AITA for taking my fiancé wedding dress shopping instead of my friends?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a bride-to-be, glowing with love, stepping into a bridal boutique with dreams of finding the dress. For one 29-year-old woman, that moment was meant to be shared with her fiancé, her rock and cheerleader, not her bridesmaids. But her choice to break tradition—inviting her partner instead of her friends—ignited a firestorm of hurt feelings and ultimatums. What was supposed to be a joyful day turned into a battle over loyalty, tradition, and who gets a say in her big moment.

This Reddit tale captures the messy clash of personal choice and group expectations. The original poster (OP) wanted her fiancé by her side, valuing his support and their shared finances over her bridesmaids’ opinions. Now, with friendships on the line, she’s left wondering if her decision was selfish or simply her right.

‘AITA for taking my fiancé wedding dress shopping instead of my friends?’

My (29 F) fiancé (29 M) and I have been together for 9 years now, and we are hoping to get married next year! I have (or possibly had) a group of 3 women as my bridesmaids, 28, 29, and 31. My bridesmaids and I had an appointment at a wedding dress shop last week. About 2 weeks before the appointment, I told them that I wanted to invite my fiancé to come.

For one, he and I share finances so I figured he should have a say in which wedding dress we spend money on. For another, my fiancé makes me feel so beautiful and confident whereas my friends can be critical of my looks. For another, my fiancé is my best friend and I wanted him there. My bridesmaids got mad when I told them I was going to bring my fiancé along.

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They said it went against tradition and that I’d care more about his opinion than theirs. They also said that dress shopping was supposed to be girl time, not fiancé time. But I told them that they weren’t paying a cent for the dress but my fiancé is, so his opinion does matter quite a bit.

It caused a huge fight, and eventually, they collectively told me that if my fiancé went dress shopping, they wouldn’t go. I said fine. So, last week, my fiancé and I went dress shopping without them. They got mad again because they thought I would try to work toward a compromise before the appointment, but I felt like I had simply chosen between the ultimatum they gave me.

Apparently one of my bridesmaids is considering pulling out of the wedding and the others aren’t speaking to me. I’m not sure how things will work out, but I honestly never intended for dress shopping to be such a big deal. AITA in this situation?

Wedding planning can feel like juggling flaming torches, and the OP’s choice to prioritize her fiancé’s presence over her bridesmaids’ expectations lit a spark. The OP values her fiancé’s support and financial stake, but her bridesmaids see it as a betrayal of “girl time” and tradition. Their ultimatum—excluding the fiancé or skipping the event—forced the OP to choose, revealing deeper tensions about loyalty and control.

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This situation mirrors a broader trend: modern couples redefining wedding norms. A 2024 survey by The Knot (source) found 62% of couples prioritize personal preferences over tradition, often clashing with loved ones’ expectations. The bridesmaids’ reaction suggests they feel sidelined, possibly reflecting underlying friendship strains.

Relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “Boundaries in relationships are about claiming your needs while respecting others’” (source). Here, the OP’s boundary—choosing her fiancé’s affirming presence—clashed with her friends’ need for inclusion. Perel’s insight suggests the OP’s choice is valid, but communication could soften the blow.

To navigate this, the OP could acknowledge her friends’ feelings while standing firm, perhaps inviting them to another wedding-related event to rebuild trust.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and shade for the OP’s predicament. Here’s what the community had to say:

bettyblueeyes - NTA your friends suck. Who gives a stuff about tradition? It's YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want tradition be damned. Honestly, if they pull out of the wedding over this, consider it a blessing in disguise and pick new bridesmaids. If they're so obsessed with tradition, why are they doing such a terrible job of keeping the Bride happy?

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cucumberboots - NTA, your friends don't sound like great people.. 'critical of my looks'. 'felt like I had simply chosen between the ultimatum they gave me'. 'considering pulling out'. All for a dress? You're going to be just as married as every other married couple, no matter what traditions you choose to partake in or not.

WeedLatte - NTA. Your “friends” sound pretty s**tty. Your wedding is about what you want it to be. If you want your fiancé there, you have every right to have him there and your bridesmaids shouldn’t try to control who goes with you. And good friends don’t criticize their friends appearances. I’d question if these are the people you really want in your wedding.

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[Reddit User] - INFO: Do you usually bring your fiance with you when you go out and stuff? Based on their extreme reactions, I kinda have the feeling this is about more than just dress shopping. I've had friends who were so codependent they couldn't go out with their friends *without* their SO - is it possible that this is your friends' issue?

[Reddit User] - NTA. It might not be common for men to go dress shopping, but you want him there and that's all that matters. This day is about two people, and everyone else is there because they are loved and cared for, but if they aren't interested in what the bride and groom want then they can f\*ck off in my opinion. Your wedding stuff isn't the time for them to start being selfish.

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rick6787 - NTA This is some of the most bizarre, petty, immature, and selfish behavior I've ever heard of. What kind of 'friends' are these? I'm really sorry they're treating you this way, but they sound like they're out of their minds.

SincerelyCynical - Absolutely NTA. Your friends are being very immature. As a side note, I was surprised by how special our “first look” photo turned out to be. We did photos before the ceremony, but the photographer insisted on a very special placement and arrangement to for the first time my husband saw me in my wedding dress.

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I thought she was overreacting. Now, fifteen years later, it’s still one of the best photos we’ve ever had. That’s just us, though, and has nothing to do with what your friends said. They’re being ridiculous.

WebbieVanderquack - NTA.. They said it went against tradition. Oh gasp! Realistically, wedding dress shopping is pretty new. Until recently, women - rich or poor - had dresses made. The 'tradition' of going into a shop with your bridesmaids to try on numerous ready-made dresses and pick the right one is technically more of a 'trend.'

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caddykitten - NTA at all!! ' my fiancé makes me feel so beautiful and confident' - this is the best line I've read all day. THIS is who you marry, a person that makes you feel beautiful and confident.. No matter what happens with your 'friends', you have a good man by your side.

purpleit11 - Do you do anything with your friends away from your fiance? The only thing I could think of is if this is built up resentment against constant time with him without as much investment in friendships.

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These fiery takes highlight Reddit’s knack for cutting through drama, but do they miss the nuances of friendship?

The OP’s story is a reminder that weddings amplify emotions, turning small choices into big battles. By choosing her fiancé, she honored her heart but risked her friendships. Was she right to stand her ground, or should she have sought compromise? Weddings are personal, but they don’t happen in a vacuum. What would you do if your friends gave you an ultimatum over your big day? Drop your thoughts and experiences—let’s spark a lively debate!

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