AITA for taking down pictures from a wall collage my daughter was making?

A parent recently shared a family dilemma online after disciplining their teenage daughter during a tense moment with her younger sister. The situation unfolded on the younger child’s birthday, when a small misunderstanding quickly escalated into a bigger family conflict.

The parent believed they were simply teaching respect and kindness between siblings. However, after revealing how they punished their older daughter, many readers argued that the punishment ignored an important issue: a teenager’s need for personal space and boundaries.

‘AITA for taking down pictures from a wall collage my daughter was making?’

The parent explained that their teenage daughter never bonded with her much younger sister.

My older daughter Heather(15) doesn’t like her sister Olivia(5) due to the age gap. My husband and I have tried everything to get them to bond, especially since Olivia looks...

But nothing is working and Heather just wants to stay away from her sister and for her sister to stay away from her. It was Olivia’s birthday yesterday, but since...

Instead, just a cake and family dinner. Heather participated without any hiccups, and then went to her room to make her wall collage.

Olivia wanted to play with her sister and went into her room. Heather was taping some pictures to her wall and Olivia wanted to help.

Heather reluctantly let her tape a couple of the pictures on the wall but when Olivia started to accidentally crumple a couple of the paper cutouts Heather was taping to...

The parent quickly stepped in and scolded the teen for yelling at her sister.

I wasn’t too far away so I knew what the girls were doing. I immediately went to scold Heather for being mean to her sister on her birthday.

She told me that I always turned a blind eye to her sister encroaching upon her personal space and that she was done pampering the baby, who isn’t even a...

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I told Heather family doesn’t have boundaries and that she had to be nicer to her sister, who only wanted her love and affection.

Heather rolled her eyes and said she never asked for such a large age gap. I told her that her paper cutouts were temporary, but family is forever.

The parents later removed the collage pictures as punishment, which sparked debate online.

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My husband and I tried to make the rest of Olivia’s birthday a good one, and we took down Heather’s pictures from her wall collage as punishment.

But was that an AH move? We know Heather is just an angsty teen, but we’ve had enough with the way she treats her sister.

EDIT: I had to step away for a while to work but saw all the comments. I can’t reply to each one individually but I’ll clarify that.

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1. Heather and Olivia are full siblings, my husband and I are their bio parents

2. You’re all overreaching and reading too much into my sentiment about family having no boundaries by implying s__ual abuse from family members and watching each other showed and change.

I only meant that doors shouldn’t be locked because we don’t lock each other out, we include each other and there shouldn’t be secrets and shutting off. If you’re a...

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Conflicts between siblings with large age gaps are extremely common. Teenagers are at a stage where independence and personal space become important, while younger children often seek attention and admiration from older siblings. When these needs clash, frustration can quickly build on both sides.

In this situation, the older daughter expressed a clear concern about her personal space. She allowed her younger sister to help at first, which suggests she tried to cooperate, yet became upset when her project was accidentally damaged. From a developmental perspective, creative projects such as a wall collage can serve as a personal outlet for teenagers, especially during stressful periods like a pandemic. Removing it as punishment may feel less like discipline and more like invalidating her feelings.

At the same time, parents often want to encourage kindness between siblings and may worry when one child rejects another’s attempts to connect. However, forcing closeness can sometimes have the opposite effect. Healthy family relationships usually grow from mutual respect, including acknowledging that each child may need different levels of space and interaction.

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Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Many users strongly supported the teenager, saying the punishment ignored her need for privacy and respect.

hrowawayaccountgangg − YTA. YTA. YTA. "Family doesnt have boundaries" what an incredibly creepy and toxic thing to say. She has a right to privacy. She could been nicer but 6...

You all should work on respecting her privacy if you want her to be open at ALL when she starts gaining independence. Taking down her collage was an AH move...

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darkestshadeofblue21 − YTA. Having a young sibling can be insanely frustrating, especially with such a large gap, and even more so during a pandemic when you’re stuck together even more...

it sounds like her collage wall is a valuable form of self-expression for her, and might help her relieve some stress.

she has a right to be upset if something important to her is damaged. maybe she shouldn’t have yelled, but you had no right to take down pictures from her...

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Teletubbie020 − YTA You only gave Heather another reason to dislike Olivia. Maybe talk to your kid instead of giving her quotes from pinterest.

basicallyabasic − YTA - families most definitely CAN and SHOULD have boundaries and you need to respect your the ones your older daughter wants.

fakemonalisa − YTA. I told Heather family doesn’t have boundaries Yes, it does. Punishing your daughter for putting up boundaries is a great way to end up with that child...

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Some readers offered more balanced takes, acknowledging both the parents’ intentions and the teen’s frustration.

Virulencer − YTA. I feel like there are a lot of subtleties that you aren't picking up on about why you are being an a__hole. First, the age gap makes...

Forcing them to bond is only going to make it more difficult. A teenager doesn't want to hang out with a little kid all the time. That doesn't mean they...

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Second, Heather is telling you exactly what is wrong and what is going on. She wants personal space and entertaining a 5 year old all the time isn't providing her...

Lastly, families DO have boundaries. You are being very cognizant of Olivis's needs but it seems to be to the detriment of Heather's. You have two daughters and they both...

glom4ever − YTA A lot of teenagers would find spending time with 5 year old exhausting and you punishing her for not wanting to spend more time (after birthday celebration)...

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And yes family does have boundaries, I don't know why you think they don't because there are a lot of things families do not do together I would happily provide...

A few commenters lightened the mood with slightly humorous observations about sibling dynamics.

JustNoThrowsAway − YTA for multiple reasons. .. I told Heather family doesn’t have boundaries Healthy families most definitely *do* have boundaries. I told her that her paper cutouts were temporary,...

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Not with the way you're treating Heather. She's going to end up going no contact with you as soon as she's able if this story of yours is indicative of...

we took down Heather’s pictures from her wall collage as punishment Yeah, that's completely an a__hole move. Shame on you and your husband.

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There are better ways to teach your daughters to get along with each other that don't stomp on anyone's boundaries,

don't involve stealing pictures from your child, and don't continue allowing one child free range over everything. Find a family therapist, please.

BazlarTheGnome − 3-5 years from now when you want to post on Reddit about why your oldest daughter no longer talks to you or come home to visit,

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come back and read this post for your answer. "Families don't have boundaries" this automatically makes you TA . Learn how to respect someone's space! YTA!

False-Explanation702 − "family doesn't have boundaries" YTA

This story highlights a common family challenge: balancing a younger child’s desire for attention with a teenager’s need for independence. The parents wanted their daughters to bond and hoped to encourage kindness, yet their approach raised questions about respecting personal space.

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Situations like this often spark strong opinions. Should parents push siblings to spend time together, or allow relationships to develop naturally over time? And when conflicts happen between children of very different ages, what kind of discipline truly helps both feel understood?

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