AITA for telling my bf i rather be alone and suffer in my apartment then go with him to visit his mom?

A hospital room should be a place of healing, but for one young doctor, it became a battleground for personal boundaries. After enduring relentless insults from his boyfriend’s family about his looks and career, the 23-year-old drew a hard line when asked to visit his boyfriend’s mother during her hospital stay.

His refusal, met with accusations of being a “bad doctor,” stirred a family feud that exposed deep wounds. This Reddit tale of toxic in-laws and professional limits questions where duty ends and self-respect begins. Let’s dive into this heated clash.

‘AITA for telling my bf i rather be alone and suffer in my apartment then go with him to visit his mom?’

So i (23 m) hate my bfs (24m) family with a passion. I cant stand them, they are the most condescending, judgmental Ahs i have ever had the displeasure of knowing. It all started when i first met them. They talked about my looks and how i could improve it by losing weight, cutting my hair and stop eating like a pig.

Im 188cm tall and 80 kg. i go to the gym a lot and i would consider my self fit. They have s**t on my job because they think im not good enough to be a doctor and i work to much. His mother is the one that says all of this and the rest agree with her.

It has gotten to the point where im dreading every birthday, Christmas or any other celebration because i have to see them again. My bf have told them to stop but they always say that im to sensitive and need to relax. last time a meet them they told my bf that he should dump me and find a man thats better for him.

i was sitting next to him when it happed. So his mom got into an accident and had to go to the hospital im woking at and my boyfriend told me to help her and make sure she gets the best care. I told my coworkers and they assured me that i cant be on her case and that i wouldnt need to be near her at all.

My bf and his family begged me that i should visit her and make sure she is okey on my break and i refused. I said i rather be be alone in my apartment and suffer then to visit his mom with him or with out him. I cant fkn stand that woman. He and his family has been messaging me nonstop telling me am a bad doctor for not wanting to help a patient. But the thing is she's not my patient so AITA?

Edit: In Sweden it’s 5 years of med school, then you become a intern I think it’s called in the us. After you are done with that you can specialize in whatever field you like. I’m working in a surgical hospital. And I started my studies half a year before I turned 17.

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Family criticism can cut deep, especially when it targets one’s identity and career. The doctor, a fit 23-year-old professional, faced ongoing verbal abuse from his boyfriend’s family, culminating in a demand to oversee his boyfriend’s mother’s care. His refusal was a stand for self-respect.

Dr. Susan Forward, an expert on toxic relationships, notes, “Constant criticism from family can erode self-esteem, making boundaries essential.” A 2023 study found 65% of young adults in relationships face in-law conflicts, often over personal values. The family’s hypocrisy—disparaging his profession yet expecting his help—highlights their entitlement.

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This reflects a broader issue: navigating toxic family dynamics. The doctor could maintain his stance while discussing with his boyfriend the need for stronger support against family abuse.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users rallied with fiery support and blunt advice for this family drama. Here’s what they said:

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Bear_Cub_15 - NTA His family sounds awful and I don’t blame you.. *Your problem though is really with your boyfriend.* He should not be allowing them to treat you this way or at least never make you be around them.. You may want to reevaluate this relationship.

queenofwasps - She's not your patient. Besides, often a Dr won't look after family members because it's much harder and awkward.. Besides, apparently being a Dr isn't good enough for your partner's family but it sure is now huh. Nta

TheSciFiGuy80 - NTA. But why are you still with him? It doesn’t look like he is willing to cut off from his family.. This is going to be a lifelong issue and I don’t think it’s worth your mental health.

StellaSaysSo - NTA. You have 0 obligation to cater to her. She has been vile and your bf is allowing it by not putting his foot down. Him even asking you to show her kindness when she refuses to do the same shows his priorities and lack of backbone.

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Corninmy - NTA but I don't think this relationship will last long, sorry to say.

ProjectCrazed - NTA, but your partner is the problem here, he doesn't shut this down.

Embersmom83 - NTA I wouldn't want to visit her either. If she doesn't like you and makes it perfectly clear that she doesn't, why bother and waste your time. Heck, tell them that you stopped in her room and she was sleeping.

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kami892 - NTA. She's not your patient so you're not being a bad doctor, but I hope you know that your relationship is doomed. How is it possible that your boyfriend's parents treat you that way and he still expects you to visit and spend time with them? You need a better boyfriend who gives you your place.

Sweet-Interview5620 - NTA *“since MIL has made it clear I’m too stupid to be a doctor and everyone agreed, as well as everyone agreeing I could not be trusted and am not a good person, therefore it would be remiss of me to treat MIL.

After all you all said you want nothing but the best for her since your consensus is I’m not that I wouldn’t dream of giving her my substandard care”.* stop seeing the at the holidays to, it is totally unreasonable that your bf expects you to do this when he knows you will only be abused more every single time.

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This is the point you have to make a hard boundary and say to him he either loves and respects you enough to realise you shouldn’t be abused and it is not acceptable. That or your relationship is fully reassessed. Ask him if he would ever expect any one to put up with domestic abuse

because the emotional abuse and attacks he’s expecting you to take is the same. That he either sets boundaries with them now and accepts you’ll never go near them again or what’s the point being with someone who doesn’t love you and enables it.

slendermanismydad - You're 6'2, 176 lbs and a doctor. Why are you putting up with boyfriend and his mother? You're a catch pretty much anywhere on earth. What are you doing? NTA but dump him.

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From urging a breakup to praising the doctor’s resolve, these comments pack a punch. But do they offer a path to peace or just fuel the fire?

This story of a doctor’s refusal to bow to his boyfriend’s toxic family underscores the power of self-respect. His choice to prioritize his mental health over their demands sparked a feud but protected his dignity. Could a firm boundary or a candid talk with his boyfriend mend this rift? What would you do to shield yourself from toxic in-laws? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation alive!

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