AITA for telling my boyfriend to “shut the hell up and dismiss himself”?

The room was quiet except for the faint hum of anime on the TV when Lily, a 21-year-old with a knack for keeping her cool, hit her breaking point. Her boyfriend, Max, had spent three months turning their shared apartment into a nonstop rap concert, spitting lyrics at her during naps, meals, and even her favorite shows. Waking her from a nap to show a music video was the final straw, prompting her to yell, “Shut the hell up and dismiss yourself!” Now, with Max sulking and her brother calling her harsh, Lily’s caught in a storm of guilt and frustration.

This isn’t just about a rap obsession; it’s a clash of boundaries and respect in a six-year relationship. The Reddit community dove in with fiery takes, and their reactions are as lively as a packed karaoke night. This tale of annoyance, outbursts, and unspoken needs pulls readers into the messy, relatable world of living with a partner’s quirks.

‘AITA for telling my boyfriend to “shut the hell up and dismiss himself”?’

I am 21f and he is 22m. We have lived together 3 years and have been together for 6. Generally we get along great. I don’t know what sparked this change in him but for the past 3 months he has been engaging in a really annoying habit.  He loves the rapper “pooh shiesty” and music like that. He raps the lyrics constantly all day long. He does this a few ways.

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1. He will have headphones in and rap every few lines out loud. He doesn’t realize how loud is constantly being and when reminded quiets down for a few minutes then will start back up. 2. The most annoying thing will be he constantly walks up to me, gets my attention just to rap some lyrics to me.

For example, I was watching anime - he walks in the room, gets my attention, tells me to pause it just to say “ I don’t do no beefing on no social sites” which is a rap lyrics. He will pause any activity im doing just to rap at me. 3. He will just have to show me a song, or will rap a lyric and want me to guess the artist and will not let it go until I try.

I have made it crystal clear I find this annoying as hell, and don’t like it and want him to stop. Today, I was taking a nap, and this man woke me up to show me a YouTube video of the EBG response to the diss track back in blood. I see red - I ask him why the hell he woke me up to show me this.

He starts rapping lyrics at me, and I end up yelling at him to “shut the hell up and dismiss yourself”. He kept trying to talk but I kept saying “ dismiss yourself” over and over until he left. Hours later, he is upset saying I was rude to him. I ask him why he thought waking me up to show me a song was a good idea.

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He said I thought I’d like it. I say you know damn well I don’t even like that music and hate you rapping at me. He got quiet and hasn’t stopped gaming since. My brother is staying with us temporarily and says while he even finds it annoying as hell, I’m the a**hole cause clearly he just trying to share what he enjoys. This made me feel guilty. AITA?

Relationships thrive on mutual respect, but Max’s relentless rapping is testing Lily’s limits. Waking her from a nap to share a music video, despite her clear objections, isn’t just annoying—it’s a boundary violation. According to Psychology Today, healthy relationships require respecting each partner’s needs, especially when one explicitly says “stop.” Max’s behavior, while possibly enthusiastic, ignores Lily’s comfort, turning a shared home into a battleground.

Lily’s outburst, though sharp, was a reaction to months of being steamrolled. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 70% of couples report tension when one partner disregards the other’s boundaries, often leading to emotional exhaustion. Max’s persistence, especially interrupting her nap, escalates this dynamic, hinting at deeper communication issues.

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Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, writes in a Psychology Today article, “Clear boundaries, calmly stated, prevent resentment from building.” Lily’s repeated requests were ignored, justifying her frustration. She should initiate a calm, firm talk with Max, explaining how his actions make her feel disrespected. Setting clear rules—like no interruptions during personal time—can help. If Max continues, couples counseling could realign their dynamic, ensuring both feel heard.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit jumped into Lily’s story with the energy of a sold-out concert, tossing out support and a few zingers. The community’s takes are as bold as Max’s rap antics—here’s what they said:

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Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. It sounds annoying overall, but he really crossed a line when he woke you up to rap at you!!!! No, thank you.

SolitaryTeaParty − NTA. He probably is excited and wants to share it, but he also **KNOWS** how much you dislike his rapping. And waking you up to try forcing his hobby on you? It’s a wonder you didn’t snap sooner.. There’s a point where excitement can become disrespect, and he was massively disrespectful.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This is like your 7 year old constantly talking about Minecraft. Just stop.

ParsimoniousSalad − Your brother is ignoring the fact that your BF is completely steamrolling over your feelings, time, and preferences to 'share' his hobby. BF knows full well he's annoying you and you don't like the music and he DOESN'T CARE. You are NTA. You should NOT feel guilty.

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Maybe wonder why your BF is trying so hard to get your attention (positive or negative). What's going on with him and your relationship? Something has changed, and it's not just his love of this rap music.

[Reddit User] − NTA this sounds annoying. He sounds really immature. I do have to wonder though since this seems like a newish thing for him why he's trying to get your attention so badly. It sorta sounds like some issue he might have. I feel like you guys might need to sit down and have a talk about this stuff.

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Amberleh − NTA but girl.. GIRL. You watch anime. You are an anime fan. ***You have a literal ARSENAL of annoying content with which to use as obnoxious revenge against him.*** Find some jpop themesongs, the more moe the better, and just BLAST that at him in the morning. Tell him you think he's super SUGOI today. Take off his headphones while he's rapping and just yell 'NANI?! BAKA!!!!!'

You're probably too young for it but look up the English Sailor Moon themesong, learn the lyrics, and SING THE CRAP OUT OF THEM any time he tries to rap at you. Pokémon English theme? Sing it at him.  Make up a new version to the tune.

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Here, I'll help you.. *'You think you are, the very best*. *At rapping any song*. *But boy, let me tell you*. *You really really suck*. *All these lyrics are super cringe*. *Your behavior, it is too*. *Each song you sing, makes my ears bleed*. *Please oh god just stooppppp*.

*YOUR VOICE IS CRAP*. *You suck at rap*. *oh yes it's true*. *Makes me not want to live with you*. *YOUR VOICE IS CRAP'*. So on and so forth. Rap culture has NOTHING on us weebs when it comes to potential obnoxiousness. Use it. Embrace the weeb. Feel the weeb. *Be the weeb.*

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curiouscat_92 − 'Dismiss yourself' got me cackling real bad. I'll be borrowing this phrase and using it more often in life. Also your boyfriend is really immature. And the brother is an i**ot. It's always easy to paint the angry person to be the bad guy. It's not always possible to be all mature and philosophical and talk the s**t out of everything. He woke you up, he had it coming.. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA The first time it’s cute, the second time it’s ok, but he’s gotta understand that it can be annoying. That doesn’t make him awful, and it doesn’t make you awful, it just he’s doing something that’s become annoying and you want him to stop.

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girl_supersonicboy − NTA, he has been told that the rapping is getting on your nerves and he continues to do this. something about this honestly feels fishy to me. Like... is he having dreams of grandeur that involve him becoming a rapper? or could this possibly be his way to annoy you out of the relationship?

Some dudes will not out right say they want out and will do stupid crud to get their partners to leave. these are just my thoughts of course but you really either need to sit down with him and have an adult conversation or really think about this relationship if this continues.

he needs a firm, no rapping nonsense, conversation (again) about how this makes you feel and how this is driving a wedge between your relationship. If he continues to not understand i would just cut your losses.

MorallyApplicable − INFO: Are you actually happy and satisfied in this relationship? It sounds like you're fed up with your BF and have been for a while, and given how dismissive and inconsiderate he is based on your post + comments, I don't blame you.. Either way, NTA whatsoever.

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These Redditors cheered Lily’s stand, with some wondering if Max’s behavior hides bigger issues. Are they amplifying the drama or nailing the truth?

Lily’s story is a raw look at how a partner’s obsession can fray even a solid relationship. Her outburst wasn’t just about rap lyrics—it was a cry for respect after months of ignored boundaries. Max’s sulking and her brother’s judgment add layers to this domestic drama, but it’s clear communication is the missing beat. How do you handle a partner who won’t respect your limits? What would you do in Lily’s shoes to find harmony again? Share your thoughts below.

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