé could prioritize her comfort.

ADVERTISEMENT

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit lit up with opinions, serving a mix of cheers and tough love. Here’s the community’s take:

Embarrassed_Hat_2904 - NTA. He’s a grown ass man, he can wear some dressier pants to walk you down the aisle!

ADVERTISEMENT

Peasplease25 - NTA.. This is what happens why you take money from people who aren't nice.. Get your mother to walk you down the aisle, or walk in with you (great sounding) future husband.

[Reddit User] - NTA. You're letting him participate despite your rocky relationship. The least he can do is follow your dress requirements.

Scottish_squirrel - He wouldn't even get in my wedding in jeans never mind walk me down the aisle

ADVERTISEMENT

soundofsighlence - NTA. I would’ve laughed at him for saying I owed him an apology. No jeans is a perfectly normal request. He needs to put on his non-denim big boy pants and get over himself.

Eccentric_Mermaid - NTA. This is not a hoe-down, this is YOUR WEDDING. If he has so little respect for your wishes, he can sit in the audience as you mentioned. Jeans are not appropriate at your wedding and the fact that he’s making this his hill to die on is just mind boggling. I really hope he’ll come around and wear a nice suit for you. At least your fiancé is kind and supportive and that’s what really matters since he’s what your wedding day is about.

WebbieVanderquack - NTA. Wearing jeans to a wedding, unless it's some kind of off-beat wedding where everybody wears jeans, is pointedly disrespectful.

ADVERTISEMENT

Z_Laurent - NTA. You've compromised enough by inviting him to walk you down the aisle in your very special day. If he can't respect such a simple request that was asked from everybody, then he doesn't deserve to be there.

TheGingerCynic - pretty much bailed on my full brother and me - seeing us a couple times a year Over the last 30 years, my father and I have had a rocky, at best, relationship. I have always been very independent and taken care of myself, not having asked anything of my parents in 20ish years

My FH and I are totally non religious but we asked him to say a prayer at our non religious ceremony because he is very religious, and told us it was important to him for god to bless our marriage. Honestly, this alone tells me he's lucky you asked him to walk you. You're compromising with a man that was happy to stop being a parent the moment your mother wasn't his spouse.

ADVERTISEMENT

Honestly, I wouldn't care less what he wanted on the day, he'd be luck to get an invite. And you're making extra allowances for him here that he has no right to, the least he could do is show up in a suit. You're not even religious, and you're including him saying a prayer.. NTA 'you know, it's tradition to ask the father's hand in marriage before getting engaged.'

My fiance responded, 'yeah, well, I think we can agree that your relationship with your daughter is not all that traditional.' And glad your fiancé called him on his s**t, having your partner's back is always an important aspect of a relationship. You're doing well with setting and maintaining boundaries, but the day is supposed to be about you and your FH.

If there are aspects of the day that you're unhappy with, drop them. You don't want him to walk you down the aisle? He hasn't been a father for a long time, don't have him walk you. Non-religious? Don't feel the need to include a prayer. It's okay if you want it, but doing it to cater for someone who you're having to negotiate trousers with seems to be putting yourself last.

ADVERTISEMENT

I can tell you my only regrets regarding my wedding were having my mother there, and compromising on things like the guest list. I wish I'd not bothered, but you live, you learn. If these are things you feel you would regret including, don't do it.

harley_x - NTA. Jeans at a wedding are tacky AF (unless you're doing a ranch/cowboy theme, then get it). My dad's not in my life for various toxic reasons-- you're using your voice to set boundaries, and he's not mature enough to respect that. He's grabbing at any power he can... it was gross to pull your SO aside, glad he had that retort ready.

You owe him nothing. He got put in his his place over the phone, and instead of showing humility, he doubled down. His power w/ his new family was put into question. Please don't give him a platform at your wedding... even the prayer he could use as another opportunity to flex his ego.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors didn’t mince words, from slamming the dad’s denim dreams to urging the bride to rethink his role. But do their hot takes nail the issue, or are they missing the deeper family fault lines?

This wedding dress code drama is less about denim and more about respect—or the lack of it. Was the bride’s aisle ban a bold stand or a harsh jab? Should her dad have swallowed his pride and suited up? One thing’s clear: weddings amplify family tensions, and this one’s no exception. Have you ever faced a family showdown over wedding plans? Share your stories below—what would you do in this bride’s shoes?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *