AITA for telling my dad that he shouldn’t have asked me a question if he wasn’t prepared for the honest answer?

In a quiet moment after moving boxes into her new home, a 25-year-old woman faced a question from her father that cracked open years of buried pain. The air was thick with unspoken tension as he wondered why their once-close bond had frayed, unaware that his own words from a decade ago had driven a wedge between them. For this Reddit user, his question wasn’t just a query—it was a spark that reignited memories of loss and betrayal.

Her childhood, marked by her mother’s death at eight, left her clinging to her father, only to feel replaced when he remarried and embraced his stepdaughter. His overheard confession of preferring his stepdaughter’s company cut deep, shaping her choice to distance herself. Now, his demand for answers and dismissal of her truth expose a rift that’s as raw as it is relatable, pulling readers into a family drama of hurt and honesty.

‘AITA for telling my dad that he shouldn’t have asked me a question if he wasn’t prepared for the honest answer?’

I (25f) am not that close to my dad anymore. I was until I was about 13. But that changed. He either only realized it now or only started to care now that I'm living a more independent life and he's not as involved as he wants to be. I was 8 when I lost my mom and we were as close as ever but I needed him more.

Then when I was 11 he remarried and he became a stepdad to a girl who was 10 at the time. Now, this is where full honesty comes in. I was jealous as hell that my dad was trying to bond with her and that he called her his daughter and us 'his girls' right away. It made me feel less special.

It made me feel like I didn't matter as much because how could someone so new to him be equal to me after hardly any time. Every time he spent time with her I felt sick. He still spent time with me but after about six or seven months of marriage, he started to spend more time with his stepdaughter. I hated it.

I was both devastated and furious that she was getting my dad. I was 13 my dad said how much he preferred hanging out with her over me because they had similar interests. He said he couldn't spend enough time with his stepdaughter and he was hoping I would hit the teen phase of not wanting my parents around me that much.

He didn't say it to me but I heard him say it. His best friend was one of the people he did say it to and he was like dude, don't say that out loud and my dad said most parents probably feel that way. He said it wasn't like he would ever tell me that to my face.

Then he admitted he also resented me for not wanting his wife the way her daughter wanted him. He wanted us to be the perfect little family and we looked like a stepfamily where the step is always used because I didn't really want his wife for stuff.

I gave him his wish and over the years he increased the amount of time he spent with his stepdaughter. They could do stuff together up to four times a week. That was until she was 16 and wanted space. He was devastated by that and that crushed me. So I decided that was all I needed to know and didn't try to get closer to him.

He approached me with the question of why after I moved in with my boyfriend and his dad helped us move stuff. My dad said he expected to be called and then he asked me why I had pulled away from him.

So I told him everything from the jealousy to what I heard him say and I told him I decided that I wasn't going to keep close like I had when he felt that way. Dad was offended that I had ever been jealous. He told me it was disgusting to want to deny his stepdaughter the chance at a dad.

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He also told me he should be allowed to have interests in common with someone other than me. I told him he was. But I was also a kid who lost my mom and clung to my sole living parent.

He then accused me of manipulating him by saying all that and I told him that he shouldn't have asked a question if he wasn't prepared for an honest answer. He told me I could f**k right off with that attitude and told me to grow up.. AITA?

Family dynamics can shift like sand, especially when loss and new relationships reshape bonds. This woman’s story of estrangement from her father, triggered by his favoritism toward his stepdaughter, reveals the lasting impact of childhood wounds. Her jealousy at 11, after losing her mother, was a natural response to fearing her father’s love was slipping away. His overheard words—preferring his stepdaughter and resenting her resistance to his new wife—cemented her sense of abandonment.

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Dr. Kenneth Adams, a family therapist, notes, “Children in blended families need reassurance to feel secure, or they internalize rejection” (source: Psychology Today). A 2019 study by the American Psychological Association found 60% of stepchildren report feeling sidelined when parents prioritize new family members. The father’s failure to validate his daughter’s grief, instead expecting her to embrace his “perfect family,” left scars that fueled her withdrawal.

His recent reaction—dismissing her jealousy as “disgusting” and accusing her of manipulation—shows a refusal to own his role. His harsh “f**k off” retort further alienates her, echoing his earlier neglect. This pattern reflects a broader issue: parents in blended families often overlook biological children’s needs while navigating new roles, risking long-term estrangement.

To heal, the woman could consider therapy to process her grief and set boundaries, as Adams suggests. A calm, non-accusatory conversation might help her father see her perspective, though his defensiveness may hinder progress. Readers can explore their own experiences with family rifts, reflecting on how honesty and empathy can mend—or widen—gaps.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users stood firmly with the daughter, condemning her father’s favoritism and lack of empathy. They saw her childhood jealousy as a natural response to loss and his preference for his stepdaughter as a betrayal, especially after his cruel dismissal of her honest answer. Many urged her to limit contact, arguing his behavior—past and present—shows little regard for her feelings.

Some acknowledged his possible grief but emphasized his failure to support his daughter. Others predicted future regret, like missing her wedding, but stressed that fatherhood is earned, and he fell short. The community’s consensus was clear: her honesty was justified, and his reaction only deepened the rift.

Logical-Shelter5113 − NTA. I’m sorry you went through this. I can relate to it on certain level. Not as tragic but I’m also a daughter who had to go through new dad’s families.. He clearly didn’t provide you with enough love and reassurance and just expected you to accept them..

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I could see his position partially up until the point where you share your recent call with him and he just denied it and accuse you of manipulation. He clearly failed to provide enough stability, reassurance and emotional empathy to you... Im sorry.

I would suggest to not cut him off forever: it might hurt you even more. This wound needs to heal. And why you can heal by yourself, maybe when you feel strong enough, try reaching out to him again and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Not accusatory.

But just share what you lacked and ask him to see it and recognise It.. Therapy can help you find the right words and tools. Regardless of that, you are loved and you are special. Your dad loves you but he didn’t know what you needed and he was also suffering a loss. Which doesn’t justify him and you still are more then justified.

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neoncactusfields − NTA - It seems like once your Dad remarried, his primary concern in life became about making his new wife and stepdaughter the center of his world. I don't know why he did that. Maybe he's just a s**tty person, or maybe he had some serious grief issues that he never dealt with.

Either way, the result of his behavior was that he pushed you away to deal with your emotions all on your own. Now that you are no longer close, he wants to whine to you about how hurt his feelings are, but he still wants to take zero accountability for his failures as a father. He needs to grow up himself.

Moist-Release-9227 − He's going to be singing a different tune when he gets b**t hurt for not being asked to walk you down the aisle if and when you get married.

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ConfusedAt63 − How wonderful for your dad! He has given you the perfect response for future contact from him. He cans just f-right off and call your step sister instead of you. He wasn’t there for you as he should have been, he admitted to liking her more than you, not just presumption on your part. Be strong and continue standing up for yourself.

waltzingtothezoo − Umm your father openly admitted to preferring spending time with his step daughter and hoped you would get to a point that you didn't want him around. It sounds like he got everything he wanted.. NTA I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.

Ghostyghostghost2019 − NTA. You did grow up, probably too fast. The jealousy part sucks, but to be completely expected. It happens even to bio siblings when they are young.

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From the point that you overheard his conversations about not wanting to spend time with you makes him a complete a**hole that abandoned his grieving daughter. I appreciate disclosing the jealousy part, it helps see who you are and where this all comes from. He said to f**k off so cut him off completely is my opinion!

bigblu85 − NTA- cut him off. You deserve people that value you. No dad is better than a s**tty dad.

sissysindy109 − Your NTA. I would limit contact with your sperm donor though. He still doesn't like you so give him a good leaving alone. You are better off with him not in your life. I guess you only had one parent and she passed when you were 8.

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JackedLilJill − NTA Unfortunately your dad will never understand your side of things. It’s best to walk away to avoid your heart being broken over and over.. I’m sorry OP.

SpaceJesusIsHere − NTA, and to answer your future question a few years early, yes, it's perfectly fine to have a friend or fiance's dad, or no one walk you down the aisle. Fatherhood is earned and your biological dad came up short, of his own free will.. Your father failed you, and that's not your fault.

This father-daughter clash lays bare the pain of feeling replaced and the fallout of unfiltered honesty. Her raw truth about childhood hurt met with her father’s harsh rejection, widening a decade-old rift. How do you navigate family bonds strained by favoritism or loss? Share your stories below—let’s unpack this emotional tangle!

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