AITA for taking my niece out of drama club because she failed PE?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove. A high school freshman, living with her aunt and uncle, finds her passion for drama club at odds with a failed PE class—a graduation must. Her guardians, firm believers in house rules, pull her from the stage, sparking a family feud that’s got everyone picking sides. The girl’s parents cry foul, while Reddit users weigh in with fiery takes. Was this tough love or a misstep? Let’s dive into this domestic drama, where emotions run high and priorities clash.

The story unfolds in a household where structure reigns supreme. The niece, new to the family’s rhythm, faces the consequences of neglecting a required online PE course. Her guardians’ decision to prioritize academics over extracurriculars ignites debate about discipline, fairness, and the value of creative outlets. With Reddit buzzing, we’ll explore the heart of this conflict and what it reveals about balancing rules with passion.

‘AITA for taking my niece out of drama club because she failed PE?’

My niece is living with my family and I due to some personal reasons. She moved in right at the end of the school year last year. This year, she started high school. In our state, you have to have two years of PE to graduate. My niece asked if she could do it online like my kids, and we said sure, no problem.

The way the online program works is pretty simple. Over a 180 day term (plus weekends) students must clock in 60 hrs of physical activity on a Fitbit provided through the school. There aren’t set exercises or anything like that. The students do whatever they want, and as long as the Fitbit registers it, it counts.

For example, my son and one daughter got theirs through sports, but my other daughter looks up dance routines on the computer. Also, the 60 hrs can be divided however a student wants. They can do an hour a day and be done in two months, or they can do 20 minutes a day for the whole 180, or any other combination, as long as it gets done.

There are smaller goals throughout the year, like 30 hrs by midterm in December and 15 hrs by the end of October. My niece hasn’t met these goals. In fact, she hasn’t registered a single minute of what the Fitbit counts as real physical activity. And she says it’s not a malfunction.

She thought that walking to class and drama (even though by her own admission they mostly stand and read) would be enough. She said that between homework and drama, she didn’t have time for exercizing. Our house rule is if you fail a class, you’re pulled from all extra curriculars, no matter your other grades.

My wife and I called the school and told them we were pulling my niece from drama and why. Now her parents are furious. Her mom all but said it was abuse. My brother can’t believe we’d pull her from something she loves so much w/o consulting them, even though when we asked for input on what classes to put her in, they said that we should trust our judgment.. I don’t know. AITA for pulling her out of it?

Edit: I was unclear; my apologies. She has failed the class by not meeting this goal. They have officially removed her as of this evening. Before anyone jumps on me, I didn’t explain properly. The students can do as they wish with logging the time, as long as they meet each smaller goal.

Edit 2: It seems most people think we are assholes, however, those people seem to be overlooking that two credits of PE are required for graduation. This class is not a simple elective which can be forgotten. As such, our punishment stands. She will stay out of drama until next year. I am deleting this account as it was a throwaway meant to ask what was, in hindsight, a stupid question.

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This family’s clash over drama club versus PE highlights the tricky balance of enforcing rules while nurturing a teen’s passions. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, notes in his work on family dynamics, “Effective discipline requires clear boundaries but also empathy for a child’s emotional needs” . The guardians’ strict rule—failing a class means no extracurriculars—sets a firm line but risks alienating their niece, who may see drama as her emotional lifeline.

The niece’s failure to log PE hours suggests a struggle with self-discipline, not uncommon for a 15-year-old adjusting to a new home. Her excuse of “no time” due to drama and homework points to poor time management, while her parents’ outrage hints at deeper family tensions. Both sides have valid points: the guardians prioritize graduation requirements, while the parents see drama as vital for her growth. A more collaborative approach, like setting a PE schedule together, could have prevented this fallout.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: how do we balance academic rigor with creative expression? A 2021 study from the National Association for Music Education found that arts programs boost student engagement by 20% . Denying access to drama might sap her motivation, yet failing PE jeopardizes her future. Dr. Gottman’s advice suggests a middle ground: clear consequences paired with support. For the niece, a structured plan to catch up on PE hours while keeping drama could rebuild trust and motivation.

Instead of a blanket ban, the guardians could guide her to log the required 20 minutes daily, perhaps through family walks or dance. This aligns with Gottman’s emphasis on fostering autonomy while maintaining accountability.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of cheers and jeers for the guardians’ decision. Here’s the raw scoop from the online crowd, buzzing with support, shade, and everything in between:

JackNotName − YTA. I never understood why denying a child an activity that will help them grow as a person is a valid punishment for failing at school.. Learning how to act is a very useful skill for her future. I agree that she needs a punishment, but this one is stupid. Also, did she know ahead of time that this was on the line?.

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Edit: wow, this really blew up. Given all the negative (and often angry, disparaging) comments I am getting, I am surprised it's been voted so high.. To be clear. 1. The niece does deserve repercussions for her actions. This punishment is too much. It might get obedience, but it will also likely get the niece to resent her aunt, which is counter-productive.

2. Drama is a useful skill. The ability to stand in front of people, present herself well, and talk without being nervous is useful no matter what she does in the future. 3. It's 20 minutes a day. The goal should be to teach good habits. I have no doubt that she wastes more than 20 minutes a day, because we all do.

ejohnson10 − NTA. I might catch flak for this, but she failed a class that she needs to graduate. OP, you trusted her to make sure she takes care of her stuff, and she didn’t. That’s on her. Therefore, considering she’s living in your house, she needs to follow your rules. You are well within your rights to pull her from drama due to her failing PE.

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My parents would’ve pulled me from any extracurriculars I was in too if I failed a class, let alone a required one. I’m not sure what the situation with your niece’s parents is, but if she’s in your care, then their input doesn’t mean a whole lot when you’re the one raising her.  Like I don’t see any reason why they should be able to place their child in your care;

and then be able to clutch their pearls and faint when you pull a kid from an activity that, according to the kid herself, was a factor as to why she failed a class she needs to graduate. For her sake, I’m hoping she still has the time to make it up, but that’d be a really stupid reason to fail to graduate high school because you didn’t put enough effort into, and subsequently fail, PE.

avast2006 − INFO - sounds to me like she failed the first of the sub goals (October) not the whole thing. If you come up with an exercise program and she demonstrates immediate progress on it does she get extracurricular stuff back?. Your brother is nuts, though. That is not abuse by any sane definition.

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[Reddit User] − INFO: Did you check in with her at any point over the semester about where she was at? It seems like if there was no physical activity recorded by the midpoint at the end of October, there maybe should have been some intervention on your part, like doing activities together or signing her up for a recreational sport.

She's 15, kids at that age are often bad at self-regulating and need some guidance from their parental figures. You're NTA for enforcing a house-wide rule, but I think there were steps that could have been taken before this point to ensure she was getting some physical activity.

I'm also curious about the situation that led to her living with you, since both parents are alive. Is it possible she's depressed due to her circumstances? That can have a huge effect on motivation, particularly with regards to getting moving.

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RecommendsMalazan − Lol, all the Y T As. I'm guessing she didn't meet the 15 hours by the end of Oct, and OP used that as the reason to punish her. Clearly NTA, the niece knew what she had to do, she knew when she had to do it by, she knew she hadn't done anything so far, and she knew the consequences to not doing anything. She deserves to get punished here.

MrZecaca − YTA there are many other ways you could of handeled the situation without having to take her out of drama.

bluedog33 − NTA. She knew about the rule, and that she needs the PE hours to graduate. As she said that the reason she wasn't completing it was that she didn't have time due to her drama club, then pulling her from that seems super reasonable as presumably she can then use that time to log her fitness hours. You'd only be TA if you kept her out of drama once this has been rectified.

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Eldundarin − INFO. Does she have any chance of doing that by the end of the school year? As I understand from one of your comments school year is not over yet right?

Visualize_ − NTA. Lmao are all the people on this subreddit lazy people who don't leave the house? Like come on, PE is a class that is required for graduation. Saying the niece is stressed and doesn't have time to excersise is a bunch of b**lshit. At the end of the day she didn't care about the class but that class is one of her responsibilities.

Also the argument that PE doesn't matter, drama club does is a bunch of b**lshit as well. I can just say math doesn't matter if the niece is trying to become and actress. Calculus adds nothing to your acting career so who cares about doing your math homework because it's 'too stressful'.

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singerbeerguy − YTA. I’m a school choir director and I can tell you that when a student struggles in school, the last thing you should do is pull them out of their favorite class. Her drama class may be an oasis in the middle of an otherwise challenging day.

It may be the thing that motivates her the most to come to school each day. Taking that away is not likely to lead to better academic results, and is sure to be a major source of frustration to her.. Edit: Thanks for the Silver!

These Redditors tore into the debate, some high-fiving the guardians for sticking to their guns, others rolling their eyes at the drama club ban. One user called it “b**lshit” to dismiss PE’s importance, while another argued drama’s skills are just as valuable. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the fire?

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This tale of clashing priorities—graduation requirements versus a teen’s creative outlet—strikes a chord with anyone navigating family rules or teenage rebellion. The guardians’ firm stance on PE makes sense for academic success, but pulling the niece from drama risks dimming her spark. Reddit’s mixed reactions show there’s no easy answer. Blending discipline with empathy might be the key to keeping the peace. What would you do if you were in this family’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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