AITA for taking my mom on vacation?

Imagine a daughter, once a teen dreaming with her single mom about far-off places they couldn’t afford, finally boarding a plane to Nepal to make that fantasy real. At 32, she’s kept her promise, funded by years of hard work, with her husband cheering her on. But back home, her wealthy mother-in-law, fresh from her own Nordic jaunt, bristles: where’s her 60th birthday trip? When told there’s no time or money left, she freezes them out, and her kids pile on, calling the daughter selfish.

This Reddit saga is a vibrant clash of love, loyalty, and entitlement. Was the daughter wrong to prioritize her mom’s lifelong dream, or are her in-laws demanding too much? It’s a story that jets across continents, unpacking family ties and the weight of promises kept.

‘AITA for taking my mom on vacation?’

This Reddit post lays bare a woman’s heartfelt gesture and the family fallout that followed. Here’s her story, unfiltered:

I grew up very poor with a single mom. My mom was the type to work hard for not-enough money but she would put everyone before herself. We used to fantasize about vacations, because we’d never get them. We’d say where we wanted to go if we came into a bunch of money and pretend to plan them.

When I was 15 I promised her I’d take her to Nepal for her 60th birthday, because she wanted to go. 17 years later, I made good on that promise. I had worked hard in college, walked away with 2 master’s degrees and a six figure job. I saved up, and we were going to Nepal. Since I was now 32 and married, my husband came along as well.

He’d known for years that I was planning this, and was onboard. It may be relevant that while I’m the high earner between us, we have a joint account and share everything. He helped me keep it a secret, we got the tickets, arranged everything, surprised her, and went to Nepal for two weeks.

Upon our return my mother-in-law asked my husband, ‘Where are you taking me for my 60th?’ Her birthday was later that year. My husband explained that we were still planning to come to her 60th birthday party but that we had used almost all our vacation for the Nepal trip (not to mention we saved for quite a bit for that, I’m not so well off I can take two international vacations in the same year).

My MIL works a good job and is well off. She has 3 other grown, adult kids, her house is paid off, she bought a new car cash with a European buying program and took a trip to get the car, toured all over the Nordic countries and London, and took my husbands young (adult) brother with her, mostly compliments of a very large inheritance she received.

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So she could definitely afford to take herself to Nepal, or anywhere really. And in fact she did, she took my sister in law on a trip to Iceland instead for her birthday and pointedly invited everyone but us, saying she didn’t invite us because we ‘had no vacation left.’

At first I thought she was just being petty, but my husband’s siblings have all slowly come on board to pointing out that I am definitely the a**hole for taking my mom somewhere, and not planning an equal type of thing for my MIL’s 60th, which was 8 months later. It’s caused a huge strife and arguments on all sides.

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My husband tries to protect me from it but I know it wears on him. We live on the opposite side of the country so it’s easier to have fewer dealings with them, but I feel terrible that I’ve caused this wedge now.

All I wanted was to keep a promise I made when I was 15 and take my mom somewhere nice because of the sacrifices she made me for when I was growing up. But the fact that so many of my husband’s family think I’m in the wrong here makes me think I am actually the a**hole for not also thinking about and considering her birthday as well.

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This family feud boils down to mismatched expectations and privilege gaps. The woman’s Nepal trip was a deeply personal act, rooted in a childhood promise to her struggling mother, not a precedent for equal treatment of her affluent MIL. The MIL’s reaction, echoed by her children, reflects entitlement, ignoring the emotional and financial context of the gesture.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “When in-laws expect parity without understanding personal histories, it breeds resentment” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 62% of in-law conflicts stem from perceived favoritism tied to financial disparities (Source). The MIL’s Iceland trip exclusion was petty, escalating a misunderstanding into a vendetta.

The woman’s guilt is natural but misplaced—she owes her MIL nothing beyond respect. “Set boundaries with confidence,” Heitler advises. She and her husband could calmly explain the trip’s unique significance, shutting down comparisons. Ignoring the siblings’ jabs and focusing on their own family unit will ease the strain.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit unpacked this drama with takes as bold as a Himalayan trek. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

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WriterMelodic713 − NTA. Obviously your husbands family has no idea what it’s like to never be able to go on vacation. They’re petty.

lostalldoubt86 − NTA- Does your MIL know the story behind the trip? If she doesn’t, she’s an AH still, but it’s a little more understandable. If she knows the whole story and is still being a brat about it, that’s completely on her.

PsychoBat636 − NTA. I have an upvote to you but I really just want to hug you. That was so sweet of you to do that for your mother. You worked so hard for so long and you did it. Your husband seems like a great guy also for sticking up for you. His family seems entitled. They can’t understand that this was a dream for you and your mother. The rest of the family is siding with her to see what they can get out of it in the future.

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imnotpanickingyouare − NTA. They should recognize their privilege. Also there’s nothing wrong with saying I planned and saved for this for over a decade. Since I didn’t know you 17 years ago when I planned this it’s not in the cards right now.

CertainThing5082 − Hi friend, How wonderful that you made such a powerful vow at a young age, and were able to bring it to life! This is a beautiful example of generosity, gratitude, and perseverance, and it says so much about about the love between you and your mother.

Regarding your in-laws... you are not the a**hole, you are not in the wrong, and you are not inconsiderate. In any way. I've learned that there are some people who will treat any degree of empathy / consideration as an admission of guilt, and that actively trying to see things from their perspective just eggs them on.

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With this sort of personality any 'give' just makes things worse. Which seems counterproductive, because rational people will try to see things from another perspective, and empathetic people will acknowledge that other perspective... which seems like it should be the 'right' thing to do, only with some folks it's totally... not.. So, what to do?

Try doing the opposite of what you've been doing. (Which I'm guessing has been empathetic and generous.) I'm not saying you should be an a**hole back to them... but rather, just speak your truth neutrally, confidently, and unshakably... as though any other perspective would be ridiculous.

An example, if your MIL raises this again - say, something like 'You obviously don't care about me because you didn't treat me equally on my 60th.' You just smile, laugh, and say a shortened version of the following:

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'Oh MIL, of course you're not suggesting that saving for X years to honor a promise made to my mother at 15 means that we should do the same for you... especially given the differences between your finances and hers. You're far too polite and understanding. Now, what should we do for dinner / how about sports-team-result / let me tell you the latest thing that happened at work.' 

HappyLucyD − NTA. Assuming that your husband explained the circumstances, this seems like more of a mother-in-law not feeling “appreciated,” and frankly, she’s being childish for trying to blame you. Your husband is wonderful for trying to protect you, but at the end of the day, he needs a sit down with his mom to let her know that his not planning a vacation for her doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate her.

If she’s STILL kicking up a fuss, then you both may need to give her a vacation from your presence. The siblings can shut up, as it is none of their business. You are NTA. MIL did not raise you, and you owe her nothing.

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RexJacobus − NTA. I'm confused. OP took her mom on holiday. If MIL wants a holiday shouldn't it be one of her own kids who takes her? Why is she the one required to pay and take MIL anywhere?

elaborateLemonpi − Definitely NTA . your MIL is being entitled. This trip was something you and your mom dreamed about since, like you said,you were ... what 15? You saved and planned to take her and it will probably be the only time your mom would be able to travel outside the country. Your in laws are being jerks.

And you are most def NTA here. Your mom probably will remember it for the rest of her time here. I'm sure she is even bragging to her friends about her amazing child for spoiling her. Good for you OP, she totally deserved that trip.

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Padaalsa − NTA What a bunch of spoiled, entitled, vicious people. They have absolutely no empathy for your living situation now and in the past, instead choosing to view things only in terms of what benefits them directly and what doesn't.

The fact that they've rallied together to make you miserable over holding a lifelong promise to your mother who scraped by for decades is disgusting and inexcusable. I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this senseless awfulness.

NoInevitable1806 − NTA. x100 if MIL is aware of your situation. Even if she’s unaware, she should understand that your decision to take your mother on a dream vacation has nothing to do with her. As for the siblings, wow. This is completely and utterly none of their business.

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These Reddit opinions are as spirited as a travel itinerary, but do they miss the deeper rift of privilege and promises?

This story is a rich tapestry of devotion, dreams, and family friction. The woman’s gift to her mom was a triumph, but her in-laws’ demands cast a shadow. Could a frank talk with her MIL clear the air, or is distance the best cure for entitlement? What would you do if your family expected you to match a deeply personal gesture? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced in-law drama over unequal treatment?

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