AITA for telling my coworker to stop using my personal belongings?

In a bustling software company, a woman’s patience wore thin as her coworker casually pilfered her belongings, from pens to a cherished homemade lunch. What started as minor annoyances escalated to a brazen invasion of her personal laptop and new headphones, pushing her to a fiery confrontation. Her demand for respect sparked office whispers, with some cheering her stand and others calling her outburst overblown. It’s a tale of workplace camaraderie gone sour, where boundaries became battle lines.

This story dives into the tension of shared spaces and personal limits, with Reddit rallying behind the woman’s right to her stuff. Packed with relatable gripes and sharp clapbacks, it’s a narrative that blends frustration with a call for respect. With humor and heart, it pulls you into a world where a stapler’s swipe can ignite a showdown, leaving you to wonder: how far would you go to guard your desk?

‘AITA for telling my coworker to stop using my personal belongings?’

So, I (28F) have been working at this small software company for about three years now, and I genuinely love my job. I have great coworkers and the work environment is generally positive. However, there is this one coworker, let's call her Sarah (32F), who has been increasingly crossing boundaries.

A bit of background, Sarah joined the company around a year ago, and we were initially friendly. We would have lunch together occasionally and chat about random things. I didn't think much of it, and it seemed like a normal office friendship. However, over time, I noticed that Sarah had started to use my belongings without asking for permission.

For example, she would take my stapler, pens, or even my phone charger without asking. At first, I brushed it off as her just being forgetful and not realizing that these were my personal items. I tried to be understanding and not let it bother me.

But then, things started to escalate. One day, I brought in a special lunch I had prepared as a treat for myself. It was a dish that my grandmother used to make for me, and it had a lot of sentimental value. I had placed it in the fridge with a note clearly stating it was mine. When lunchtime came around, I discovered that Sarah had taken and eaten my lunch.

I confronted her, and she apologized, claiming that she thought it was meant for the whole office to share. I didn't buy it, but I let it go to avoid causing a scene. Over the next few months, Sarah's behavior continued to worsen. She began using my personal laptop without asking, even though we all have our own work computers.

She would also use my coffee mug and other personal items, despite me having my name on them. I tried to address it politely and asked her to stop, but she would just laugh it off and say she didn't mean any harm.

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Finally, I reached my breaking point last week. I had bought a new, expensive pair of headphones to use at work, and I had left them on my desk overnight. When I arrived the next day, I found Sarah using them at her desk. I was furious and asked her to hand them over immediately. She tried to play it off as a joke, but I had enough.

I told her that it was not funny and that she needed to stop using my personal belongings without permission. I said it was disrespectful and a violation of my privacy. The rest of the office heard the commotion and some of my coworkers agreed with me, while others said I was overreacting and should let it go.

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Sarah hasn't spoken to me since, and the atmosphere has become tense. A few coworkers have even suggested that I owe Sarah an apology for embarrassing her in front of everyone.. So, AITA for telling my coworker to stop using my personal belongings?

This office clash is a masterclass in boundary violations gone unchecked. The woman’s initial tolerance of Sarah’s small grabs—pens, a charger—set a precedent that emboldened bolder moves, like eating a sentimental lunch and using her laptop. Her polite requests to stop, laughed off by Sarah, reflect a disregard for basic respect. The headphone incident was the final straw, and her confrontation, while heated, was a justified stand against repeated oversteps. Sarah’s deflection as a “joke” only underscores her refusal to take accountability.

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The broader issue here is workplace etiquette and personal boundaries. A 2023 study in the Journal of Occupational Psychology found that 60% of workplace conflicts arise from unclear boundaries, often escalating when minor issues are ignored. Sarah’s actions, especially using clearly labeled personal items, breach standard office norms.

HR expert Amy Gallo advises, “Clear, firm communication is key to enforcing boundaries at work” . Here, the woman’s early leniency may have signaled permissiveness, but her escalation was warranted after Sarah’s disregard. The coworkers’ split reactions—some backing her, others urging an apology—reflect a common divide where confrontation is seen as “drama” rather than principle.

The woman should document incidents and report to HR, using tips from SHRM on addressing workplace theft. Locking her items or labeling them more prominently could deter future grabs. A calm discussion with supportive coworkers might clarify her stance.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up a fiery mix of support for the woman and shade for Sarah’s audacity. From urging HR action to slamming Sarah’s “joke” excuse, the comments are a spicy blend of outrage and advice. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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leopardprintbra − NTA but you need to go to HR

Lex1982 − NTA The headphones / lunch were yours and not hers. While I would argue using a stapler isn’t harmful, it just adds to everything else. What is most irritating about her seems to be she tries to just laugh it off and carry on like she hasn’t done anything wrong.. Don’t apologize, wait for her to do that.

OwnedByACrazyCat − NTA. Speak to your manager and/or HR The stapler and even the charger are kinda reasonable but the lunch, your personal laptop and your headphones is completely out of order

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toxicredox − NTA. You asked her multiple times to stop using your stuff and were perfectly civil when she *literally* ate your lunch and tried to pretend that she thought it was 'for the whole office' (funny how it was clearly single serve and she ate it all herself).

But she kept essentially stealing from you. If she didn't want to be 'embarassed' by a 'scene' maybe she should've listened to your multiple requests to stop using your stuff before you escalated to causing a scene. This didn't happen in a vacuum, and she knows it.

gumbuoy − NTA and you should also escalate it to your manager to let them know it happened and see if they think it should be escalated further.. Someone who can’t be trusted to accept personal boundaries, and doesn’t take their coworkers seriously, is a liability.

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Timely_Proposal_1821 − NTA - I would have exploded over the dish stealing. How can you even think about doing that? Whatever, put your foot down. And to any colleague saying you should let it go, tell them you'll let Sarah know they're okay for her to borrow what she wants from them. See how they like it.

Borgteddy − Info: Does she only do it to your stuff or does she do it to your other colleagues as well?

Lisaleslut − NTA - your stuff is your stuff.. Go to HR. Document all this.

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KaliTheBlaze − NTA. I suspect your coworkers who have suggested you owe her an apology are only seeing a single violation (borrowing your headphones) and not the whole string of them. If someone says or hints at that again, tell them that you might if that was the first time offense, but she’s been constantly taking your personal items without permission, and she ignored you when you were polite about asking her to stop.

I do have to wonder one thing - when you said you handled it politely, did you actually use firm words like “stop” or did you hint that you were unhappy about it? The way you describe it, it sounds like you used properly clear, firm language and there could be no question about the situation, but if you hinted and were gentle about this,

it could’ve been an instance culture conflict - some folks are raised to understand that subtle hints are the polite and proper way to communicate, while others are raised with more direct communication, and I’ve ended up on the wrong side of that kind of conflict a time or two.

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Ask vs guess culture is another instance of this - I was raised in ask culture, where it’s appropriate to ask for things pretty directly, where in guess culture you’re supposed to hint politely and hope the other person will offer, because it’s rude to refuse a direct request. I trampled a friend’s feelings pretty badly because I would ask about doing things together or borrowing things,

and she was raised in guess culture and felt uncomfortable saying no until she was so frustrated she blew up at me (this happened in high school, and was really my first introduction to the idea that there was this cultural divide,

but I was solidly an adult before I read a piece that laid it all out in a way I could clearly understand what my friend’s expectations were back then - at the time, I just trimmed waaaay back on what I asked or suggested, and didn’t really understand why she didn’t ask for or suggest what she wanted more clearly)

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Maleficent_Fault6012 − Is Sarah a single, white female?

These Redditors cheered the woman’s stand, calling Sarah’s actions blatant disrespect, though some wondered if cultural communication styles played a role. Many pushed for escalation to management, while others shared their own office boundary woes. Do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

This woman’s story is a sharp reminder that respect in shared spaces starts with honoring personal boundaries. Sarah’s casual thefts, from a stapler to a sacred lunch, pushed her to a breaking point, and her confrontation was a reclaiming of her space. The office’s mixed reactions highlight how standing up can stir tension but also spark change. It’s a tale of patience tested and principles upheld, where a desk becomes a battleground. How would you handle a coworker who treats your stuff like their own? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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