AITA for taking my kids to my parents house to sleep because my husband will not enforce the rules when his parents visit?

Jonathan Hours
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The glow of a TV screen and the cheer of a hockey game filled a cozy home, but for one mom, it was the last straw. Her in-laws’ visits, brimming with love, came with a catch: they tossed her kids’ routines—homework, chores, bedtimes—out the window. Worse, her husband shrugged it off, leaving her as the “bad guy” enforcing rules. Fed up after a school-night movie outing, she packed up her kids and their homework, heading three blocks to her parents’ house for structure.

Her absence left her husband scrambling in a messy home, with unwashed gym clothes and school complaints piling up. His pleas for her return met a firm stance: enforce the rules, or she’s staying put. Was her escape a masterclass in boundaries or a step too far? Let’s dive into this lively tale of family, rules, and rebellion.

‘AITA for taking my kids to my parents house to sleep because my husband will not enforce the rules when his parents visit?’

A mother’s stand for routine sparked a household showdown. Here’s her story, straight from Reddit:

We live three blocks away from my parents and they see our kids almost every day. Hey husband's parents live a couple of states away and only see the kids a few times a year.. It's easy when we go see them since we only visit when the kids are off school.. But when they come see us it is at random intervals through the year.

Not a problem really they are excellent grandparents. With one small exception. They think our rules go out the window when they visit. It's mean that we don't make the kids their favorite food every day. Why can't the kids watch tv with them before they do their chores and homework. Why do the kids have to be in bed so early.

It drives me crazy that I'm the bad guy because my husband won't put his foot down so I have to do it. They came last week. On Monday ss soon as dinner was over they wanted the kids to pay attention to them. They wanted to take the kids to see Avatar. On a school night. My husband allowed it. Last straw.

I told him that he knew that throwing the kids off there schedule screwed me over. So I gave him the choice of either enforcing our rules or I would. He said he would take care of it. Second night there was a hockey game on. He wanted to watch it with our son who loves hockey. I reminded my husband that our son had chores to do and homework. He said it was just a hockey game.

I told the kids to get their stuff. I took them and a change of clothes and their homework to my parents house. My mom and dad will watch them and then take them to school in the morning. I went back home and they were waiting for me. I'm being a controlling and abusive person by denying them time with the kids.

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I'm not the only person allowed to make decisions regarding the kids. They came all this way to see them and I'm being a jerk by keeping them on a schedule. Fine. They are visiting for a couple of weeks. Wednesday after I picked up the kids from school and dropped them off at home with my in-laws. Then I went out for the first time in ages.

I told my husband I would be out late and didn't want to wake anyone so I would be at my parents house. Did the same thing Thursday through tonight. My husband has been calling and texting and coming over to tell me I need to come home because the house is a disaster because his parents won't do anything.

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They are in vacation and they are there to see the kids not clean up. The kids are having a fun time with no rules and he has been contacted by the school because no homework was turned in on Thursday or Friday. I didn't answer those texts. I said I would be back after his parents left or he enforced the rules. He said I was taking it too far and that it was affecting his work. Honestly tough s**t..

EDIT: My son just texted me about his gym clothes for today. I guess he never put them on the hamper and they didn't get washed. Now I'm wondering what else my husband didn't get done?. Kids are 9 and 11. In-laws visit four or five times a year for at least a week.
A mother’s retreat to her parents’ house was a bold bid to protect her kids’ stability. Her in-laws’ disregard for rules—school-night outings, skipped chores—disrupted a carefully tuned schedule, and her husband’s inaction forced her into the enforcer role. By relocating the kids, she reclaimed control, but her absence left her husband floundering, highlighting their parenting disconnect.

Consistent routines benefit kids. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found 73% of children with stable schedules show better academic performance (Source). The in-laws’ “vacation” mindset clashed with this.

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Family therapist Dr. John Gottman says, “Couples thrive when they present a united front” (Source). The husband’s leniency undermined their partnership. The couple should negotiate clear rules for visits, with him leading enforcement. She could limit her absence to weekdays to balance support. In-laws might respect boundaries if communicated firmly.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s rallying behind this mom’s epic stand, cheering her boundary-setting and dunking on the rule-breaking chaos. Here’s the community’s vibe:

Money_Engineering_59 − NTA and I seriously applaud you! So many women take this kind of s**t and never have the guts to stand up for themselves. Playing nice sucks!!! Husband and parents will most likely call you difficult. They are upset the house is a mess? They can clean it themselves!

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You are not the maid and you were not put on this earth to ensure everyone has a lovely time but you. YOU are the one that has to take of the aftermath. If your husband and his parents can’t understand that children need routine and boundaries, you are in for a hell of a rough ride. Hopefully you’ve made it well known that you won’t stand for that type of sh**.

SecretJealous4342 − NTA. He wants to let his parents have their way in your house. That is not okay. You guys probably have a good reason for the way that you handle things. If he can't understand that then just stay with your folks whenever his visit. Although I do wonder what you mean by they are 'excellent' grandparents. They sound like entitled a**hole boomers but must be younger.

OkJellyfish9225 − 'Honestly tough s**t' is right. NTA. Personally I relax the rules around stuff like snacks and TV when grandparents are there, but I have the last word and I would be furious to be overruled. Shrugging off the homework is unacceptable. Don't go home. Let your husband learn how to be a parent.

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SASM1983 − NTA. She asked them politely to respect the weekday rules and everyone ignored you. Sure, the Grandparents are on holiday but noone else is. Plus I love the ultra pettiness of you going out/to your parents to let them all fend for themselves! They don't wanna abide by the rules, they can do all the homeworks and chores themselves. Legend!

OkSeat4312 − NTA-I’m so sorry for you. The only compromise I can think of doesn’t apply immediately. Your husband has to say no when they want to visit during school weeks. Will he limit visits to long weekends or holidays? You may need to answer your husband.

Maybe something like, “You allowed this to happen, so now you have to deal with the consequences. I can’t handle it-I tried, and it resulted in you lying to me & your parents going off on me. It’s too stressful for me, so i’ll be home when they leave.”. Question: who is getting the calls from the school? Do they call him or you?

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flowersinthedark − NTA. They visit, but it's not just for a day or two but for several weeks. That's too long for an 'exceptional' status, especially when the kids have school and everyone needs to go to work.. I admire your determination. You absolutely did the right thing, imho.

BexclamationPoint − NTA and you're my hero. This is a master class in boundaries and the waterfall technique for decision-making, where you start with your ideal outcome and then figure out what the next-best is until you get to the bare minimum you can accept. It looks like yours was:

-I want to have a nice visit with my in-laws where they respect the structure we have in place for our kids and we all enjoy each other's company. -If I can't have that, I want my husband to take the lead on enforcing our rules with his parents.

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-If I can't have that, I want the kids' schedule to get followed, even if that means taking them somewhere else until my husband and his parents get on board with the rules so we all have a nice visit. -If I can't have that, I want to let the three adults causing this problem deal with the consequences without my help. I'm sorry you had to get all the way down to the bottom of your list, but you are handling this like a boss.

Edited to add credit where credit is due: I learned about this from a Captain Awkward post and I don't know if it's a widely known, official thing or just something one therapist suggested once.

Dogmother123 − So it's a problem when it affects his work but it's ok to s**ew you over with their schedule?. Brilliant move - NTA.

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BigBayesian − NTA. It seems like everyone’s expectation is that when things get tough, you’ll step in and pick up the slack, and they don’t have to. It also seems like your husband would rather do *anything* then stand up to his parents. You made your position clear. When your requirements weren’t met, you solved the problem yourself.

When that proved unpalatable, you brought the kids back and said “I’m done, you solve it”. The fact that this is impacting your husband’s job is unfortunate, but is something he should have anticipated when he completely ignored your warnings and concerns.

LaSlacker − NTA.. You are my hero. Edit: My parents are similar to your husband's parents. They come visit us for long chunks of time (1-2 weeks, 2-3 times a year) and my daughter spends 4 weeks with them over the summer. When she was 3, she came back from a visit with them over TEN POUNDS heavier.

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If your starting bodyweight is forty pounds, that is a f**king lot. I put my foot down, and told them if anything like that happened again, she wasn't going to visit anymore and that they were clearly not prioritizing her health and well being. Four weeks is not a vacation where you can just go wild 24/7. If you want my kid for 4 weeks, you need to parent her, or you don't get her.

When they're here, they have tried to get us to bend the rules. Now they know: bed time is at 9, we are NOT skipping any usual activities, she doesn't get to miss school. Luckily, they were my parents and my husband and I were on the same page, so there was no friction between us. A united front makes all the difference.

These Reddit cheers are loud, but do they untangle this family fracas? Was her exit a boundary win or a touch too petty?

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This saga of a mom’s getaway to save her kids’ routine spins a tale of love, limits, and laundry left undone. Her bold move shook up her home, forcing her husband to face the fallout. Should she stay firm until rules reign, or ease back to mend the rift? If family visits tossed your rules aside, how’d you restore order? Drop your thoughts and let’s sort this household hullabaloo!

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