AITA For Telling My Cousin To Let Go Of a 7-Year-Old Tantrum?
Family dynamics can be complicated, especially when past hurts linger for years. In this case, a 17‑year‑old OP recounts an incident from her childhood—a tantrum thrown when she was just 7—that continues to cast a shadow over her relationship with her 30‑year‑old cousin, Adrianne.
Although the incident seems trivial by many standards, it has left deep emotional scars for Adrianne, who still holds a grudge over what she perceives as an insult on her birthday. Now, as the OP seeks help with navigating college applications in Adrianne’s state, she wonders if she was wrong for telling her cousin to simply let it go.
‘AITA for telling my cousin to stop holding a grudge over something I did when I was 7?’
Experts in family psychology emphasize that childhood incidents, even those that seem minor in hindsight, can leave lasting emotional impressions. Dr. Elaine Thompson, a specialist in family dynamics, explains, “Children are still developing emotionally, and a meltdown at age 7 can be interpreted in various ways by older relatives. What might seem trivial to one person can be perceived as a deep personal slight by another.”
Additionally, developmental psychologists note that genuine apologies need to be free of ulterior motives. When an apology is coupled with a request for favor—as in asking for help with college applications—it can be seen as less sincere. Dr. Michael Reyes, an expert in adolescent behavior, adds, “Timing is crucial. Apologizing only when you need something from the other party can inadvertently reinforce the idea that the apology is transactional, rather than a heartfelt attempt to mend past hurt.”
This situation highlights the complexity of familial forgiveness. While the OP might feel that, given her age, the incident should be long past, Adrianne’s enduring feelings suggest that the emotional wounds remain open. Genuine healing often requires time, empathy, and clear, unambiguous remorse—elements that can be undermined if the apology seems tied to a personal benefit.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
The Reddit community’s response to the OP’s dilemma has been largely critical. Many users argue that the apology came too late—and primarily because the OP needed help with college. One commenter noted that if the apology were sincere, it wouldn’t be paired with a request for favors. Others remarked that it’s understandable for someone to hold onto a childhood memory if they feel it undermined their self-worth, and that dismissing those feelings as something that “should be let go” is both insensitive and self-serving.
Several commenters stressed that the OP’s actions, both then and now, reflect a degree of entitlement. They suggested that if the incident was truly hurtful, a more genuine, untimed apology might have helped mend the relationship. The overall consensus among critics is that the OP’s approach was flawed—apologizing only when convenient and expecting immediate forgiveness for a wound that may run much deeper than she realized.
In conclusion, the tension between the OP and her cousin Adrianne underscores the difficulty of letting go of childhood grievances. While the OP believes that, with time, the incident should no longer matter, the deep emotional impact on Adrianne suggests otherwise. This situation raises important questions about the nature of apologies and the timing of seeking reconciliation.
Is it fair to expect forgiveness when the apology seems contingent upon a personal favor? Have you ever experienced or witnessed a situation where past hurts continued to affect relationships? Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you navigate the fine line between moving on and respecting someone’s long-held feelings?
