AITA for telling my boyfriend’s friends I’d rather not vacation with them and that they’re gluttonous?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: a young couple dreaming of a cozy, romantic getaway, only for the boyfriend’s buddies to crash the party with their buffet-sized appetites. That’s the predicament one 23-year-old woman faced when her boyfriend’s friends invited themselves to their end-of-summer escape. Haunted by a Disneyland trip where these pals turned the magic kingdom into a foodie marathon, she put her foot down—hard. With one sharp word, “gluttonous,” she unleashed a firestorm of awkwardness.

Was she a diva for speaking her truth, or just protecting her dream vacation? This tale of clashing priorities and blunt honesty has Reddit buzzing, pulling us into a whirlwind of loyalty, boundaries, and theme park turkey legs. Let’s unpack this drama, where good intentions meet bad vibes, and see who’s really at fault.

‘AITA for telling my boyfriend’s friends I’d rather not vacation with them and that they’re gluttonous?’

I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (28m) for 4 years now. For context, these friends were friends with boyfriend for years before he met me. Over the years they have become my friends as well as we’re all part of the same circle now (about 14 people.) For obvious reasons, I’m not as close with them as my spouse is.

Now here’s where it all starts. Back in February 2019, my boyfriend and I decided to spend a weekend at Disneyland. It was originally going to be just us 2, but he had asked if I would be okay if he invited some friends (about 6 of the 14 people, of this 6, 4 were guys and 2 were women and they were girlfriends of 2 of the guys.)

These 4 guys are my boyfriend’s closest friends in the group. I agreed since I thought that it would be fun, but I was wrong. They (referring to the 4 guys) didn’t want to go on any rides, or see any of the shows. They only wanted to eat at the various Disney restaurants.

To be frank, I don’t care much for eating theme park food as tasty as it may be. The food is overpriced and I just don’t feel comfortable eating so much fattening food. The other women in the group didn’t care much for the food either, but they sat along while their partners ate.

This would have been fine if they let my boyfriend and I go off and enjoy ourselves, but they guilted him into not leaving them behind “we want to ride x ride together.” I did not enjoy my Disney weekend very much. Fast forward to this past weekend, the original Disney 6 were at our place.

My boyfriend brought up that we’re planning a little getaway near the end of summer. One of the guys said he’d love to join us and the others followed. Before I could say “actually it’s just a couple getaway for the two of us” my boyfriend said “Sure! Sounds great!.”

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I paused, and then said to the group “To be honest, I would prefer if you all didn’t come.” My boyfriend’s closest friend asked why I didn’t want them to come and I said “I just think we have different holiday priorities. As evidenced by Disney.” He then followed up with “Oh you didn’t have fun at Disney?”

I said “No, being gluttonous is not how I want to spend a vacation. It’s okay if you do, but it’s clear we’re just not compatible to holiday anymore.” The rest of the night was awkward and quiet. After they left, my boyfriend said I was being a diva and out of line.

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Vacation planning with friends can feel like herding cats, especially when priorities clash. This woman’s frustration is relatable—who hasn’t craved a quiet escape only to face an unexpected group takeover? Her boyfriend’s friends, focused on dining, saw the trip as a social feast, while she yearned for adventure. Both sides have valid desires, but the lack of communication turned this into a recipe for resentment.

The issue taps into a larger social dynamic: navigating group expectations. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 68% of young adults report stress from mismatched social plans, often due to poor communication (apa.org). Here, the friends’ self-invitation and the boyfriend’s quick agreement sidelined the woman’s needs, setting the stage for her outburst.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and open dialogue. Addressing concerns privately before they escalate prevents unnecessary conflict” (gottman.com). Her use of “gluttonous” was a misstep, alienating friends who might not see their foodie focus as excessive. A private chat with her boyfriend could have clarified boundaries without burning bridges.

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To move forward, she should apologize for the harsh word but stand firm on wanting a couple’s trip. Discussing vacation goals with her boyfriend beforehand can align their expectations. For group trips, setting clear activities—like splitting time between dining and rides—ensures everyone’s happy. Open, tactful communication is the key to avoiding another Disney debacle.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s serving up some spicy takes, with a side of shade! The community had plenty to say about this vacation clash, and they didn’t hold back. Here’s the scoop:

Fleetdancer − YTA. How to keep friends: 'I want this to be a romantic getaway for just the two of us, but we should all hang out again soon.' How to lose friends: 'F**k no I don't want to vacation with you lazy fat asses, yuck!' Guess which one you picked?

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[Reddit User] − Yea YTA....it's called tact and you could've worded it better saying you wanted to getaway with just your bf, not essentially calling the friends fat simply for enjoying food as part of their experience on vacation.

stressedstud − YTA. I’m sorry that your Disney experience last time didn’t go well because your bf’s friends had different priorities than you. But, calling them fat for them enjoying food on a vacation is just a s**tty move.

[Reddit User] − YTA youre not out of line up until the point you go off about “being gluttonous” its a really weird way to phrase going out to eat. Plenty of people love spending holidays eating and drinking out and your judgement about people enjoying their food honestly just reflects weirdly on you.

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Ive even gone on holiday to places in Spain (I’m from the UK so a quick trip) for the weekend just literally for eating and drinking the iberico hams, wines, tapas, etc. I love spanish food and rioja wines and though i definitely did nice city strolls and a couple of tourist things the main part for me was the food and wine, I’m pretty self confident in my self to say that having these preferences doesn’t make me a gluttonous a**oholic.

If you said something like that to me on holiday id assume you probably have a personal issue with eating. If this was such a s**t holiday at disney why did you not at any point say to your boyfriend im not enjoying this can we spend the last days just us two etc?

Weirdly it sounds like you’ve never even mentioned it at all to your boyfriend since the holiday based on his reaction to your friend? If you wanted a united front it wouldve been worth discussing it first. “Gluttonous” is just such a strange biblical term to use, and to accuse someone of being for eating out on holiday, something that is entirely normal. Just say you want to go away as a couple, that wouldve been enough.

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TLDR: You are right in wanting to go away just as a couple without his friends ruining your plans, but its weird that your making this into a judgement on their food intake, many people see holiday as a time to indulge. Also talk to your boyfriend.

moralprolapse − YTA. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you felt, but there was no call to be so direct and brutal. You should’ve pulled your bf aside and told him what was going on and that you weren’t having fun, can we go off by ourselves? That would’ve been fine, no hurt feelings.

peanutbutter_vibez − YTA. You called them gluttonous to their faces instead of just talking to your partner in private after the Disney incident and saying 'Look, babe, I didn't have a lot of fun in that group constellation because we didn't have th same interests, I'd be cool if we didn't repeat that or if we went alone next time'.. He clearly had no idea how you felt.

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acmack78 − YTA,. All you had to do was remove gluttonous and stick with the part about them wanting to try different restaurants all day and how that's not you idea of a fun vacation. Instead you were rude in your choice of words and are probably going to have to eat crow.. Edit:spelling

HermioneGranger7243 − YTA. Your boyfriend was right, that was Diva behavior. You should not have voiced those opinions (and voiced them so rudely) to his closest friends directly. You should have waited until after the night was over and addressed your concerns about them coming on the trip with your boyfriend directly after they left. Now you are the high maintenance B that no one is going to want at future events. I would apologize to his friends.

Bookish4269 − NTA. People saying you were rude seem to be missing the point. Your friends were *incredibly* rude to invite themselves along when your bf mentioned “a little getaway”. It is simply *not ok* to presume to invite yourself along on someone’s trip.

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It puts the person in the uncomfortable position of having to say “no, we don’t want you to come”. You should always assume that if someone wants you to come along, they will ask. Or, if you really want to take a trip with them, you can plan one together.

Your bf is almost 30, his friends are certainly old enough to know better than to invite themselves along on a trip. What they did was kind of manipulative, frankly. They likely know your bf wouldn’t want to say no if they ask to come along. But when you, his gf, spoke up and said “I’d prefer if you all didn’t come”, they should have said “ah, okay, private getaway, got it” and just *dropped it.*

Instead they responded like obtuse children with “duhhhhhh, but why?” That put you even more on the spot, and it is not surprising that you blurted out your frank opinion. In your position, I would have been so irritated by their rudeness I wouldn’t have been polite about it either..

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ETA: A lot of people in the comments don’t seem to know the meaning of the word “gluttonous”. It is *not* a synonym for “fat”, or “lazy”, or “slob”. You didn’t call them any of those things. If your description is accurate, they spent the whole weekend focused on going to eat at different restaurants while their GFs just sat there bored.

They didn’t actually go on rides, or see any shows, they just wanted to eat. They claimed they wanted to go on rides with you and your bf and didn’t want you to leave them behind, but instead of doing so they went to eat at yet another restaurant. That *is* gluttonous behavior. Not to mention rude and selfish.

LJnosywritter − ESH but some more than others. They shouldn't have invented themself, your SO shouldn't have agreed without even consulting you. But you didn't need to name call or call them gluttonous for enjoying indulging in less healthy foods when on a trip. It was a weekend trip right?

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Unless over 2 days they had something like 20 full meals, I think labelling it gluttony is a bit much. Personally I don't understand going to a theme park and not going on any rides, did they actually not go on any, or just not as many as you would have liked? Also you could have spoken up back then, made it clear you wanted to do more activities.

Your SO should have had a spine and spend the trip how you both wanted, not prioritizing his friends. Maybe your SO preferred their style of holidaying, not everyone wants to rush from activity to activity. You say they have become your friends as well but you couldn't politely tell them how you felt about Disney sooner?

Couldn't be polite but firm on wanting a trip with just you and your SO? This escalated when it didn't need to. Yes they shouldn't just invite themselves and assume you'll be happy about it, that was rude. Your SO didn't help and didn't seem to consider your feelings.

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You all need to talk like adults about things, not name call or keep quiet for over a year and then blurt everything out and not expect a reaction. And side note if any of them are religious gluttony is listed as one of the seven deadly sins, so might have been even more offensive to them.

These Redditors aren’t mincing words, but do their hot takes miss the mark on group dynamics? Maybe the real issue is less about food and more about unspoken expectations.

This vacation saga shows how quickly good times can sour when communication falters. The woman’s bluntness stirred the pot, but her desire for a couple’s retreat was valid. Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s friends and their foodie focus highlight how different vibes can clash. In a world where group plans often spiral, how do you set boundaries without starting a feud? What would you do if your romantic getaway got hijacked by friends? Share your thoughts below!

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