AITA for telling my dad his wife was the one who didn’t want me on their family trip?

Amico Deshi Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a young man, barely 20, finally meeting his dad after years apart, their bond sparking like a long-lost campfire reignited. In a whirlwind of newfound family ties, this Reddit user found joy in connecting with his dad, siblings, and extended relatives. But a shadow looms—his dad’s wife, caught off guard by his arrival, struggles to share the spotlight. Her request to exclude him from a family vacation, meant to preserve “tradition,” stirs up drama.

The tension crackles like a summer storm. Our protagonist, torn between loyalty to his new family and the sting of exclusion, spills the truth to his dad, sparking a heated fallout. Was he wrong to break her confidence, or was honesty the only path? This tale of reconnection and rejection pulls us into a family saga where emotions run high and boundaries blur.

‘AITA for telling my dad his wife was the one who didn’t want me on their family trip?’

Last year my dad and I (20M) barely found eachother. My mom went back to Mexico after I was born, we came back to the states when I was 7 and she didn’t know how to find him. Luckily I got matched with my uncle on ancestry dna who’s my dad’s brother so we went from there.

He never knew about this whole time and for over a year we have been catching up being in eachother’s lives. My dad has 2 kids with his wife. My younger brother is 8 and my sister is 3. We have hung out a lot and I love them. We get excited seeing eachother, my dad says they think it’s cool about having an older brother.

One with a car who can take them to the park in particular 🤣 Ngl with his wife it’s a little weird because we don’t know how to address eachother. Then obviously this was a surprise to her. We always say hi and small talk when we’re around but don’t talk too much.

So in a couple months everyone in his family, like my grandparents all my uncles and cousins on his side want to go on a family vacation. Thing is she doesn’t want me to go with them. Cause it’s the only tradition that’s still the same from before I was around. And she knows his attention won’t be fully on them if I’m there.

She asked me to do her this one favor when I get to be around my dad any other day so give her this time but don’t tell him she said anything. At first I wasn’t gonna tell my dad she told me all this stuff but after telling them that I can’t go he kept asking why.

And then my grandparents and uncle were saying how come I can’t go, they were willing to change which date to go on the vacation if I’m too busy on that day. It was really sweet they wanted me to go so I didn’t know what else to do except tell my dad.

He wasn’t happy what I told him. He did say sorry for her making me feel unwelcome to go but everyone wants me there so don’t worry about that. She literally came to my place the other day to tell me she hopes I’m happy. They got into it and he doesn’t want to talk to her right now because of what she did.

Honestly I never seen her that mad or sad but she was saying it’s all my fault because she thought it was a reasonable request after having to put up with me being in their lives. The thing is yeah I’m glad my dad and me are getting to know eachother.

I’ve never had a dad before so now it means a lot to have this relationship with him and everyone else in the family. She’s his wife so I get it can’t always be about what I want. Now because of telling him I brought up all these problems and I’m wondering if I TA for it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Family reunions should be about connection, but this stepmom’s attempt to sideline her husband’s son screams insecurity. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Trust is built in the smallest moments, and exclusion erodes it” (Gottman Institute). Her secretive request to keep the OP away from the family trip, while demanding silence, betrays a lack of trust in her husband and dismisses the OP’s place in the family.

This situation reflects a broader issue: blended family dynamics. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 60% of stepparents struggle with integrating stepchildren, often due to unresolved insecurities (APA.org). The wife’s discomfort is understandable, but her approach—excluding the OP instead of addressing her feelings with her husband—created unnecessary conflict. Her “putting up with you” comment reveals resentment, unfairly aimed at the OP.

The OP’s decision to tell his dad was justified. Faced with pressure from a welcoming family, he had little choice but to be honest. Gottman’s research emphasizes open communication as key to family harmony. The wife’s secrecy backfired, and her anger at the OP is misplaced—she caused the rift by avoiding an honest conversation with her husband.

ADVERTISEMENT

For those navigating similar tensions, experts suggest setting clear boundaries and fostering open dialogue. The OP should continue building his bond with his dad and siblings while maintaining polite distance from the wife.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew came through with some fiery takes—check out their unfiltered thoughts:

Talathia − NTA. She knew what she was asking was wrong or she wouldn’t have asked you to keep it a secret that she asked you not to go.. She is incredibly selfish, and the fight between her and your dad is of her own making.

ADVERTISEMENT

monsteramoons − It wasn't a reasonable request and she **KNOWS** that which is why she asked you to keep it secret. She's mad at your father, not you, but she's taking it out on you. That's childish, disgusting behavior on her part.

You and your father have a right to have a relationship. It's just sad she's so insecure in her relationship with him that she sees you as some sort of threat to it. It sounds like you're a good person and deserve better.. Your dad is standing up for you. He cares about you. Keep that in mind going forward.. NTA.

Associate-Mammoth − If she had a problem with “putting up with [you]” it was her responsibility to talk to her spouse. She tried to play stupid games, now she’s winning stupid prizes.. Congrats on reconnecting with your dad and building a relationship with him. NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

Stranger0nReddit − NTA- I get finding out her husband has another child was probably a shock for her, but you are just as much his child as the other two are, so for her to try to exclude you is just horribly wrong.

I am so happy to hear that your dad and the rest of the family are on your side and want you there. His wife is the one causing the problems, not you. Your dad needs to know what she's doing because it's not right.

HistoricalInaccurate − NTA - She knew her request was wrong because she asked you not to say anything.. She put herself in this position.. If she wanted that time, she should have had the conversation with your dad.. But I suspect she did, which is why she approached you.

ADVERTISEMENT

What was she going to do if you said it was a scheduling conflict and the whole family moved the trip so you could come?. This is not your responsibility to fix their relationship, it was brought on by her choices alone.

BWow77 − NTA at all. She has major issues that she should be talking to your dad about. I'm so happy that you are making a great connection to not only your dad, but your little siblings and all the family you've miss out on!

There's nothing you could do when the entire family was literally willing to change the date of the vacation for you to go. The fact that this woman feels threatened by her husbands eldest child means she's got some weird insecurities.

ADVERTISEMENT

SpaceKates − NTA. I get his wife was blindsided by this, but thay doesn't give her a right to exclude you from your dad's life, especially if he is the one wanting you around and wanting to get to know you. She overstepped and got upset when she got called out for it. That's her problem not yours.

What_Was_I_doi − NTA. She did this to herself. You were nothing but truthful and you did it with no malice. She should be ashamed for the 'putting up with you' line. She showed her colors there.

daisychain0606 − NTA. My step mom tried to erase me and my younger siblings from my dad’s life. I guess in the end she did. When he died, we weren’t even mentioned in his obituary. That was a kick to the head. She’s dead now. I bet it’s hot where she is.

ADVERTISEMENT

whaddyamean11 − NTA she definitely sucks for saying that she “has to put up with you in their lives.”

These Reddit hot takes call it like they see it, but do they nail the heart of the issue? The community’s rallying behind the OP, but the wife’s insecurities add a layer of complexity.

This story of a son reclaiming his place in his dad’s life, only to face pushback from a wary stepmom, hits hard. The OP’s honesty sparked a fire, but was it the right move? His dad’s support and the family’s warmth say yes, yet the wife’s hurt lingers. Have you ever faced exclusion in a family dynamic? What would you do in the OP’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this messy, heartfelt journey together!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *