AITA for telling everyone it’s not Andy’s birthday?

A woman’s patience snaps like a brittle twig when her husband’s friend Andy, a serial mooch, spins a birthday sob story to milk more cash and drinks from their circle. Armed with Facebook proof that Andy’s big day is a month away, she storms into a bar to expose his lie, silencing the crowd and igniting a firestorm with her husband, who defends his freeloading pal.

This isn’t just a public takedown—it’s a marital breaking point. Her ultimatum against Andy’s scams goes ignored, pushing her to pack her bags. Reddit roars in her corner, hailing her as a scam-buster. Like a spotlight on a liar’s stage, the story probes loyalty, deception, and the cost of enabling a grifter.

‘AITA for telling everyone it’s not Andy’s birthday?’

My husband has a friend Andy who can’t hold down a job and there’s always something wrong where he can’t afford his rent. Andy is always asking for money or a loan he doesn’t pay back. My husband gives in and gives it to him. I’m talking thousands of dollars over the last few years my husband has “loaned” him.

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A few months ago I told my husband next time he gives Andy money I’m gone. My husband was doing good until Andy shows up at our door last night and tells my husband everyone forget his birthday. So they go out to drinks.

I do some snooping on Facebook and Andy’s birthday isn’t until next month and I screenshot a picture of my husband last year with him on Andy’s real birthday in-front of a Christmas tree. I go to the bar and show everyone that it’s not Andy’s birthday and the room is dead silent.

Andy said he put the wrong birthday on his Facebook account so I show him the picture of him last year with the date posted of his real birthday. Andy said that was a mistake and everyone thinks December date is right because it’s on his Facebook. I asked Andy to show everyone his drivers license and he said he forgot it.

I asked the bartender if Andy could legally drink without proof of age and the bartender said no. Andy left refused to show his license and left. My husband said I was being a b*tch for no reason but I reminded him that it’s the first day of the month and Andy always comes around looking for extra money.

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We had an argument about Andy and once again. My husband stayed with a friend and I’m packing up my things because he acts like I’m the AH for coming to the bar and saying publicly what I did.. Edited for context and paragraphs.

The woman’s public confrontation of Andy’s birthday lie was a dramatic but justified response to his repeated financial exploitation, enabled by her husband’s refusal to set boundaries. Her evidence—Facebook posts and a photo—exposed Andy’s deceit, protecting their finances and others’ goodwill, though it strained her marriage.

A 2021 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 59% of marital conflicts involve external friendships when financial boundaries are blurred (Sage Journals, 2021). Dr. Shirley Glass, a relationship psychologist, notes, “Loyalty to a spouse requires prioritizing shared resources over exploitative friends” (ShirleyGlass.com). The husband’s defense of Andy, despite thousands in un repaid loans, signals a betrayal of trust, amplifying her frustration.

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Her bar scene, while effective, risked escalating emotions publicly; a private confrontation might have preserved some civility. Andy’s refusal to show ID and swift exit suggest guilt, not error. The husband’s choice to side with Andy over her ultimatum reveals deeper loyalty issues.

She should follow through with leaving if her husband won’t address Andy’s influence, seeking couples counseling to clarify boundaries or legal advice for financial protection (BetterHelp.com). A calm discussion with mutual friends could curb Andy’s scams.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s serving up a storm of sassy takes on this barroom bust, with cheers for the wife and shade for the mooch—grab a drink for these zingers!

Emergency_Web_8722. - is your husband building an art room?

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RateMySass - NTA. file for divorce and let you husband and Andy live happily ever after. You deserve better.

collegegrad2022 - NTA. Assuming this story is true, Andy is a leech. Your husband has on Rose colored glasses. Someone getting in trouble- either through an actual consequence or just sheer embarrassment- because of something they ACTIVELY choose to do, is not your fault.

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That’s like saying I stole something from BestBuy, my friend reported me and I got arrested and then blamed my friend for “ruining my life”. My friend didn’t ruin my life, I did. Andy is embarrassed for being called out on because he got away with so much for so long.

Your husband is embarrassed because that’s his friend. OP, stand your ground. Money troubles await if your husband doesn’t see the significance of giving out money to people without a second thought who clearly won’t pay a cent back.

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Doza13 - NTA. Your husband is. You set boundaries on your shared resources and he violated that. You are completely within your rights to leave knowing that is exactly what you said you'd do. This Andy sounds like a grifter and your husband is a sucker.

SpookyTrashPanda542 - Sounds like your husband should marry Andy (I mean, he's already supporting him and picked him over you). Cut your losses and run OP

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MamaH1620 - How good are any of these friends if none of them actually know Andy’s birthday? I know some of my *neighbor’s* birthdays. NTA.

[Reddit User] - NTA.. I don't gaf if I had caused a scene myself. This dude is actively swindling your husband and draining your finances (I don't care if they're his personal finances or not. You're married. If one person is struggling financially or making dumb money decisions, then all the finances suffer together, not just his.

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And if they're shared?? F**K no).. Then he's actively lying to everyone about his birthday to mooch free drinks and money. My question is why the f**k are they mad at you when you exposed to everyone they're getting scammed by someone they obviously care about? Who gives a f**k if it caused a scene at that point?

Who cares if that man gets embarrassed? That should be the LEAST he gets from stealing THOUSANDS of dollars from a 'friend'. Also your boundaries got violated again and again. Your concerns ignored. At that point yeah its a scorched earth campaign. You tried to be calm and behind the doors about it at first.

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I'm absolutely baffled at the people saying she should have been nicer and what did she have to gain. What didn't she have to gain from this? She exposed a scam artist, advocated for her concerns and warnings with proof, and found out her husband will choose his mooch friend over her.

Incredibly gainful experience imo. Nah. You didn't go overboard. You crashed a farce event and probably just saved everyone money and trouble. He wants to choose his leech of a friend over you by all means. Leave his ass.

Repulsive_Clothes_71 - You have a husband problem, not an Andy problem. If your husband loves Andy so much he can let him drain him financially, I'd be done too

Gloomy_Dot_8412 - I probably wouldn't do what you did, but I'll say NTA because your husband has spent thousands of dollars and is risking his marriage over Andy who seems like a freaking leech. At this point it wouldn't surprise me if he asks you to adopt him or something.

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Cold_Light_299792458 - NTA. You are a rock star girl! Andy sounds like a leech, your hubby like a pushover and you made good on your promise/threat to remove yourself from the mess. Good for you!

These are Reddit’s spiciest opinions, but do they pour the full truth on loyalty and lies?

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This saga of a fake birthday and a real marital rift is a bold tale of standing up to a grifter at the cost of love. Reddit hails the wife’s mic-drop moment, slamming her husband’s blind loyalty to a leech. It’s a sharp reminder that trust crumbles when boundaries blur. How would you tackle a partner who funds a freeloader over you? Spill your thoughts below—let’s toast to this drama!

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