AITA for telling my dad I want nothing to do with his secret 2nd family?

A quiet home became a battleground when a father’s past sins crashed into his daughter’s present. At 19, she’s drawn a hard line against her dad’s mistress and her child, whose visit threatens to reopen old wounds from a decade-long affair that shattered her childhood. The cozy living room, once a place of family memories, now hums with tension as she stands firm, refusing to play nice with a woman tied to her parents’ divorce.

Her father’s demand for politeness feels like a betrayal, ignoring the pain his choices caused. Yet his anger at her refusal hints at a deeper rift—one where love, loyalty, and boundaries collide. Readers can’t help but feel the weight of her stance: is it fair to shut out his “second family” to protect her peace? This raw tale pulls us into a messy, relatable family drama.

‘AITA for telling my dad I want nothing to do with his secret 2nd family?’

My (19F) dad (50M) has been having a long term affair with a woman for over a decade. Their relationship began while he was married to my mom and he stayed with her even while he dated and was engaged to a different woman after my parents divorce.

I don’t think his latest ex ever knew about her but I’m not sure. She has a kid although it isn’t his, which I do believe. I knew about his affair long ago and after a big fight basically said I never want to hear about her again or have anything to do with it and then I’d be fine.

This went okay for a decent amount of time, he would go on ‘work trips’ and all but I never asked questions and he never shared and I was honestly fine being in the dark about it. I never approved, and he knew this, but I let him live his life so long as I was never brought into it.

He tells me today he has invited them out to visit (I still live at home right now) and would love for me to be polite while they’re here. I told him absolutely not, that I would go to a friends house for the duration of their visit but I would not be seeing them at all.

That woman caused a lot of trauma during my childhood and aided in my parents divorce and I don’t condone women who knowingly are the other woman. I never want to see her and I made that clear. I said he can live his life as he wants but I will not be dragged into that.

He was pissed, went off on me saying it’s his life and I’m the child here so his day is what goes. He ended by saying to lose his number and honestly that would be fine with me if he would throw away his actual child for this other family, I want nothing to do with that.. AITA for telling him a hard pass on playing happy family with his affair family?

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Edit: I’ve replied to a few of the “YTA for lying about this based on past posts” but I’ll put it here too. I’m 19. My bf is 22. The old post says I’m 22, I typed my bf’s age twice and couldn’t make edits once the post was made since it’s in the title. Hope this helps clear that up

A father’s attempt to blend his secret life with his daughter’s world backfired, exposing raw family wounds. The daughter’s refusal to meet her dad’s mistress stems from deep hurt, tied to a childhood marred by his infidelity. His demand for politeness dismisses her trauma, while her hardline stance risks burning bridges.

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Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, writes in Psychology Today, “Infidelity often leaves children feeling betrayed, impacting trust long-term.” A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 40% of children of divorced parents report ongoing resentment toward a parent’s affair partner. The daughter’s boundary is a shield against reliving that pain, but her father’s “my house, my rules” attitude ignores her emotional reality.

The father’s anger suggests he’s deflecting guilt rather than addressing her feelings. Dr. Heitler advises, “Healing requires acknowledging pain and rebuilding trust through honest dialogue.” The daughter could propose a neutral setting to discuss boundaries, while the father must own his role in her trauma. Resources like Psychology Today’s family conflict guides offer steps for navigating such rifts. Both sides need empathy to mend this fracture, ensuring her boundaries are respected without cutting ties entirely.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dove into this family drama with a mix of fiery support and practical advice, serving up a feast of opinions. From cheering the daughter’s stand to urging her to secure her space, the comments are a lively mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

bigbuttfucker − NTA. You do not have to let this man have his cake and eat it, too. It's about time there's consequences for his selfish choices.

amy8220 − NTA, I know is your father but honestly do you really want this person in your life?

[Reddit User] − Wow! Your father is the massive a**hole. Not you.. I'm 100% with you.. That's Awful.. I wouldn't want to see her either. Ever. She destroyed your childhood. And your father is appalling too..

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You have tried and been very reasonable overall. Ignoring his 'work trips' etc. But this is too much.. But....its his home and yep, his life, so you have few options.. I'd find a way to move out, away from your father. He's disgraceful.

haemaker − NTA. At 19 you are not the child anymore so he can f**k right off with that. If you are staying somewhere else for the duration, expect shenanigans with your room/stuff. Might want to pack some of that stuff up.

whyamisoawesome9 − NTA. You are not forced to have a relationship with this stranger who has caused so much hurt during your life. This woman and your dad both sound like incredibly selfish people, and your dad throwing out the child line when you are 19.

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LittleNerdGirl1313 − NTA. Your dad sucks! He doesn't get to absolve the fact that he's cheated on your mom with this woman just because he and your mom are divorced and he can be with her 'openly' now. He doesn't get the right to play house and you don't have to partake.

I'd go no contact if I were you since his actions caused trauma. I'm sure you will probably get a comment about how you should only be angry with your dad since he's the one who cheated when married where she was just a woman with no moral obligation,

or responsibility to your mom (something I've noticed is slowly becoming a popular opinion on some social media) but it takes 2 to tango and are both deserving of your ire. Again just go no contact, your dad and the entire situation seems toxic and should be avoided

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larochelleville − NTA. But if you still live at home, how are you going to avoid her? Leave for the weekend? Will he kick you out if don’t “toe the line”? Can you move out?

Walktothebrook − NTA. That he would tell you to lose his number speaks volumes.

11corgispider66 − NTA Your feelings are valid. He doesn't seem to care that what he did affected you. If you can I would say leave or move out.

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thegloracle − 'would love for me to be polite while they’re here.' Um, I'd have loved to, Dad, but I was taught other people's feelings aren't as important as my own. Sorry (not sorry) your bad life choices are now making it uncomfortable and inconvenient for you.

These Redditors rallied behind the daughter’s boundary-setting, with some calling her dad’s actions toxic. But do their takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

This clash over a secret family reveals the raw pain of betrayal and the power of personal boundaries. The daughter’s refusal to meet her father’s mistress protects her heart but risks her relationship with him. His anger shows a failure to own his past, yet her hard stance might deepen the divide. Honest talks could pave a way forward. What would you do if faced with a parent’s hidden life? Share your thoughts below!

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