AITA for telling my cousin that she’s a bad parent and that her kids need to be taken away?

A babysitting gig turns into a nightmare when a woman discovers her cousin T’s kids are living without a working toilet, peeing in the yard, and pooping in pudding cups. Furious at T’s neglect—blamed on a plumber boyfriend’s delay and her depression—she unleashes a tirade, calling T a “shit parent” in front of the children and demanding they be taken away.

This isn’t just about a clogged pipe—it’s a gut-wrenching clash of care and chaos. Her outrage, tempered by regret for yelling, earns Reddit’s NTA nod for exposing neglect but a slap for scaring the kids. Like a home reeking of despair, the story probes the line between righteous anger and reckless words, asking how to protect kids without breaking their hearts.

‘AITA for telling my cousin that she’s a bad parent and that her kids need to be taken away?’

I have this cousin. I'll call her T. She has three children. Two girls and a little boy. She asked me if id come baby sit them while she went to work because her babysitter quit last minute. I was happy to. I drive out there and start doing my thang. Great kids they are and I love spending time with them.

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Ive always felt kinda bad for them because of multiple reasons in the past. Anyways this time I had enough. I go to use their bathroom and it stinks to high heaven. Most awful smell ive ever smelt. I go try to use the potty because I really had to go. I had a long drive. I open the seat and there's s**t all the way to the top on this dang thing.

I ran out gagging. I asked the kids why it was like that. They said it's because their mom's friend came over and flushed a freaking phone down toilet. I then asked how long ago that was because... Dang. They said they didn't know. I asked if they still use it and they said no and that they use the bathroom while at school....and this is the really n**ty part.

When they had to go pee while at the house they would just go in the yard. Which in my option is fine if they lived in the woods or something. But they live in a trailer park. And little girls squatting to pee where people could see them pissed me off. And then I asked what if they had to do the number 2...

These kids would take those little pudding cup things...eat the pudding, then poop into them and throw them in the trash. When T got home I was livid. I asked why the hell she had not got that fixed right when it happen. Her response was she is seeing a guy that is a plumber. He told her he'd come check it out. I asked when he was supposed to come fix it.

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She said ABOUT A WEEK AGO. I was so frustrated with her I screamed at her in front her her kids how she is a s**t parent and that the kids dont need to be around her and that they need to be taken away. She starting crying and I left.

I called her mom and told her the situation and she told me that T was going through some hard core depression and that she didnt know about what was going on but that she would take care of it. I feel like an ass for saying what I said. Especially in front of her kids. I know depression can be really really hard to deal with.

The woman’s confrontation with T was fueled by justified horror at the children’s living conditions—lacking a functional toilet is a clear case of neglect, endangering their health and dignity. However, screaming in front of the kids, while understandable in the heat of the moment, risked further trauma for already vulnerable children. T’s depression, while serious, doesn’t excuse her failure to address a basic need.

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A 2023 study in Child Abuse & Neglect found that 63% of neglect cases involve inadequate sanitation, often tied to parental mental health struggles, requiring urgent intervention (ScienceDirect, 2023). Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a child trauma expert, notes, “Neglect compounds trauma, but adult conflicts in front of kids can amplify their distress” (CenterForYouthWellness.org). The woman’s call to T’s mother was a step toward accountability, but the situation demands formal reporting.

Reddit’s NTA lean validates her concern but rightly flags the yelling as harmful. T’s delay in fixing the toilet, relying on an unreliable partner, shows a lapse in responsibility.

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She should anonymously report the situation to CPS to ensure the kids’ safety without personal risk (ChildHelp.org). Offering to support T’s mother in getting T therapy or resources could help long-term. Apologizing to the kids for the outburst might ease their fear.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s unloading a firestorm of reactions to this trailer park tragedy, with fierce support and a pinch of critique—brace for the raw takes!

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Acceptable-Abalone20 - NTA. Having depression is bad. But she is a mother! She can't let her kids be without a working toilet for weeks! If she can't manage everything because of her mental health, she need to seek help (therapy for her, family or friends for the kids). For her children.. But you are an a**hole for screaming before the kids.

Edit: Why i find not E S H? i can understsnd the screaming pretty well and i would have done so myself. So i think it is a light a**hole move. Why still a**hole even light? The children had hard times with over a week without a toilette sbd that is just what we and OP knows of. And i think you should never scream in front of children if you can avoid it.

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MartiniKLewis - NTA. That is serious n**lect. Probably shouldn’t have yelled at her in front of the kids as they don’t need the added stress, but those kids need to be checked on. If her depression is affecting her to the point her children have to s**t in pudding cups (thinking about how hard/messy that would be, there is also probably fecal matter everywhere) she needs help, and I’m thinking a cps check up.

ShibeDogeBork - NTA for how you reacted. Could it have been handled better? Sure. HOWEVER you need to call and report this abuse and n**lect not doing that or taking the kids with you when you could have makes you an AH. Those kids need to be out of there ASAP. Cousin can get her s**t together to get the kids back.

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HRH_Elizadeath - NTA. social worker here: running water, functioning toilet, heat, and electricity are absolute essentials and not only could she lose her kids, she could face fines or jail time/probation for not having a working toilet. she must have this fixed asap.

cara180455 - NTA. Call CPS.

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denada24 - How does poop even fit into a tiny pudding cup? Are they baby rabbits? That’s so awful. The kids are traumatized enough from the sound of it, saying that in front of them wasn’t the best way and probably scared them. I’m glad you told her mom so she could help.

Calling CPS could also help her get the help she needs it doesn’t always mean they’re taking their kids away-usually they are not removed from the home in worse situations. Please give them a call. It’s a needed wake-up call at the least and better resources and support at best.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Although I don't think you should've screamed at her in front of her children, It's a complicated situation. she is depressed and that surely is something hard to deal with, however the children's well being (and hers as well) comes first, and you as a family member has all the right to feel worried/angry.

It's a good thing that you talked to her mother, but you should continue to check on her/help her seek help. And if things stay the same or if they get worse, I think you should call the authorits, after all the children's well being comes first.

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brita998866 - NTA, she is neglectful at BEST!

B0326C0821 - WTF call the f**king cops. That is not only disgusting but a health and safety hazard.. She does not deserve to be a mom.. NTA but seriously, at the very least, notify Child Protective Services. That is just vile.

Top-Bar3863 - NTA but yeah you shouldn’t have yelled in front of the kids. I understand how hard it can be to battle depression as a single mom. My SIL has been going through it for a while. With that said, there’s no excuse for the living situations those kids are in. That’s n**lect. Hopefully your aunt takes care of the situation like she said she will.

These are Reddit’s most blistering comments, but do they flush out the full tangle of neglect and nuance?

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This tale of a toilet crisis and a cousin’s rage is a wrenching reminder that kids deserve better than neglect, but anger can wound as much as it protects. Reddit backs the woman’s stand against T’s failures, urging CPS to step in while wincing at her outburst. It’s a call to shield the vulnerable without shattering their world. How would you handle a family member’s parenting so dire it demands action? Drop your thoughts below—let’s dive into this messy moral swamp!

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