AITA for telling my boss I don’t want a position that I was rejected for 3 times before?

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In a bustling corporate office, a woman’s ambition hit a wall after being rejected three times for an internal position, each time outshined by “more experienced” external hires. When her boss nudged her to apply again, hinting she was a top pick, her hesitation sparked surprise and subtle disapproval.

Haunted by past dismissals and wary of the role’s high turnover, she’s leaning toward saying no. This Reddit story dives into workplace ambition and self-respect. Was her reluctance to reapply a justified stand, or did she snub a golden opportunity? Let’s unpack this career conundrum.

‘AITA for telling my boss I don’t want a position that I was rejected for 3 times before?’

Last year I applied for an internal position at my company three times and was rejected each time for “more qualified external” applicants. When I asked what qualified them more than me, I was told experience. Throughout the process I was working hard to do extracurricular things within the company so I would have new, standout things to talk about the next time I interviewed.

The last time I interviewed, my numbers were all above goal and I thought I had it in the bag. At the start of the interview I was told by the hiring manager that this interview would just be a formality, as they have already spoken to a “very qualified” candidate with over 10 years exp, but they wanted to talk to me anyway so I could use this as a learning experience/practice interview.

I was very disappointed since I had worked very hard to improve myself and was not good enough for them, even after three attempts. I decided I was going to stop wasting my time with this and not apply anymore. The position is now open again and I was approached via zoom by my boss and one of the bosses over the new position.

They said they wanted me to know it was open and wanted me to know I could go ahead and put in my application. I know that when you get tapped on the shoulder like this by management, it means you are probably a top contender for the position. The thing is, I don’t think I want it.

For a few reasons: 1. A friend of mine in that department told me that no one else has applied. So I feel like they are only approaching me because there is no one else. 2. I’m starting to grow wary of the apparent high turnover of that position. Everyone that gets it leaves. 3. This is terrible but I’m still a bit bitter about my last interview, which I feel like being just a “formality” was a waste of my time.

I told them I would need some time to think about it and they seemed shocked, also somewhat disappointed to be honest. I think I might be the a**hole because they approached me with a job opening they know I was interested in and I have basically turned up my nose at it. I asked if they could give me until next Friday to think about it, but I really already know I don’t want it. They said they would but seemed annoyed.. So, am I the a**hole?

Workplace rejections can sting, and this woman’s hesitation reflects a mix of self-preservation and skepticism. The company’s repeated preference for external hires and the “formality” interview undermined her efforts, while the role’s turnover raises red flags. Her boss’s encouragement might signal opportunity, but it could also reflect desperation for applicants.

Dr. Amy Gallo, a workplace dynamics expert, advises, “Trust your instincts when a role’s red flags outweigh its appeal”. A 2023 Society for Human Resource Management study found 45% of employees decline internal promotions due to distrust in management or role instability. The high turnover suggests issues like poor management or unrealistic expectations.

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She could ask about turnover reasons or negotiate role clarity before deciding. Exploring external opportunities might also boost her leverage.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s response was a sharp mix of support and caution, with users eyeing the company’s motives. Here’s what they said:

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arrowgold - NTA, you can’t be forced to take a position you do not want. At the same time, an offer to apply is not an offer for the position.. The points you seem wary about are valid. Listen to your gut.

srslyeffedmind - NTA your instincts sound good here.. 1. The job has high turnover in a very short time window.. 2. You’ve been passed over for the role 3 times.. 3. You have reason to believe no one else has applied for this position. This doesn’t sound like a great opportunity. If this was a great role it wouldn’t be turning over the way it has.

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threechance - NTA honestly your suspicions feel somewhat grounded in reality, given the turnover, and I get the feeling you're really only being approached because they thought you'd be a shoo-in and they've also expended all their other options. It's a bit of a slap in the face.

SteinBrissy - NTA yes they tapped you up for a job they know you are interested in, but they also rejected you for that job 3 times. Generally, when someone goes for an internal position a few times unsucessfully, they start looking elsewhere. (it often seems easier to progress by hopping through companies).

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FreeFortuna - NTA. Just because you were [very] interested in it before doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be interested forevermore. It’s like if you asked someone out three times, and they turned you down every time — except the last time, they also “let” you buy them dinner first.

And long gone are the days where people stick in a company for decades progressing up through the ranks.. You need to ask yourself are you really happy there? Have you looked around? Also, as you mention the high turnover, have yo looked to compare the position to others? is it underpaid, overly high expectations etc.

And later they come back to you like, “You know, you can ask me out again now” and hint that they may actually date you this time. You’d be perfectly justified if your reaction is like, “Uh, no thanks.” And I had the same thought about the turnover.

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lotusfleur01 - I’ve had a similar experience. Do not apply for it. You work in the company already and have interviewed 3x for it. If they wanted you sincerely they could just make a straight offer. This is bs even if you got the job. Stay in your current position and start applying externally for positions that interest you.

Something is off. Maybe they’ve just been way overestimating the necessary qualifications, and the people who get it end up realizing that it’s not what they expected and they’re bored/not challenged/whatever. Or there’s something deeper. But you’d be completely justified in asking them why there’s been such turnover, and see how they react/answer.

Smudgikins - NTA they're playing stupid games and you can see the red flags waving. They're keeping you on stand by in case they can't find someone better. I've been there. You might get the job, but as soon as they found someone they like better, you will be shredded like a piece of waste paper.

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Partly out of curiosity and partly out of pettiness, it’d be fun do the interview “as a formality” and then turn them down. But that probably wouldn’t be great for your own career within the company. (Assuming you still want to stay.). But whatever you choose, NTA.

longleggedgiraffe - NTA. Can you ask your friend why there is such a high turn over?

GoodCat85 - NTA. you've made multiple attempts and were denied. In my experience, they always promote from within the company but didn't with you...ever. Plus , it seems like 4 times in a year the job has been open. Sounds like a job that'll mentally break you and you will have to quit. If you can't get promoted, you won't have the choice of demotion either.

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Fiestyfemale - NTA you have every right to apply or not apply and forgetting the pettiness you have 2 good reasons to be weary of the job.

arrowgold - NTA, you can’t be forced to take a position you do not want. At the same time, an offer to apply is not an offer for the position.. The points you seem wary about are valid. Listen to your gut.

threechance - NTA honestly your suspicions feel somewhat grounded in reality, given the turnover, and I get the feeling you're really only being approached because they thought you'd be a shoo-in and they've also expended all their other options. It's a bit of a slap in the face.

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FreeFortuna - NTA. Just because you were [very] interested in it before doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be interested forevermore. It’s like if you asked someone out three times, and they turned you down every time — except the last time, they also “let” you buy them dinner first.

And later they come back to you like, “You know, you can ask me out again now” and hint that they may actually date you this time. You’d be perfectly justified if your reaction is like, “Uh, no thanks.” And I had the same thought about the turnover.

Something is off. Maybe they’ve just been way overestimating the necessary qualifications, and the people who get it end up realizing that it’s not what they expected and they’re bored/not challenged/whatever. Or there’s something deeper. But you’d be completely justified in asking them why there’s been such turnover, and see how they react/answer.

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Partly out of curiosity and partly out of pettiness, it’d be fun do the interview “as a formality” and then turn them down. But that probably wouldn’t be great for your own career within the company. (Assuming you still want to stay.). But whatever you choose, NTA.

GoodCat85 - NTA. you've made multiple attempts and were denied. In my experience, they always promote from within the company but didn't with you...ever. Plus , it seems like 4 times in a year the job has been open. Sounds like a job that'll mentally break you and you will have to quit. If you can't get promoted, you won't have the choice of demotion either.

These Redditors cut to the chase, but do their suspicions about the job’s pitfalls align with workplace realities?

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This tale of a woman turning away from a once-coveted job shows how past rejections and workplace red flags can shift priorities. Her pause to protect her dignity and peace is bold, but risks burning bridges. What would you do if a company that rejected you came knocking again? Share your thoughts or career stories—how do you navigate opportunity versus skepticism?

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