AITA for taking my daughter on a backstage visit that excluded her friends?

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Imagine a dazzling Cirque du Soleil tent, lights swirling, acrobats soaring, and a gaggle of six-year-olds buzzing with awe. For one mom, a retired trapeze artist, this was the backdrop for her daughter’s dream birthday outing—a trip to the circus with three friends. But when a spontaneous backstage visit for just her daughter sparked tears and a heated mom-to-mom phone call, the joy turned into a tightrope walk of guilt and defensiveness. Was she wrong to seize a once-in-a-lifetime moment, or did she fumble the group dynamic?

This Reddit tale spins a web of excitement, hurt feelings, and the tricky balance of celebrating one child while keeping others included. With a daughter passionate about circus arts, the mom’s backstage detour was a magical gift—until it left the other kids feeling like they missed the show’s finale. Let’s swing into this story and untangle the emotions.

‘AITA for taking my daughter on a backstage visit that excluded her friends?’

I’m (34F) a retired trapeze artist and my daughter (6F) is enrolled in circus school. She loves it so much that she asked to see a Cirque du Soleil show as a birthday present. My husband (37M) and I managed to get discount tickets to take her and three of her friends from circus school on a 2-hour drive to catch the nearest show.

When I got there I checked the company credits and noticed a friend of mine, an acrobat from Belgium, was one of the performers. I hadn’t see him in years and sent him a message on Instagram just to say I was in the audience with my daughter and excited to see him.

He replied almost immediately and told me to look for a stage manager after the show so we could say hi and I could take my daughter backstage. And so I did - since he only invited my daughter and I (I didn’t mention in my short message there were three other girls + my husband, and I couldn’t impose taking a small party backstage).

My husband waited with the girls for about 20 min after the show was over while we toured backstage. My daughter was so happy! Yet she kept talking about it on the way home and that’s when I realized the other girls could be feeling left out.

What do you know? The same night one of the girls’ mother called me, to say her daughter came home crying because she didn’t get to go backstage and that it was very poor form on my part to invite them to a party and to exclude them from one of the experiences.

I tried to explain how things played out, but she kept being aggressive - until I finally lost it and told her she had no right to call me and try to reprimand me and should instead have a talk to her daughter about how to deal with such frustrations. My husband says I should not have instigated and that, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have split the party. AITA?

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This circus saga is a classic case of good intentions tripping over group dynamics. The mom’s excitement to share a backstage glimpse with her daughter was a heartwarming birthday treat, but leaving the other kids waiting stung like a dropped juggling pin. At six, kids are quick to spot unfairness, and the mom’s snap decision—while understandable—missed a chance to include everyone or manage expectations.

Child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein explains, “Young children thrive on fairness, and exclusion can feel like a personal rejection” (source: The Center for Parenting Education). A 2023 study in Child Development notes that 65% of children aged 5–7 notice differential treatment in group settings, often internalizing it as a slight. Here, the mom’s choice to split the party, even for 20 minutes, risked making the other girls feel sidelined on a day meant to be shared.

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The other mom’s aggressive call was over the top, but her concern wasn’t baseless—kids talk, and the daughter’s chatter about her backstage adventure likely amplified the others’ hurt. The OP’s defensive retort, while sparked by frustration, missed a chance to model empathy. Klein suggests proactive communication: the mom could have asked her friend if the whole group could join or explained to the kids beforehand that the visit was a special birthday moment. Moving forward, an apology to the girls and a small gesture—like a circus-themed trinket—could smooth things over.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit swung in with a colorful mix of cheers and jeers, like a circus crowd split on the best act. Some hailed the mom for seizing a unique moment, while others tossed tomatoes for leaving the other kids out. Here’s the hot takes from the digital big top—grab a seat and enjoy the show.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. You could've simply informed your friend that you were in the company of your daughter's friends and left it up to him to decide. You also could've explained to your daughter not to keep talking about that with her friends there, so they won't feel left out.

That simple; if you really, really felt the need to only take your kid and not the others. Instead, you did in fact leave 3 other kids out, you allowed your daughter to brag about what she alone got to do, and you're surprised a bunch of 6-year-olds felt left out. You then double down on the one mom who wanted to defend her kids' feelings. Yes, YTA.

howlasinthecastle − NTA. It was 20 freaking minutes to show your daughter a once in a lifetime thing that's relevant to her special interests on her birthday. The kids were safe and still got a free night out paid by yourself.

The other kid sounds like a spoiled brat, and her mother sounds entitled and enabling. Guaranteed the other kid won't remember not going backstage, but your daughter will remember this special opportunity.

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catskilkid − YTA It was your idea to go and take your daughter and her friends (who apparently must all have been 6yo), you contacted your friend which was fine, but when he invited you and your daughter you took it on your own to determine IF he could take the others and you jumped at going without the others.

You could have said 'Hey thanks but I'm here with 3 of my daughters friend and my husband, so I don't know if we all can come in, or if you and I can just say hello.' You opted for what was easiest, an invite for yourself and your daughter.

Your husband is correct, you should not split the party, since you were the one that put the party together. You know your daughter would have been heartbroken if the situation was switched where another mother took her daughter to an even t that meant the world to her

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and then she was told to wait outside while that mother took her daughter in to meet the performers and see behind the scenes. You probably should apologize to all of the girls and their mothers. It was a nice thought to take everyone, but you BLEW IT BIG TIME abandoning the others for yours and your daughter's benefit.

sulky_leaf99 − I'm actually shocked at the YTAs, like seriously people? Get a grip. It's her daughter, it was HER trip, the other kids got to come and see a show. OP had NO obligation to bring the other kids backstage , when this wasn't a planned thing,

it was a spur of the moment decision with someone she knows PERSONALY (they follow eachother a socials) OP made no promises to bringing the other kids back stage, and the gall of one parent to complain to another parent for something so f**king miniscule?

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OP is right, she should be putting that energy into teaching her daughter how to deal with being frustrated, NOT bitching to another mom bc the kid didn't get what they wanted.... actually delusional people pls don't have children :). NTA

punkybrewsterstwin − YTA - The other child's mother was 100% correct, you don't invite children to an event and then make them wait while only your child gets to experience the best part of the event.

And then you have the audacity to tell the other mother how to parent her child in response to your hurting her child's feelings, wild! Hope you have that lesson down pat for your own daughter, for when you will be teaching her how to deal with her frustrations when she is not invited to other children's events because of your actions.

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Square-Raspberry560 − ESH. Yes it’s your daughters birthday and that means she gets some special treatment, but at such a young age where kids tend to be more sensitive, you should have known better than to invite them to go with y’all only to make them wait outside while you and your daughter did something they couldn’t.

That being said, that other mom was WAY out of line. You and your husband paid for all the expenses to take her child to a fun event. She’s acting entitled and ungrateful, and maybe in the future it would be best

iI you and your husband no longer paid for outings like this, but instead, had a small sleepover or party at home for your daughter and her friends, but saved special trips for just the three of you. If this mom asks why, tell her🤷‍♀️

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Haidrek − NTA You paid for and provided a wonderful party for a group of small children. If your husband watched the other kids, I’m hoping he knew where you were. This would be different if you had purchased a VIP ticket for yourself and your daughter only, and had planned to do this.

But this was a spontaneous interaction with an old friend. Probably the best way to sell this to the other kids’ parents is that you had an unplanned visit with a colleague you had not seen in years, and while you were reconnecting they happened to show your daughter around because it was HER birthday.

Sadly, you have to do that.. And the other mom was way out of line. If you’re at an event and someone shoots a T-shirt to you out of a cannon, you don’t throw it back because your friends didn’t get a T-shirt shot at them.

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SenSilverstorm − Unpopular opinion apparently, NTA. There are birthday and life experiences that people get individually, and nobody is under any obligation to change that just to spare people's feelings.

During a birthday, only the birthday kid gets to blow out the candles, unless the birthday kid specifically asks others to do it with them. They're under no obligation or pressure to change that and let others blow out their candles or help them blow the candles out. Same with presents.

Only the birthday kid gets to open presents on their birthday. There is no obligation or pressure for the birthday kid to allow others to do so, or even help them. And we never say anything about kids that wave around brand new shiny toys or electronics on their birthdays and brag about them

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But now it's wrong to brag about an experience that a birthday kid got on their birthday, specifically because it was their birthday nonetheless? Nope. Your daughter got to go backstage at a show that you took her to for her birthday.

The whys and how's don't matter, since it could have been that you could have gotten her backstage passes for her birthday since she's the birthday kid and not gotten them for others. It wouldn't have mattered.

TrifleMeNot − NTA. Kids got a free show. 6 yo crying! I'm SHOCKED!... as if they’ll remember it next month.

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rayschoon − I’m gonna say NTA to be honest. You could’ve asked, but I get why you didn’t want to. I also just don’t think it’s that big of a deal that your daughter got to do something cool on her birthday that her friends didn’t t

These Reddit gems toss a playful question into the ring: was the backstage visit a birthday star’s solo spotlight, or a misstep that dimmed the group’s shine? The community’s divided, but real life’s trickier—sometimes a quick fix can keep everyone in the act.

This story flips and twists like a trapeze act, balancing a mom’s love for her daughter against the sting of exclusion. The backstage visit was a magical gift, but a little foresight could’ve kept the whole party smiling. Should the mom make amends or stand by her spontaneous choice? Drop your thoughts in the comments—what would you do to keep the circus fun for everyone?

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