AITA for telling my dad I want to spend time with him and not his wife and kids while I am in town?

Picture this: a weary 26-year-old traveler, wheels rolling across familiar roads of a childhood town, heart racing with the hope of reuniting with a long-missed dad. After years apart—thanks to a divorce that whisked them halfway across the country—this rare three-week work trip feels like fate’s golden ticket. Our protagonist, buzzing with nostalgia, imagines cozy chats and fishing trips, just the two of them, rekindling a bond left dusty by time.

But reality tosses a curveball! Dad, now 51, arrives with his new crew—wife, 39, and three kids, ages 13, 9, and 8—in tow, turning solo dreams into crowded chaos. Our traveler, polite yet aching, spends days with the gang but pines for a sliver of dad-only time. Tensions bubble, feelings spill, and suddenly, a simple wish feels like a battlefield. Is it selfish to crave a moment alone with a parent, or a fair plea from a heart stretched thin by distance?

‘AITA for telling my dad I want to spend time with him and not his wife and kids while I am in town?’

I travel a lot for work, usually I would go by plane but during all of this I have been driving places instead of flying. Well I got sent to the town I spend my early childhood in, I haven't been there in several years due to how busy I am but I figured it would be a great opportunity to visit my dad given I am there for almost 3 weeks and my work will only be a few days spread across those weeks.

Now my dad remarried but I only met his wife twice because my mom moved me and my sister halfway across the country when they divorced and well she was difficult when it came to visitation and custody. As for their kids, I only met the oldest one once when he was a small child but I haven't met the other two. Just for some perspective, I am 26, my dad is 51, his wife is 39 and their kids are 13, 9 and 8.

Now I hate to be this blunt about it but while I wish my dads wife and their kids all the happiness in the world I have zero interest in them, the only person I am there to see is my dad. Of course I am not opposed to meeting them, seeing them, talking to them, being nice etc but as I said, I miss and love my dad I honestly don't care about the rest, so I was hoping to spend a bit of alone time with him.

Now day 1, I came by their house, had dinner, spend time with them all. Day 2, same deal. Day 3 I had to work. Day 4 I was meeting my dad at a restaurant and he showed up with everyone in tow. Day 5 we were going fishing and he took all his kids. Day 6 I had to work and now its day 7. So I decided to talk to him in private and told him that I want to spend some time with him, just him and not his entire family.

It didn't go over well he said that it is weird I don't want to spend time with my 'Stepmom' and 'Brother and sisters'. Well I told him that I met his wife twice in my life and I met one of his kids once years ago, so I honestly do not consider them as such and I am hoping to spend some quality time with him while I am in town.

He seemed offended and left soon after. I since got a call from his wife who was angry about me not considering their kids siblings. Don't know where to go from here, was I being an a**hole? Because I feel like it is a pretty normal request considering I haven't seen him in years.

Navigating a blended family can feel like tiptoeing through a sitcom—equal parts awkward and absurd. Our traveler, caught between fond memories and a new family dynamic, just wants a quiet moment with dad. Dad, meanwhile, seems torn, perhaps hoping to weave everyone into one big, happy tapestry. The clash? A classic case of mismatched expectations, with a sprinkle of hurt feelings for flavor.

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Let’s widen the lens: blended families are common—about 40% of U.S. families fit this mold, per the U.S. Census Bureau (source). The rub lies in bonding. Our traveler, yanked away young, missed the glue of shared time, while dad’s new clan claims him daily. Both sides have valid hopes—connection versus inclusion—but communication’s the hiccup here.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a blended family expert, notes, “Step-relationships take time, often 5-7 years to solidify, and pushing ‘instant family’ can backfire” (Psychology Today, source). Her wisdom rings true: our traveler, a near-stranger to the stepmom and kids, feels sidelined, while dad’s defensive push for unity misses the mark. Forcing “siblings” and “stepmom” labels on a 26-year-old with scant history? A recipe for friction.

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What’s the fix? Compromise! Dad could carve out a coffee date or a short walk—solo time needn’t snub the family. For the traveler, a dash of patience and a nod to the kids’ excitement might ease tensions. Open a dialogue: “Dad, I’d love a few hours to catch up, just us—maybe a quick lunch?” Try family therapy tips from sites like Stepfamily.org (source) to bridge gaps.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, cheeky, and ready to roast! From “they’re strangers, duh!” to “dad’s out of touch, and stepmom’s scripting a Hallmark movie,” the crowd’s got thoughts. Dive into their unfiltered gems below and chuckle at the chaos.

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[Reddit User] - NTA - They're strangers to you and it feels weird. I dont know why your dad can't just spend a few hours with you alone.

[Reddit User] - NTA - even if you loved and knew his new family well, it still would be understandable that you’d want some individual bonding time, especially given his kids are actual children. You spent multiple nights with everyone so You weren’t unreasonable for asking for some one on one time. He could have made time to at least have a dinner with you alone given how little he’s seen you.

CountrySax - NTA,that's the problem with dads remarrying,they expect you to put their new wives and kids on equal footing or worse yet ahead of you in the pecking order. You told him straight yet he manipulated the situation and allowed a virtual stranger,

your 'step something' to berate you when really she has only a somewhat contrived connection to you. Stand up for yourself because obviously he has no intention of doing so and doesn't seem interested in spending special time with you

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PsychologyAutomatic3 - NTA. You are entitled to spend time with your dad alone during your visit. If his wife was a decent person, she would encourage that. You’ve spent more than enough time with his family. If he can’t commit to one 1-on-1 date with you, I would probably not attempt to see him for the rest of the time there. Is there anything he’s afraid that you might want to discuss that he doesn’t want to talk about?

cabbage9988 - NTA. Your dad seems out of touch with reality and his wife is pushing the Happy Family narrative

AdelinaIV - NTA. You already spent time with the family, wanting to spend some alone time with your dad is not only reasonable, but part of a good parent-child relationship. You are also NTA for feeling some way and expressing it, although you could be TA depending on you you word it.

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DeepSeaFacial - NTA. Maybe the phrasing was bad, who knows. We would need more info. It seems like this was an anticipated outcome as the wife was ready to jump on you about it and didn't think twice about yelling at someone she doesn't know. Even if you saw them as family it doesn't make you TA to want alone time with your parent when his other kids get him all the time.

Your dad sucks majorly for allowing his wife to do that. He is a T total AH for that btw. It may suck to hear this but...maybe you should just make the best of your time there without them and give your dad an open invitation to spend time with you if he wants without everyone else. If he steps up, he steps up. If he doesn't well at least you didn't have to spend time with strangers.

IllustriousEffort937 - NTA. You were 13 when his first new kids came along, and presumably younger when he remarried; it was his job as the adult to put in the work to help you form relationships with them. He never laid the groundwork and is surprised when it didn't magically happen on its own? Wildness

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willowgrl - NTA. My dad would do stuff with my sister and I together and then have something planned for each of us individually. It’s not wrong to want some one on one quality time at all.

bluedog33 - NAH. You aren't wrong for wanting to spend some one-on-one time with your dad. But equally he's not in the wrong for wanting you to get to know his wife and kids, your half-siblings. They also might have been excited and looking forward to meeting you.

Realistically with three kids of that age, it might be hard for him to consistently get away alone over three weeks and/or as with the fishing might be something he normally does with the kids while their mom has some kid-free time and/or it would have been super weird and upsetting to suddenly exclude them to spend time with you. Given how little time you spend together, perhaps best to assume good intentions for his behavior.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe dad’s juggling act flopped, or perhaps our traveler’s plea got lost in translation—either way, it’s a messy.

So, our traveler’s quest for dad’s undivided attention hit a wall—offended parents, an irate stepmom, and a tangle of feelings linger. It’s a relatable pickle: craving a bond with a parent while navigating a blended crew ain’t easy! Dad might’ve fumbled, but our protagonist’s honest wish shines through. Maybe a heart-to-heart, sans the crowd, could mend this rift. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, share your tales, and let’s unpack this family fracas together!

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