AITA for telling my best friend I will NEVER give birth to his child?
Friendships are meant to be built on trust and mutual respect—but what happens when long-held bonds are tested by deeply personal requests? In this story, a 35-year-old man recounts how his best friend, Jared, has repeatedly insisted that she bear his child, even as a teenager. Their 15-year friendship has weathered many storms, from secrets shared in school to life’s unpredictable twists. Yet now, when Jared’s boyfriend proposed and the topic resurfaced at a dinner, her firm “never” sparked a heated fallout.
Her decision wasn’t made lightly. Despite the years of shared memories and unwavering support, she stands resolute in protecting her own body and well-being. The recurring pressure to serve as a surrogate for someone she loves seems invasive and dehumanizing. Now, with emotions running high and the possibility of losing a cherished friendship looming, she is forced to confront a difficult choice. Is standing her ground justified—or is she being too harsh?
‘AITA for telling my best friend I will NEVER give birth to his child?’
Letting a friend repeatedly pressure you into a life-changing decision can be emotionally draining. Dr. Laura Brown, a clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal relationships, once said,“Your body is your own, and no one should ever coerce you into making decisions that fundamentally change your life without your wholehearted consent.”Her words resonate deeply in this scenario, where the repeated insistence on pregnancy becomes a matter of personal autonomy versus friendship.
Breaking down the situation, the OP faces an enduring pressure that stretches back to their youth. Although Jared first brought up the idea when they were teenagers, the conversation evolved over the years into something invasive. Despite attempts at calm dialogue and assurances that surrogacy is a personal choice, Jared’s insistence has not waned. This persistent pressure not only undermines her autonomy but also ignores the mental and physical toll that pregnancy can impose—factors that Dr. Brown emphasizes are critical in making such a decision.
Moreover, experts in relationship dynamics note that friendship should be a space where both parties feel safe expressing their needs without fear of retribution. The fact that Jared resorts to anger and withdrawal when she firmly states her boundaries indicates a power imbalance that is unhealthy. As Dr. Brown explains further,
“Mutual respect in any relationship requires that both parties acknowledge and honor each other’s boundaries.”This quote highlights that repeatedly pressing for something so personal can erode the very foundation of trust in a relationship. Additionally, the broader issue here touches on a recurring challenge in modern friendships: balancing deep personal bonds with individual autonomy.
Research in interpersonal communication suggests that when one party consistently disregards the expressed wishes of the other, it can lead to long-term resentment and emotional harm. In this case, the OP’s decision to categorically refuse to be used as a surrogate is not only a declaration of her bodily autonomy but also a call for her friend to re-evaluate his approach to their relationship. Clearly, any true friendship should allow both individuals to make decisions without undue pressure.
See what others had to share with OP:
Many commenters agree that her stance is completely valid. One remark highlights that it’s absurd for anyone to assume another’s body is a commodity to be used at someone’s whim. Another comment calls out the inherent misogyny in pressuring a woman—regardless of the friend’s sexual orientation. Yet another points out that if Jared truly cared, he’d respect her “no” without resorting to anger
Ultimately, personal boundaries and bodily autonomy should never be compromised—even by those we consider our closest friends. The OP’s firm decision to refuse Jared’s repeated requests is a testament to self-respect and maturity. While it’s painful to risk losing a friendship, true connection is built on mutual respect for personal choices.
Have you ever faced a situation where a friend’s persistent demands challenged your autonomy? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
