AITA for telling my dad, aunts and uncles to grow up and get over their mom’s “affair”?

The clatter of plates at a family dinner couldn’t drown out the venom aimed at a 65-year-old grandmother, whose choice to move in with her boyfriend, William, ignited her children’s fury. For a 21-year-old grandson, watching his beloved grandmother—long separated from a neglectful husband—face accusations of “cheating” was too much. He snapped, urging his father, aunts, and uncles to “grow up” and celebrate her hard-earned happiness after decades of single-handedly raising them.

Their backlash, claiming he dismissed their feelings, only deepened the rift. This isn’t just a family squabble—it’s a clash of loyalty, outdated expectations, and the right to love later in life. Was the grandson’s outburst a bold defense of his grandmother’s joy or a reckless jab at raw family wounds? Let’s unravel this heartfelt saga of love, resentment, and generational divides.

 

‘AITA for telling my dad, aunts and uncles to grow up and get over their mom’s “affair”?’

My grandma (65F) and I (21M) get along really well, she is amazing, I love her and look up to her, that’s why my perspective can be biased and need some points of views to know if I fed up. Grandma had five children (my dad 43M, my uncle T 42M, My uncle M 35M, My aunt F 47F and My aunt S 30F) with grandpa (66M).

Grandpa was a terrible father and a garbage husband, an a**oholic who spent all his money on liquor, never supported grandma while she worked her \*ss to provide for her kids as a baker, she got tired of it and kicked him out in the 90’s, she stayed as single mom and only provider, did he pay child support? NO, did he help her buy a house for his kids?

NO, did he ask for custody or try to spend time with his kids? NO, he only visited once in a blue moon. Grandma and Grandpa never divorced since my grandma didn’t believe in it, and she was always a single mother, my grandma started dating William (67M) two years ago,

but she didn’t introduce him to her kids because she was afraid of their reaction and I was the only one who knew about the “affair”, Grandma announced that she was moving to William’s house this past July and everyone was furious and started accusing her of cheating and that she was choosing her affair partner over her own kids,

she was even hesitant about moving in with William but I encouraged her because he makes her happy and he is a nice man. It’s been almost two months and they refuse to talk to her or have low contact with her and that is hurting her, she asked my grandpa for a divorce and he got mad at her and accused her of cheating.

They were talking sh\*t about her (they 6 at a family dinner) thus I told them to grow up and stop acting like kids since they are not, I told them that they should be happy about their mom’s happiness because that woman dedicated her life to make life easier for them and it’s so unfair that they sh\*t on her while praising my grandpa (who had girlfriends by the way)

They all called me TA for not taking their feelings into consideration and they say that something doesn’t feel right about their mom dating at this age. They accuse her of cheating but that isn’t cheating, they haven’t been together for around 25 years,

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my grandpa had couple of gfs (yes, they were mad at him too, but it’s time to grow up) AITA for telling them to grow up, I think they need to understand that their parents ain’t getting back together (in case they have a hope) and that grandma has a right to be happy, I mean she did her job already without any help.

Family ties can bind or bruise, and this grandson’s clash with his elders over his grandmother’s romance exposes deep-seated tensions. After 25 years apart from a neglectful husband, the grandmother’s move to live with William is no affair—yet her children’s accusations reveal more about their biases than her actions. Let’s dive in.

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The siblings’ anger stems from a mix of loyalty to their father and discomfort with their mother’s late-life romance. Dr. Terri Apter, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Adult children often struggle with parents’ new partners, especially if old wounds linger.”

The grandfather’s neglect—squandering money, abandoning his family—contrasts sharply with the grandmother’s sacrifices, yet the siblings’ selective outrage (tolerating his girlfriends) smacks of double standards. Their claim that dating at 65 feels “wrong” reflects ageist attitudes; over 20% of adults over 60 are in new relationships, per a 2023 Pew study.

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The grandson’s call to “grow up” was blunt but rooted in truth: the grandmother deserves happiness after decades of selflessness. His bias, as her confidant, is understandable, but dismissing their feelings may have escalated conflict. Dr. Apter advises, “Validating emotions while asserting boundaries fosters understanding.”

He could acknowledge their shock while urging them to prioritize their mother’s joy. The siblings, meanwhile, must confront their father’s failures and let go of unrealistic hopes for reconciliation. This story underscores the need for empathy in family rifts.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rallied with fiery support and witty jabs for this family drama. Here’s what the community tossed into the mix:

ElevatorOk8601 − NTA. Legally, they're separated. Unfortunately, your grandma will have to divorce grandpa if she does want to have a marriage between her and William recognized under state and federal law.. It's not an affair since they're separated (married only by law).

chaoticmagicmushroom − NTA. Your dad, uncles and aunts are childish and are acting in a selfish way. Your grandma has the right to be happy at any age, and as you said this is very far from cheating,

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since your grandparents split up over two whole decades ago. Your family needs to accept that, and let her have some joy and happiness in her life finally, when she can focus on herself, instead of focusing on raising 5 kids alone.

Letters_from_summer − NTA. Your grandparents have legally been separated for 25 years and your dad and his siblings bare being ageist by saying at 65 your grandma is too old to date. Personally, I'd be telling them the statistics about STDs in the senior population.

The geriatric population REALLY likes to get it on, you know, seeing as they don't have to worry about anyone getting knocked up. Those senior living communities and nursing homes are just a much more wrinkled version of Love Island. And your Grandma still has 20 years to go before she hits that crowd. I'm not at all kidding. Look it up. Old people are really into lots of casual s**.

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You are 100% right on this. You are awesome for having your grandma's back. I hope your Grandma and William have the best golden years together and that her children all get their heads out of their asses and grovel at their mom's and William's feet for being dicks.

whynot246810 − NTA. It's sad that you are more mature than your uncles/aunt's and father.

fallingfaster345 − Children care entirely too much about their adult parent’s s** lives and mistakes. If everyone would just mind their own business…. Like you said, she was an amazing mother and all of this is ancient history. Her getting a divorce and acknowledging her partner of 25 years to her family

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and moving in with them is one of the best moves she could have ever made and while I think she should have done it 25 years ago, better late than never. You are NTA, and grandma is NTA, but her kids need to chill out and realize that this affects them in no way.

Mom_of_many2442 − Nta. Good for your grandma!!

Friendly_Order3729 − NTA. but it’s not really an affair, yea she was legally married but separated. I have had family who have dated other people whilst still technically ‘married’ whilst waiting for a divorce. If it was an actual affair,

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as in your grandparents had been happily married the whole time, then I could see why your parents would be mad. Telling them to grow up isn’t going to help though, I would keep the argument to the fact that they haven’t been together in over 20 years

LopsidedRhino − NTA, you're an amazing grandson!

WinEquivalent4069 − NTA. Estranged for over 2 decades and your grandfather has have several girlfriends during this very long separation. Your dad and all his siblings despite their feelings need to realize after 2 decades of separation that their parents are not going to reconcile. It doesn't matter if grandma is dating or not that marriage is over.

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hushdrinkcoffee − NTA at all. And rock on for your grandma for being so badass.

These Redditors didn’t hold back, but do their takes capture the full picture?

This grandson’s fierce defense of his grandmother’s happiness shines a light on love’s power to divide or unite. His family’s grudge against her romance clings to outdated norms, but his blunt words risk widening the gap. Was he right to challenge their hypocrisy, or should he have softened his approach? Family loyalty is a tangled web—how would you navigate such a rift? Share your story below and let’s unpack this messy, heartfelt drama together.

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