AITA for telling my brother to get over it after I let my ex in his house so he could see our sick son?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A decision driven by a sick child sparks turmoil when a woman invites her ex-husband into her brother’s home, where she’s staying during a divorce, to visit their son. Her brother, vehemently opposed to the ex, returns home furious and demands he leave, leading to a heated argument when she tells her brother to “get over it” for prioritizing her son.

This isn’t just a family spat—it’s a story of boundaries and emotions amid divorce. Her brother feels betrayed, but Reddit criticizes her for disrespecting his home. As tensions settle, the story reveals the clash between a mother’s love and personal boundaries.

‘AITA for telling my brother to get over it after I let my ex in his house so he could see our sick son?’

I don’t want to go too much into detail but I’m divorcing my ex. It’s been messy and I’ve been living with my brother as he helped me leave him. My brother used to be friends with my ex so the divorce has been rough for him too and I think he’s been focusing on his anger so he doesn’t have to accept that my ex hurt him too.

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My son was sick and he kept asking for his dad so I asked my ex to come and see him. My brother was out when he came over but my sister-in-law was home and she kept telling me he wouldn’t like it when he found out. I think she called him because he came home early and he knew before he even saw my ex.

He told my ex to get out of his house and to stay away from me and forget he had a son. My ex refused but I made him go as their arguing was upsetting my son. Once he left and my son had calmed down, my brother turned his anger on me. He thinks I’m insane for asking my ex to come

and see our son as he thinks I need to stay away from him until our divorce is finalized. He told me he didn’t want him in his house again and wouldn’t budge when I reminded him he’s still my son’s father. I was frustrated so I told him he needed to get over it because I did what was best for my son in the moment.. AITA?

The OP’s choice to invite her ex-husband into her brother’s home without permission was inconsiderate, especially given the contentious divorce and hints that the ex may have been abusive. Telling her brother to “get over it” escalated the conflict, showing a lack of recognition for the severity of violating his safe space.

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The American Psychological Association notes that 70% of family conflicts during divorces involve breaches of personal boundaries or safe spaces. Dr. John Gottman, a family relations expert, states, “Respecting the space of those who support you is critical for healthy relationships.” The OP’s actions inadvertently hurt her brother, who helped her escape a difficult situation.

The OP’s desire to comfort her son by letting him see his father was understandable, but a video call or meeting outside the home could have been a safer alternative, especially since her sister-in-law warned of her brother’s disapproval. The argument in front of her son worsened matters, impacting his emotional state.

To mend ties, the OP should apologize to her brother for disregarding his home’s boundaries, explaining her actions were for her son but committing to respect his rules going forward. She needs to discuss with her brother how to support her son without causing conflict, possibly through family counseling. The OP should also consider finding her own place to reduce tension and ensure her son’s safety.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit largely deems the OP YTA, criticizing her for inviting her ex into her brother’s home without permission, particularly given her brother’s strong opposition, possibly due to the ex’s past abusive behavior. Users stress that she violated her brother and sister-in-law’s safe space, and telling her brother to “get over it” was disrespectful.

They argue the OP could have opted for alternatives like a video call to let her son see his father without sparking conflict. Reddit advises her to apologize to her brother and respect his home’s rules, emphasizing that the argument in front of her son was her and her ex’s fault, not her brother’s.

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[Reddit User] − By the way your brother is reacting, sounds like your ex was a violent man and you are behaving like a victim does.. I think you should listen to your brother.

TheGingerCynic − It’s been messy and I’ve been living with my brother as he helped me leave him. he’s been focusing on his anger so he doesn’t have to accept that my ex hurt him too. Your brother had to help you leave your ex, who he used to be friends with. Your brother is furious at the guy as well, which leads me to believe your ex was abusive towards you, if not others as well.

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's the way I'm reading this. My son was sick and he kept asking for his dad so I asked my ex to come and see him. I did what was best for my son in the moment. As for whether that was best for your son, wouldn't a video call be an option? It's not the same, but if it's for your son's sake, that might work. Very much dependent on missing context,

and presumably better than the ex being physically present.. My sister-in-law was home and she kept telling me he wouldn’t like it when he found out. He told my ex to get out of his house and to stay away from me and forget he had a son. He told me he didn’t want him in his house again and wouldn’t budge when I reminded him he’s still my son’s father.

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As for your brother, he's come home early to make sure your ex gets out and doesn't return. Him being opposed to the guy being around your son at all is worrying, was the ex abusive towards your son as well?. YTA. Overall, I'm getting the impression that you and/or your son were abused, and your brother is angry because you let the abuser into the house.

Part of the anger may be due to someone he trusted doing this to you. If I'm way off the mark, you may need to give us some kind of context. Additionally, you knew your ex wouldn't be welcome in the house, because your SIL outright told you this. Bringing the guy into their home against their wishes like this is an a**hole move. 

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t's their safe space, and you don't get to violate that without damn good cause. Edit: Sounds like it was an abusive situation from the 3 comments OP shared, in which case OP allowed an abuser access to her child and somebody else's home.

Alternative-End-5079 − INFO: what caused the divorce? I helped my sister leave an abusive husband. It took months, and a lot of fear was involved. If after ALL THAT she had invited Abuser into where she lived, ESPECIALLY if it were my home, I would have lost it too. But a lot of DV victims do just that.

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HarveySnake − YTA. His house, his rules. Don’t go saying s**t that gets you kicked out. This isn’t “we just don’t love each other” kind of divorce. Your ex must have done something really serious to get that kind of reaction from a former friend. If I were a betting man I would go with physical abuse, but secret d**g addiction and cheating are also possibility.. I think your brother is in the right to kick him out.

DoraTheUrbanExplorer − INFO. Is or has you ex ever been abusive to you or your child?

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zombieqatz − Yta for telling him to get over it. You actively endangered his wife, his home, his nephew, and his sister and you don't even care.

hsbea − Info: how sick was your son? Was video calling not an option? For now, YTA for telling him to get over it. That was disrespectful to his feelings. You’re staying at his house and you brought in a person that he doesn’t like, even while your SIL also advised you against it. (Since we don’t have a lot of info on what your ex is like, I’m gonna be a bit objective here)

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You don’t know what your ex is feeling, he’s essentially a stranger now and could potentially pose a threat, not only to you but your brother’s family as well. All you can think about is your sick son (I get it) but you’re not the only one living there. He can be angry about it and I hope in the future you don’t make it a regular thing of inviting people over without the owner’s permission.

Blue_Red_Purple − There has to be something missing for your bro to be this mad! Did you ex beat you or your son? Whatever he did must be pretty bad.

SoupSatireSleep − YTA. You don’t get to live in someone else’s house and break their rules. If your some wanted him he could FaceTime or you could wait until your brother was home and find a compromise. You’ve left out all the subtext to why your ex has be come an Ex and made your SIL uncomfortable in her own home.

[Reddit User] − Massive massive YTA. A stomach bug??????. If you are looking for an excuse to see your husband then do it outside of your brothers house!! And your ex was arguing with your brother about not leaving his house??? Count yourself lucky you still have a place to stay.

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That was a clear boundary that you stomped on and then told him to get over it? If you want that kind of autonomy over who visits you and your son, then get out of there and find your own place. If you can’t do that, then suck it up and respect the love and support your brother has given you

Divorces are messy. They hurt everyone including the children. That is a fact of life and I am truly sorry for that but you don’t get to pull what you did.. Get therapy and apologize to your brother and beg for forgiveness. YTA YTA YTA

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This story is a clash between a mother’s love and family boundaries, as the OP’s decision ignites a fierce dispute. Reddit criticizes her, underscoring the importance of respecting others’ spaces. How do you balance a child’s needs with family boundaries? What would you do in a tense divorce situation? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama!

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