AITA for taking my daughters phone and tablet away?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, the hum of a laptop fills the air as a mother juggles work calls and parenting duties. Her 17-year-old daughter, a high school junior, is supposed to be focused on virtual classes, but her grades are slipping fast. Three failing classes and a withdrawn course spark a tough decision: her phone and tablet are off-limits during school hours. The daughter’s fiery tantrum and a family feud ignite—grandma and aunt think it’s too harsh. Was this tech timeout a parenting win or an overstep?

The situation escalates when a shocking discovery comes to light: the daughter’s devices weren’t just a distraction but a tool for bullying. This Reddit saga, buzzing with opinions, dives into the messy world of parenting, teenage rebellion, and digital-age dilemmas. Readers can’t help but wonder—how far should parents go to steer their kids back on track?

‘AITA for taking my daughters phone and tablet away?’

​I (43F) have a daughter (17F) who is a junior in high school. She is currently doing remote learning due to obvious reasons, and because our district has shut down, again for obvious reasons. I am working from home as my office is closed and limited to a skeleton crew of three people.

Last week received emails from three different teachers that she is in danger of failing three classes, and she had to withdraw from one entirely because her grade was so poor. She will now have a WDF (withdraw due to failing) on her permanent record.

Prior to this she was a decent student, she always maintained at least a C or higher in her courses. Her teachers told us that she does not pay attention in class and spends a lot of time looking down at her phone and/or tablet. My husband (45M) and I had a meeting with these three teachers and her guidance counselor and they all agree, as do we, that the phone and tablet are becoming an issue.

She has a school issued computer and according to our daughter it is working properly. When we asked her why she wasn't paying attention, she told us it was boring and she didn't care. her teachers requested that I keep an eye on her. I told them that i would when I could, but I too have to work and am required to log in so many hours per day or I will be endanger of losing my job.

I told them that I felt at 17 she is old enough to know and understand what she should be doing during school hours without me hovering over her shoulder. So my husband and I told her that her phone and tablet were off limits from the hours of 8:30AM until 2:00PM (her school hours).

My husband blocked the data to both devices during those hours. Our daughter threw an absolute fit. She called us tyrants and went to her room and slammed the door. She called my mom, who in turn called us and told us that we were being unseasonable.

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That she is a child and needs to socialize with her friends. My mother said that it wasn't fair for us to take her devices away. i told my mother that this was not her decision to make, that she is failing three of her core classes and we were trying to teach her a lesson in responsibility.

I explained that we did not take the devices away permanently, only during her learning hours.. My mother then called my sister who is also telling us that we went too far with her punishment.. So AITA for taking her phone and tablet away during school hours?. ​

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Update: After having a lengthy discussion with our daughter over why she is doing so poorly in those three classes, it turns out, these are the only classes that she has with her friends and would rather just hang out with them than do the work.

I am very close friends with her friend Justine's mother, so I spoke with her and found out through her, that my daughter and her friends are also in class with a girl that her other friend Renee doesn't like. It turns out that they are all three on their phones making fun of the girl that Renee doesn't like.

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And that is why she is always on her phone/tablet during these classes because they are on Facebook messenger bullying someone. At this point she won't have to worry about the phone or the tablet because it is gone until further notice

and if she wants to talk to her friends (who she is taking a break from for the foreseeable future), she can use the old Nokia flip phone that we have in the event someones phone breaks. For those saying my daughter needs to be evaluated for ADD/ADHD, she has no learning or physical disabilities, apparently she has an even more serious issue of being a bully.

For those asking why we didn't know she was failing the classes, the district only sends notices to parents when the student is in danger of failing the course. We allow our daughter to be independent because she has always demonstrated to us that she can be responsible and trustworthy. However, after what we have just learned, this will no longer be the case.

This tale of tech and teenage turmoil is a classic clash of responsibility versus freedom. The mother’s decision to limit device use during school hours seems reasonable, but the bullying revelation adds a darker twist. Parenting in the digital age is like navigating a minefield blindfolded—one wrong step, and things explode.

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The conflict highlights a broader issue: the impact of smartphones on teen behavior. A 2021 study by Common Sense Media found that 59% of teens felt distracted by their phones during schoolwork (commonsensemedia.org). The daughter’s focus on social media over studies mirrors this trend, but her bullying behavior raises red flags about peer influence and online ethics.

Dr. Pamela Rutledge, a media psychologist, notes, “Social media can amplify negative behaviors like bullying, especially when teens seek validation from peers” (psychologytoday.com). In this case, the daughter’s actions suggest a need for guidance beyond device restrictions. Dr. Rutledge’s insight points to addressing underlying social dynamics, not just screen time.

For solutions, open communication is key. The parents might consider family counseling to unpack the bullying and rebuild trust. Setting clear boundaries, like device-free study zones, can help, alongside teaching empathy to curb harmful behavior. Monitoring social media use without stifling independence could strike a balance, ensuring the daughter learns from her mistakes while staying connected.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid and spicy takes on this parenting pickle. Here’s what the community had to say:

acabxox − NTA. Omg, you haven’t even taken them away for the whole day! Just school hours! She can still talk with friends after 2:30 on her tablet.. Your daughter is crazy entitled and lazy and it’s good you’re drawing a line now. She’s struggling disciplining herself for remote learning, and covid rules must have been a big shock.

Reaffirm that you will keep banning her tablet unless she pays attention in class, but maybe see if she needs counselling or extra support. Sounds like She’s struggling. And why are your other family members getting involved with you disciplining your own child? It’s none of their business.

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QuitaQuites − NTA don’t listen to them. If your mother or sister have an issue then perhaps they can come over and supervisor your daughter while she’s in school. If she was physically at school she wouldn’t be allowed to be on her phone or tablet either.

You can tell your daughter when her grades improve she can have them back. And ask her her plans after high school as right now she’s in danger of not graduating at all and then what? She’s not sitting around at your house on her phone when she’s 18.

OkElderberry4121 − NTA because you’re only limiting it, although the idea of a permanent record is a joke, and I say this as a teacher. There is really no such thing, and only certain scores count towards college. Also, definitely NOT your mothers business at all how you choose to parent. Your daughter may struggle with the fully online learning, but a distracting phone definitely won’t help.

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inkygeek − NTA Your mom and your sister are though. Your child, your rules. I also agree with you: at 17 your daughter is old enough to attend her remote courses independently. If her phone and tablet are a problem, they should be taken away. If it was my house, I would have taken it away completely until her grades recover.

Taking it away during school hours is more than reasonable since phones and tablets aren't allowed for social purposes in class anyway. Subject matter being boring and her having no interest are not valid excuses. We all have to do things we find boring and unappealing; it's a part of life. Kudos to you and your husband for being good parents and doing your best to raise a child properly.

Optimal_Owl7514 − Just read OPs update and I must say! Thank you for being a responsible parent and nipping the bullying in the bud! I wish more parents were like you (especially when I was growing up) and didn't just pull the 'my child can do no wrong!' You have restored part of my faith in humanity. NTA

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thatoneredditorbitch − NTA FIrst of all, you are the parents not your mom or sister so their opinion is not even slightly relevant. You did a reasonable punishment. My mom found out my brother was failing about two months ago and he wasn’t doing anything of the work and he just now got his phone back last weekend, and still doesn’t have his computer.

However, as a child who had undiagnosed adhd and a few other disorders you should look into therapy if this is an issue now/has been in the past. I struggled A LOT in silence mostly because I guess I didn’t fit the typical stereotypes and no one noticed.. As an adult I’m not thriving and have no idea how I made it through life without those diagnoses

[Reddit User] − NTA, but you might want to give her a lunch break to favor in. Also, yes, she should be independent, but she's not and you're her parents, so I think you need to be more engaged in making sure her work is getting done. If your daughter has always struggled with attention, it could be ADHD, such often goes undiagnosed.

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Ill-Engineering2492 − NTA. Your mother sounds like an enabler! At the end of the day, you’re the parents and you are obligated to make the best decisions for your children within reason.. this is well within reason!

MarkovkinKartoshkin − Kinda YTA . Because the punishment is not enough. Should take away all her devices for a couple of weeks at all times not just during school hours (which should be a given always not just during punishment). The punishment suggests that they are lacking in discipline and disciplining.

EvanWasHere − NTA. Your edit definitely confirms it. But what the hell is wrong with the rest of your family. Your daughter wouldn't have her tablet or phone while she was physically in school during the day. The fact that they are insisting on letting her have it shows that they don't know what the hell they are talking about. Honestly, I would have punished the daughter for even running to the rest of the family. They are not her parents.

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These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they hit the mark, or are they just armchair parenting at its finest?

This story leaves us pondering the tightrope parents walk in the smartphone era. The mother’s tech ban sparked family drama, but the bullying bombshell shifted the stakes. It’s a reminder that guiding teens isn’t just about rules—it’s about understanding their world. What would you do if your teen’s devices fueled bad behavior? Share your thoughts—how do you balance discipline and freedom in the digital age?

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