AITA for telling my coworker that it’s creepy that she has a nanny cam to watch her husband?

Picture a lively office break room, where coffee mugs clink and gossip flows—until a phone screen flashes a shocking sight: a bedridden man, unaware he’s being watched. When one woman spotted her coworker monitoring her sick husband via a secret nanny cam, a casual chat turned into a heated clash over privacy and care. The coworker’s heart was in the right place, but the hidden camera left everyone uneasy. Was it love or an overstep?

This workplace drama dives into a modern tug-of-war between technology and trust. As the coworker dodges her colleague after their public spat, the office buzzes with divided opinions. The woman now wonders if her blunt words crossed a line, pulling us into a story that’s as relatable as it is thorny.

‘AITA for telling my coworker that it’s creepy that she has a nanny cam to watch her husband?’

My f29 coworker f32 has been going through some rough times lately. Her husband is sick (respiratory issues) and was admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks. He's at home now and is bedridden. The other day, We were (me, her and other coworkers) sitting together chattering when I noticed my coworker looking at a live video of her husband sleeping in their bedroom.

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Out of curiosity I asked her about it and she said she installed a nanny cam to be able to watch her husband while she's away from home. Not gonna lie, this felt kind of violating to me especially when she said he didn't know she put the cam in there. I pointed at her phone and said that it was creepy if her to do that and without him knowing about it.

The other coworkers stared at us and she lashed out saying that she was doing this out of concern for him, because although his sister comes over to take care of him, she (my coworker) still needs to keep an eye on him. I said that this was my opinion and that situations like this do not exactly excuse violating someone's privacy.

She got mad and said that I must be projecting which might be true but still, it was about the concept of privacy. We had an argument and got a bit loud and she walked away upon saying that I was judgemental and that it was none of my business anyway.

The other coworkers were split on this. Some chose to stay out of it and some agreed with me that my coworker has no respect for her husband's privacy. Giving the current atmesphere at the office, I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't have talked to her about it. She keeps avoiding me now.

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This office flare-up exposes the tightrope walk of caregiving versus privacy. The coworker’s secret nanny cam, meant to ease her worries about her husband’s health, crosses a line by bypassing his consent. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states in The Gottman Institute (source), “Transparency is essential for trust; hidden actions, even with good intent, can fracture intimacy.” The coworker’s fear is understandable, but secrecy risks eroding her husband’s trust.

The conflict pits the coworker’s protective instincts against the OP’s defense of privacy. The coworker, burdened by her husband’s recent hospitalization, prioritizes safety, while the OP sees the lack of disclosure as a betrayal. A 2022 study in Family Relations (source) shows 62% of couples report trust issues when surveillance lacks consent, highlighting the broader issue of technology’s role in relationships.

This situation reflects a societal shift where devices blur personal boundaries. Dr. Gottman suggests open dialogue to set clear boundaries before using monitoring tools. The coworker could discuss the camera with her husband, ensuring his comfort while addressing her concerns. Alternatives like medical alert devices could also help. The OP’s direct approach, though honest, fueled workplace tension—a gentler tone might have sparked discussion instead.

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Readers should consider how trust and technology intersect in their own lives. Open communication, not secrecy, is key to balancing care and respect in relationships.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad dove into this drama with gusto, dishing out a platter of cheers and jeers. Some backed the OP’s privacy stance with virtual high-fives, while others roasted her for meddling in a caregiver’s struggle. It’s like a digital potluck where everyone brought a spicy opinion. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Having a cam to monitor how her husband is doing after medical issues is legitimate and probably gives her peace of mind. But NOT TELLING HIM ?! Definitely creepy. Why ? This is a huge breach of trust.

FakenFrugenFrokkels − NTA. Your coworker is an AH for not telling hubby there’s a cam. All that said - there’s another reason that camera is there without his knowledge. Only your coworker knows and it’s why she blew up.. Note: YWBTA if you were to continue talking about it.

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Schulle2105 − I'm honest for me this was kind of a ride,reading headline NTA,reading the medical issues I thought YTA and not your place to judge,but then you mentioned that he doesn't know and due to that clear NTA on your side,I can understand this to have a help to monitor him with thise issues but why in the world does she keep it a secret.. This is controlling without end and worrysome for the husband

AbbyBirb − NTA. I am disabled, we have cameras at home in main areas (not bedrooms or bathrooms). My husband is able to check on me this way if I didn’t answer my phone or something.. I am okay with this and helped choose where they should/shouldn’t go. So 100% with my knowledge & blessing.. I would be so terribly creeped out and violated if my husband just did this without my knowledge.

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bibbiddybobbidyboo − ESH. Her husband should know, but equally if she’s not monitoring him and he dies and she didn’t get an ambulance there or falls and it took a long time to get help after the fall which could again result in death, then how do you think she’d feel?

“He died because I didn’t supervise him but that’s ok, I’ve lost the live of my life but my colleague felt monitoring him to keep him alive was creepy”. Seriously, rather than go to “it’s creepy” you could have empathized. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to go to work that worried about your spouse.

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OkSwitch9477 − YTA.. It’s none of your damn business. She is his primary caregiver and, clearly, sole provider and she is doing what *she* feels is best for her situation. It isn’t for you to judge. You asking what others think of it is literally gossiping at her place of work which is an AH thing to do. You’re more worried about being right than the fact that she’s doing her damn best.

Urbanspy87 − NTA. If he is of sound mind and doesn't know he is being observed this is a major violation, even if they are married. She may have good intentions or be doing it out of fear but it would rub me the wrong way

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LostBoiFromNeverland − NTA, borderline E S H. What she is doing *is* creepy and violating. Calling her out on it (or just having a genuine, albeit negative, reaction to seeing what she is doing) isn’t an issue, imo. But continuing to talk about it and then argue or getting heated while at work over something that is none of your business is where it starts to shift for me.

PJfanRI − YTA. Your coworker's personal life has absolutely nothing to do with you. Her husband is sick and just got back from the hospital. Furthermore, you have no background whatsoever into the dynamics of his illness and their relationship.. Your opinion is 100% irrelevant. If your work atmosphere is more uncomfortable you have nobody to blame but yourself.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I don’t understand the Y T A votes. You’re defending someone who can’t defend themselves because they don’t know they are being violated. It would be different if her husband knew he was being watched. If she’s doing it for his safety, why didn’t she tell him?

These Redditors split like a cracked coffee mug—some hailed the OP for defending an unaware husband, others argued she overstepped into a private struggle. Do these fiery takes nail the issue, or are they just stirring the pot?

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This office showdown serves up a juicy slice of real-world ethics, where care and control collide. The OP’s call-out sparked a rift, showing how fast good intentions can turn messy. As technology weaves deeper into our relationships, trust hangs in the balance. Would you speak up like the OP or keep quiet in her shoes? Drop your thoughts and share how you’d navigate this tricky terrain!

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