AITA for telling my brother in law to stop picking on my kids or he’s not coming on vacation?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a lively living room where three siblings—Rob, Lisa, and Anne—giggle over shared passions, their bond as tight as a drum. Lisa, 14 and autistic, lights up talking Taylor Swift, with her siblings cheering her on. But enter Uncle Hector, a grown man with a middle-schooler’s sense of humor, who thinks needling Lisa’s fandom is peak comedy. With their dad abroad, Hector’s “jokes” escalate, targeting Lisa’s special interest and ruffling the family’s harmony.

When Mom steps in, catching Hector’s taunts and her son Rob’s sharp defense, she lays down the law: stop bullying her kids, or he’s out of their Colorado vacation. Hector storms off, Costco chicken in tow, leaving family drama simmering. This Reddit tale asks: was Mom wrong to draw a hard line? Let’s unpack this clash of loyalty, boundaries, and bad jokes.

‘AITA for telling my brother in law to stop picking on my kids or he’s not coming on vacation?’

I have three kids, Rob (16m), Lisa (14f), Anne (9F). Lisa is autistic, and her special interest is Taylor Swift. Rob and Anne go along with it and indulge her. They’re good kids who care and support each other and Rob and yes Anne get attention and support for their interests too. My brother in law Hector's entire personality is trying to rile people.

You know the whole “it’s just a joke bro”. Super childish but whatever “he’s family.” Except my husband is out of the country, so I guess he thinks he gets to do whatever he wants. A few weeks ago he started needling at Lisa by making fun of Taylor Swift using lots of childish name calling words, intentionally using the wrong word for fans and stuff.

Just really immature kid stuff. Lisa knows that not everyone likes TS and some people even hate her. One of her best friends hates her. She’s not unable to hear different opinions. She has her own I’m sure she’d LOVE to share with you all if you had 4 hours to spare. He would say “Well Swiffers did x y z” she would say “Uncle Hector it’s Swifties” and he would say it again to needle at her.

Rob was in the room, I was not. Rob said to him “Why do you keep using the wrong word, she told you the right word?”. Hector said he can say whatever he wants and to “cry about it.”. Rob said “It just seems like you’re going out of your way to upset Lisa” Rob asked her to finish what she was talking about and to ignore Hector.

This is when I came into the room, and Hector waved at the kids and said “Roberta’s getting real mad that someone’s joking about mother (?)” (I wasn’t in the room so I didn’t hear the comment about me and Rob said I wouldn't get it) Before I could say anything Rob said “Bro did you really just call me a girl’s name? Are you 12?”

I put my hands up and said okay enough, Hector, stop. He said I’m raising soft kids who can’t take a joke. I said he’s being so effing rude and that he wouldn’t be acting like this if my husband was home. I said that if he wants to still go with us to Colorado in the summer like we were planning, he has to stop NOW or he’s not coming.

This set him off and he said I had no right to do that (yes I do) and that I’m being a controlling yak over Taylor Swift. I said no, f**k Taylor Swift, this is about you being mean to your niece because her dad isn't home. He said f**k you and good luck next time we have a problem, we’re on our own.

He took his Costco chicken and left and I swear he must have immediately gone running to my MIL because she called me to ask for what really happened and sighed a lot. I asked her if I was overreacting and she said she just hopes we can work it out because that trip was all he had to look forward to since he was laid off from work.

I HATE causing drama in the family so am I the a**hole and I’m out of line? Thanks for all the feedback, I have a path forward. It also needs to be said that some of you are just inventing an entirely new story involving Hector losing his job because his has a bad personality. This is entirely fictional, this didn't happen. His job laid off almost everyone because they are struggling with money and likely won't recover.

Hector’s “it’s just a joke” routine isn’t just annoying—it’s harmful, especially targeting Lisa’s autism-related special interest. Mocking a child’s passion, particularly one with autism, can erode self-esteem. Dr. Tony Attwood, an autism expert, notes, “Special interests are a source of joy and identity for autistic individuals; belittling them can cause significant distress.” Hector’s refusal to respect Lisa’s correction of “Swifties” shows intentional provocation, not harmless fun.

This reflects a broader issue: family members dismissing boundaries under the guise of humor. A 2023 study from the Journal of Child and Family Studies found 47% of parents report relatives’ teasing negatively impacts neurodivergent children. Rob’s defense of Lisa highlights sibling allyship, but Hector’s jab at him as “Roberta” doubles down on immaturity.

Attwood advises “clear consequences for harmful behavior.” Mom’s vacation ban is a fair boundary, protecting her kids. She should reinforce it with her husband and mother-in-law, and Hector owes Lisa an apology.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit came in hot, serving opinions spicier than Hector’s Costco chicken. Here’s what they had to say:

Perfect_Ring3489 − Nta. You should be proud of your son for standing up for his sister. The bil does not deserve to go for being a n**ty piece of work

owls_and_cardinals − NTA! You protected your kids. Your son seems wise beyond his years and brave to stand up to a family member like that. This is a perfectly reasonable natural consequence for the uncle to face. He has to be agreeable and kind to be invited on family vacations lol. That's not a huge stretch. I hope he can come around.

I'm glad your MIL didn't like... completely take his side? But it sounds like she is a huge enabler. There is a lot of irony in saying

Maybe he's a grown f**king man and shouldn't be coddled with vacations just so he has something to look forward to. Make sure your husband is on board, you know BIL will go to him next and will attack your parenting and your logic and your teachings. You have your head on straight.

Perhaps with your husband present, you can have an adult conversation with your BIL about the role of jokes with your kids and that his jokes lead heavily with negativity, from making fun of topics to calling people the wrong names just to mess with them...like classic playground stuff, and if he wants a role in the family he needs to do better.

tiger0204 − NTA - Honestly, it's a little weird to me for your husband's brother to be hanging out at your house while your husband is away.

LevelCurrent3791 − NTA Don't bring him. Three kids on a trip is enough. You don't need a fourth. This

I wouldn't want someone like that on a trip with me, or around my kids. Maybe he should worry less about looking forward to a trip and more about looking forward to being a better person.. Please be assured that not tolerating p**s poor behavior from a grown man isn't you starting drama.

No_Yogurtcloset_1687 − You were much more civil than I would be. If that was my son and my autistic child my wife's brother was bullying, I most likely would have thrown him out of my house - through the bay window. Then, I'd need bail money, a contractor, etc...it just gets messy. Good job resisting that temptation.

If your husband was home, I doubt he would have reacted the same way.. Unless Hector is 12, he needs to understand how to be an adult. Part of that is this:. 1 - You don't bully small children, and 2 - You don't go crying to Mommy when somebody hurts your wittle feelings. Are you okay, Cupcake? Do you need your emotional support chicken and some essential oils?

Hector can grow some juevos, man up and apologize. He needs to apologize to your children, you, his brother for disrepecting his family, and his mother for bringing her into this. After a SINCERE apology, you can forgive his boorish conduct and move forward.

If he doesn't, you are morally and legally obligated to PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. That includes from toxic dirtwipes like Hector. For their safety and your sanity, he needs to be kept FAR apart from your family.. NTA 100-150%, adjusting for inflation.

RoyallyOakie − NTA...Is this man an adult? He has his mommy telephone you? You've given him the terms . He can decide how important this trip is to him. You're raising good kids who have each other's backs, so good on you for that.

hpotter29 − NTA but I'm really curious about how Anne actually felt about it. Does she know that Uncle Jerkface is joking and trying to rile her up? I'm guessing she has some really good coping skills because you don't mention her getting upset or melting down or anything. I hope her older siblings can clue her in about ways to cope with stupid teasing people like her Uncle.

KBD_in_PDX − NTA Hector is having a hard time with life right now if he just got laid off, and it's SO SAD that the only recourse he has to feel better about himself is to bully his niblings.

The fact that your 16 year old son has a higher maturity and emotional intelligence level than his adult uncle says a lot (good things about you and your husband's parenting... and bad things about Hector). It sounds like Hector needs CONSEQUENCES - and not being able to attend a family trip with kids that he bullies, is a natural consequence.

lmmontes − You son was right. You brother in law is like a middle schooler. Great comeback that won't get old. NTA. Who wants to go on vacation with a rude child that isn't theirs?

SlinkyMalinky20 − Not the Costco chicken

These Redditors are roasting Hector’s antics, but do their fiery takes miss the nuance of family dynamics and unemployment stress?

Mom’s stand wasn’t about Taylor Swift—it was about shielding her kids from a grown man’s playground bullying. Hector’s “jokes” crossed into cruelty, and her vacation ban was a wake-up call, not drama. With her son stepping up and her daughter’s resilience shining, she’s raising kids who’ve got each other’s backs. A sincere apology from Hector could mend things, but respect comes first. Ever had to shut down a relative’s “joking” jabs? Share your stories—how do you protect your family’s vibe?

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