AITA for telling a bunch of SAHM that they’re jealous?

A 31-year-old stay-at-home mom, devoted to her non-verbal autistic 5-year-old, steps into a sunny park for a playdate, eager to click with a local moms group. As kids scamper, she opens up about her routine napping while her husband tackles chores, a teamwork twist that keeps their home humming.

Tensions bubble when the other moms, swamped with all the housework, dub her lazy. She claps back, calling them jealous of her shared load, and a fiery spat erupts over husbands and kid duties.

‘AITA for telling a bunch of SAHM that they’re jealous?’

I'm a stay-at-home mom to a non-verbal autistic 5 years old. Although he's autistic, he's capable for doing stuff like cleaning, dressing himself, going to the potty alone, etc... Anyways I'm 31 and it's hard making friends with kids these days. I decided to join the local moms group and befriended a bunch of stay-at-home moms.

We decided to meet up and have a play date with our kids. So while our kids played, we talked about our day-to-day duties. Most of these moms do 100% of the house chores and take care of their kids on top of that. I told them that I make my husband do some chores around the house even though I'm a stay-at-home mom.

I told them usually on the weekdays I take a nap when he gets home from work. So house duties are his until I wake up at 5 to make dinner. I even told them sometimes I wont wake up till 7 and my husband ends up making dinner. Usually if he cooks dinner, I wash the dishes. If he vacuum, I mop. He also has bathroom, cat litter, and trash duties.

They called me lazy then I proceeded by calling them jealous. I told them I clean my house daily when no ones home. My son goes to school till noon so I have enough time to clean and do laundry in the morning. Also I like to clean after everyone goes to bed at night.

They said I shouldn't make my husband do chores since I'm a stay-at-home mom. Also I shouldn't give my autisic 5 years old chores. I told them they should stop being jealous and stop baby-ing their husband's. AITA for the way I reacted?

Dr. Ellen Walker, a family psychologist, notes that household chore division varies widely and thrives when couples agree. She praises the OP’s setup—sharing tasks like vacuuming, mopping, and trash with her husband—saying it models teamwork, especially vital with a special-needs child. Walker cautions against judging others, as every home’s rhythm differs.

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Parenting expert Dr. Lisa Chen weighs in, supporting chores for a 5-year-old, even one with autism. She explains that simple tasks like cleaning or dressing build independence and structure, key for development. Chen sees the other moms’ critique as misguided, noting each family tailors responsibilities to their needs, not a one-size-fits-all rule.

Relationship therapist Dr. Mark Reynolds tackles the “lazy” label, calling it unfair. He argues the OP’s nap and split duties reflect a practical balance, not sloth, especially with morning cleaning and a school schedule. Reynolds flags the moms’ pushback as possible projection, but warns that “jealous” escalates tensions, souring new bonds.

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Dr. Sarah Kline, a social dynamics specialist, views this as a clash of expectations. She suggests SAHMs often face pressure to “do it all,” and the OP’s system challenged that norm, sparking friction. Kline advises empathy over accusations—both sides could learn from each other’s styles to ease the sting of this dust-up.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s crowd rallies strong, mostly landing on “everyone’s messy here.” The crowd sees a playdate turned showdown, with both the mom and her new pals slinging judgments over chores and roles. They lean toward a tie her “jealous” jab and their “lazy” shot canceled out. Live and let live, they say: each house, each rule, no need for a mom war.

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sunfloweries − ESH wow this sounds like legit the most boring conversation y'all could have possibly had... sitting around picking fights with each other over chores and telling other ppl what to do in their marriages. go get a hobby, all of ya.

WasV3 − ESH.... I wonder why its hard for you to make friends

ElevatorOk8601 − ESH You and the SAHM judged each other. No wonder why you're finding it hard to make friends. Nothing wrong with your arrangement if it works for you and nothing wrong with their arrangement if it works for them. Don't judge others for how they handle their house and find a group that won't judge you for how you handle yours.

mike_hawks − ESH. I can't imagine anything more exhausting and pointless than debates with essentially strangers over the division of household labor.

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Jemma_2 − ESH. Either they are jealous, or they just fancied a vent about chores and you turned it into a whole thing. You sound exhausting. Hadn’t you just met these people? No wonder you have trouble making friends. Try being nice to people when you first meet them and hold back the crazy until you know them a bit better.

Unit-Healthy − They called me lazy then I proceeded by calling them jealous ESH. Nice way to make new friends. Sounds like everyone just did a verbal dump of their household chore task list, and then judged everyone else who did it differently. This doesn't sounds like an uplifting and supportive group in any sense.

Petty25betty − Lol. ESH. Find a group of friends you can just be happy around. No need to go back and forth with them if you think they’re jealous. Never justify what works in your home.

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Reasonable-Bear-1374 − ESH. Ain't it funny how it's always the very last person you'd ever be jealous of who goes around saying people are jealous of them.

GaryDoogle − NTA - Seems like a pretty fair arrangement to me, it's not as if you stay home all day watching netflix. Being a sahm is hard work and I'm sure has extra challenges when you have a child with extra needs. Teaching your son responsibility and giving him the structure of having his own chores can surely only help him later in life too.

General_Relative2838 − NTA. Housework is unending. I couldn't do it all when I was a SAHM, so I hired a maid service. My husband worked long hours, so having him help was unrealistic. It's a good idea to have children learn to help early. It teaches them responsibility. It sounds to me like you are doing it right.

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This playdate gone wild mixes mom duties, sharp words, and a tangle of feelings, with our SAHM holding firm against a chorus of critics. Reddit calls it a draw, experts cheer her balance but nudge kinder chats, and the drama’s still fresh. Did jealousy or judgment fuel this flare-up? Drop your takes, tales, or tips below what would you do in this mom melee?

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