AITA for telling a parent “that’s not my job”?

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A middle school classroom buzzes with kids learning a new language—counting, greetings, the basics. But one student, fluent thanks to his mom, races ahead, finishes early, and stirs chaos. His mother demands more for him, but the teacher, stretched thin, says advanced teaching isn’t their job.

With no higher-level class and a strict principal looming, the teacher’s blunt words spark tension. Colleagues call it harsh, suggesting a little extra effort could help. In a school where every student counts, this tale of teaching limits and parental expectations unfolds. Can the teacher balance one kid’s needs with the whole class, or will this clash redefine their role?

‘AITA for telling a parent “that’s not my job”?’

I'm a middle school teacher, teaching beginners a foreign language. My students are just starting out, learning to count, the alphabet, introductions etc. I have a student this year whose mother had already taught him this language. This poses a problem specifically because it completely ruins the classroom setup.

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This student finishes his work very quickly and then starts getting bored and distracting others. I tell him to work more slowly and conscientiously, but it doesn't really work, so he ends up either doodling or doing homework from other classes during this time.

I recently had a meeting with his mother, who was unhappy with the way I'm teaching her son. I told her that unfortunately it isn't my job to teach high level students and there was nothing I could do for him besides request he sit out (there is no higher level language class as it's just an option in their last year here).

The mother was disappointed and said she specifically chose this school because we offer this language and said she would talk to the principal about it. My principal is incredibly strict and has no comprehension of teachers having free time, so I suspect he will try to enforce me teaching this student extra things during class, which frankly I don't have time for.

My job is to teach everyone, not just one person. But when I was venting to the other teachers, they said my attitude towards the mother was assholish and that it 'wouldn't be that hard' to set up something else for this kid. I respectfully disagreed, but now I'm wondering - AITA?

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This teacher’s clash with a parent over an advanced student highlights the challenge of differentiated instruction. The student’s fluency disrupts the beginner’s class, and the teacher’s response—slow down or sit out—falls short. Telling the mother it’s “not my job” to teach advanced material, while honest, dismisses the student’s needs. Reddit’s split verdict reflects this: some empathize with the teacher’s workload, others see neglecting a gifted student as a failure.

Classrooms often vary in ability. A 2023 National Education Association report notes 60% of teachers struggle to engage advanced students without extra resources. The absence of a higher-level class limits options, but the teacher’s refusal to adapt risks alienating the student, whose boredom fuels disruption.

Dr. Carol Ann Tomlinson, a differentiation expert, says, “Every student deserves growth, not just the average.” Simple solutions, like assigning a book with questions or peer-tutoring roles, could engage the student without overhauling lessons. The teacher should’ve consulted the principal early, as the mother now has, to explore options like independent study or skipping a level, if feasible.

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The teacher should apologize for their phrasing, propose small accommodations, and request school support. If the principal demands more, they must advocate for time or resources. This saga shows teaching requires flexibility, even under pressure.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit served up a mixed bag of takes on this classroom conundrum. Here’s what they said:

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ITypeWithMyDick - NTA. People shouting Y-T-A are those who don't seem to understand how much work it already takes for that single class. Often teachers stay up after school many nights gettings notes/lessons/grading done for the next day, without the extra pay.

This is like adding an entire second job on her and saying 'Just work harder'. She will be left with no free time and could end up affecting the main course for the students who need it.. This is a situation where the principle needs to step up.. Edit: Inciteful Comment Award.

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CauldronFire - NTA. If you are teaching Spanish 101, and an almost fluent speaker signs up then I think it’s unreasonable to have to teach the kids who don’t know the language, and then on your off time teach a kid outside of your curriculum, just because he is advanced.

In the case of a gifted child you would put them in an advanced class. If there is no advanced class then I guess this is an easy A. Honestly with how underpaid teachers are, and how much work they put into their job, I would be pissed about this situation too. If he finishes all his work you could let him go to study hall or something.

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doggo-spotter - INFO: How much extra work would it be to give this kid some extra workbooks/activities?. I am not a teacher, so am genuinely curious as i have no prior experience.

Kay_Elle - Yeah, YTA. I say this as someone who is currently studying to be a language teacher, and someone who grew up bilingual.. ANY class might have a fast or gifted child. Telling them to work more slowly is b**lshit.. Your job includes teaching those who are weaker but also stronger, not just the 'middle'.

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How hard could it be to give them extra exercises.-? Hell, it could be as easy as to give them a book in that language and prepare a few questions about it. That would take - what, 10 minutes, if you it's a book you know.. You don't sound like a very competent teacher.

s_hinoku - YTA but only gently. I'm aware I'll be downvoted for this. Look, I'm an ESL teacher myself and at uni we were told to always be prepared for a student of a higher level. Whether that be through having extra work to do,

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or manipulating the tasks to make them harder. It's a necessary step to teaching a secondary language. You could subtly give this kid extra advanced work or set it as homework, or talk to them, but ultimately, yes, I think it is and should be part of your job here.

wi11forgetusername - YTA. I'm teacher myself, so I'm not pulling anything from my b**t, and also involved in the union, so I have little patience for abusive employers and parents. The thing is your duty is to teach every and all students in a class. As no class is homogeneous, you must be flexible to accommodate everyone at all times.

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If the situation was reversed, meaning, you had a student with a lot of difficulties in keeping your pace, you'd be justly shunned and reprimanded for not accommodating them, so why do you think it's any different in this situation? You don't need to work a completely different teaching plan for him, just adapt the difficulty.

Also, an advanced student is actually a bless to a class if you learn how to work with him instead of undermining him. He can be a powerful factor to engage the students. When I was first learning ESL in school during my childhood, I had a fluent classmate that had lived in the US during his first years.

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Although he could speak perfectly he had all the difficulties with written english and formal language a child would have, so the teacher focused in this areas when working with him with more advanced questions. Also, the teacher used him as an 'junior aid' of sorts, asking him to tell us about slang and informal language,

rotating him in different groups training conversation and pronunciation, lending him books for him to tell us about etc. In the end, the class as a whole could learn better and in a faster way thanks to him and the teacher. Did the teacher gone 'above and beyond'?

No, she was 'just' a really capable educator that could explore an opportunity to improve her lessons for all her students. For myself, a physics and math teacher, I have archived along the years a lot of exercises, books, articles, exams' problems that I can easily use or adapt whenever I think a class or a student is learning fast enough.

ThinRelationship7 - I won't leave a judgement but I will say as someone who was 'gifted' and regularly finished the work in my History and English classes in half the time as everyone else, my teachers were like you and I ended up losing my passion for those subjects for a long time because they made me feel like I was a burden for not learning at the 'expected' pace.

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idrow1 - If your job is to teach an entry level language, then that's what you teach. Why did the mother enroll this student in an entry class to begin with when they already spoke the language?. What you can set this kid up with is the web site for Rosetta Stone.. NTA

ancalime9 - YTA I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and will agree that you are currently at your capacity. So you have no time to, in affect, create a second class for the single student. However, your response was to tell the child to work slower? That was completely the wrong way of handling this.

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The moment you became aware how far beyond the other students this student was, you should have called for a meeting with the parents and the principal. I know you are worried you'd be pressured into more work but that is the risk you needed to take for the student. I hope there aren't other problems going on in your classroom that you're just ignoring and hope they go away.

varzatv - YTA. Let's put aside the fact that this is a language course for a moment. There can be gifted kids in any class - maths, science, etc. whatever. Should they be told to work slower? The answer becomes evidently clear when you treat language education in the same light... of course not. Others have suggested a myriad of simple work that would take very little time.

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Let's not also forget the fact that you're teaching a language - it doesn't exactly change rapidly over time. If you invest even a little time developing some 'extra-curricular' coursework then you will have this up your sleeve for the rest of your teaching days and will always be in a position to challenge more capable students, in turn making you a more valuable teacher.

I'm not sure if this is a possibility in this situation - but a very simple solution I've seen growing up in these situations is that for a particular class only if a kid is shooting the lights out, they can get bumped into the year above them for that specific class only. I did this for a few years in mathematics when I was very young.

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Maybe its not an option in your school, course or whatever if higher grades or courses do not exist at all... but if there's any possibility of this then I would expect you to liaise with your department, principal, etc. to explore that option - only the teacher can spearhead that.

These varied opinions highlight the teacher’s bind, but do they miss practical solutions?

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This teacher’s blunt stand reveals the strain of meeting every student’s needs. While their workload concerns are real, dismissing a gifted child’s potential isn’t the answer. Small tweaks and school support could bridge the gap. What would you do with a student who outpaces the class? Drop your thoughts below!

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