AITA for telling a friends date that he has herpes, causing her to leave and block him?

In a cozy bar bathed in the warm glow of string lights, two couples laughed over cocktails, the air buzzing with the promise of new connections. But beneath the clinking glasses, a secret loomed, ready to unravel the night. One friend, caught in a moment of tipsy candor, spilled a truth that turned a promising date into a dramatic exit. The revelation? A hidden health condition that sparked a fiery debate about honesty, trust, and the boundaries of friendship.

The story of Mick, his date, and an unintended confession unfolds like a modern-day moral dilemma. When does loyalty to a friend clash with the right thing to do? Readers might feel the sting of Mick’s frustration or the date’s shock, wondering where the line is drawn in matters of personal disclosure. This tale stirs up questions that linger long after the bar tab is settled.

‘AITA for telling a friends date that he has herpes, causing her to leave and block him?’

One of my friends has been on a dry spell recently, let’s call him Mick. Mick has contracted both genital and oral herpes from an unfortunate drunk hook up years ago. He was upset afterwards that the girl didn’t warn him beforehand - which I believe is relevant for the story.

He’s been wanting to get back into dating and told me that women tend to unmatch him immediately when he mentions his STDs. It’s understandably frustrating, but I felt it’s good on him for being upfront about it. That changed with his last tinder encounter. Mick told me she’s a great girl - pretty, funny, witty.

He was *really* excited about going on a date with her and I assumed he had told her about his herpes situation (as he with other girls before). We arranged a double date, Mick and Tinder Girl, as well as my partner and I. Things went well in the beginning, we were having a great time and I could definitely feel the chemistry between the two.

However, here’s where I might have been an a**hole: Mick and my partner went outside for a cigarette, so Tinder Girl and I were the only ones at our table. We ended up talking about Mick, and I mentioned how excited he had been about the date, especially since he hadn’t exactly been lucky on tinder so far.

She couldn’t see why, since he was great guy and she enjoyed the date so far. Mind you, we’ve had a few drinks at this point and I told her that he’s had a lot of girls unmatch him due to his ‘situation’. She was confused and asked me what I meant, so I told her that I meant his herpes.

She got upset and told me that he hadn’t told her, despite her specifically asking about STDs. Apparently, Mick claimed to be entirely clean.. She thanked me and stormed out, sending Mick an angry message and later blocking him.

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Mick said I ruined his chances of scoring that night and is *really* upset with me. He said it was not my place to say anything and I should’ve given him the chance to tell her - but honestly I don’t think he would’ve (given that he specifically lied about it on tinder when she asked).

I feel bad, at the same time I think she deserved to know beforehand. I genuinely wish for Mick to have successful dates, but not through being deceitful. It wasn’t on purpose, I assumed he had told her prior to this - but maybe I do suck for even bringing it up?. So, reddit: AITA?

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Mick’s story is a classic case of trust gone awry in the high-stakes world of dating. When health conditions like herpes enter the equation, honesty isn’t just polite—it’s critical. Mick’s decision to lie about his STD status, despite his date’s direct question, sets a risky precedent. As Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, notes in Psychology Today, “Transparency in relationships builds trust, especially when health is at stake.” Mick’s omission could’ve had serious consequences, both emotionally and physically.

The conflict here pits Mick’s desire for a connection against his date’s right to informed consent. His frustration is understandable—dating with herpes is tough, with CDC data showing 1 in 6 adults in the U.S. have genital herpes, often facing stigma. Yet, lying erodes trust, and his anger at his friend feels more like deflected guilt. The friend’s slip, while clumsy, stemmed from an assumption Mick had been upfront, highlighting the messiness of good intentions.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating health disclosures in relationships. Honesty, though tough, prevents harm and respects autonomy. Experts suggest having these conversations early, ideally before physical intimacy, to foster trust. Mick could benefit from practicing open communication, perhaps seeking support from resources like Planned Parenthood for guidance on discussing STDs sensitively. For readers, it’s a reminder: truth, however awkward, paves the way for genuine connections.

The takeaway? Mick’s friend did the right thing, albeit messily. Open dialogue about health isn’t just courteous—it’s a cornerstone of ethical dating. Readers can explore these conversations in their own lives, using expert advice to navigate tough topics with care and confidence.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for Mick’s predicament. From cheers for the friend’s honesty to side-eyes at Mick’s deception, the comments were a lively roast of the situation. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Gremlin95x − NTA - In her shoes, I would want to know as well.

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Inconsistentworld − NTA and to be honest I would reassess being friends with this dude. He was happy to risk infecting this girl with something he himself is horrified by. Good for you for telling her! Edit : Why do I judge so harshly? I personally am not one to judge to quickly...however his reaction tells me enough.

He had already lied to the girl when she had specifically asked him about STDs...so what was he going to do...tell her later and try and justify the lie...which he could as he was scared of putting her off. But then to get angry at the friend saying that she stopped him from hooking up...

tells me he was fed up of his dry spell and thought 'F**k it, maybe she won't get it' maybe by that point his blue balls were in the driving seat of his brain. But his lying and his reaction tells me that he had every intention of trying to get with her..would he have told her...maybe...but by that point he had already lied so probably wouldn't have panned out.

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[Reddit User] − I’m curious when the last time OP had a full blood test for herpes was. I think if everyone in this thread got tested many would have a rude awakening.

scout1982 − NTA. No, it wasn't your place to tell her - it was his. And since he made it pretty clear that he had no intention of telling this woman he has a highly transmittable STD, you were absolutely right to tell her. Just because he is unlucky in love doesn't mean he gets to expose a partner to a lifelong disease.

LifeExplorer64 − NTA she asked specifically about STDs and Mick told her he was clean so his intent was to hook up without telling her which makes him a huge AH. She deserved to know and it is unfortunate that Mick didnt tell her as he should have, good thing you did.

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ShillinTheVillain − ESH. You brought it up without knowing if he'd had the conversation with her. Are you going to follow him around forever making sure every girl knows he's unclean? Just tattoo it on his forehead ,

and save yourself the time. This is a tough situation and he needs to be upfront about it, but it's not your place to b**t in on a first date unless you specifically know that he has lied, which you didn't know in this case.

[Reddit User] − Nearly 80% of the population has Herpes. Most cases are just unknown because asymptomatic.. You're all welcome. Edit: Someone pointed out that the WHO estimates that it's 67%, not 'nearly 80%' as I said. My bad. Anyway, being precise was not the purpose of my comment.

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talesofdouchebaggery − So all y’all think it’s normal to discuss peoples private medical history to strangers???

shellye71 − NTA. Liars tend to get caught. And you spared her possible complications for life.

GerdaJensen − Mick is definitely TA. He lied about not having a STD when the girl asked him. The girl would have found out eventually and she would be even more mad at Mick. Also Mick told you, he tells all the girls on tinder he has herpes so why would he not have told this one? So Mick is TA and you’re NTA.

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These Redditors brought the heat, with some praising the friend’s accidental heroics and others calling Mick out for his risky lie. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fueling the drama?

Mick’s story is a tangled web of good intentions, bad choices, and a barstool confession that changed everything. It reminds us that honesty, though tough, is the bedrock of trust—especially when health is on the line. The friend’s slip-up sparked a fallout, but it also protected someone from a potentially life-altering risk. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

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