AITA for taking back my husband’s gift after he lost me a big promotion?

Jonathan Hours
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In a lively work party filled with clinking glasses and corporate chatter, a woman’s dreams of a promotion shatter. After years of overcoming a troubled past in foster care and sealing her juvenile record, she’s blindsided when her husband, loosened by a few drinks, spills her history to the CEO. The fallout is swift: her promised raise and leadership role vanish, leaving her heartbroken and betrayed.

Furious, she cancels a hefty payment for an expensive watch she’d promised him, citing her lost income. He erupts, calling her petty and demanding she honor her word. As their home grows cold with silence, she wonders if her reaction was too harsh. Was she wrong to pull back the gift after his reckless words cost her so much? This Reddit saga dives into trust, betrayal, and the weight of past promises.

‘AITA for taking back my husband’s gift after he lost me a big promotion?’

When I (32f) was a teenager, I had to go into foster care. The next few years were pretty bad and I ended up doing some things that I'm not proud of, and getting myself into some serious legal trouble. I don't want to go into detail, but I shaped up and managed to avoid completely destroying my life.

A few years later, I aged out and reunited with my older brother who helped me get my record sealed. He also helped me get into college, and now I'm working in a field I'm passionate about in a job I love where i met my husband (34m). I've been up for a promotion and raise, and it was more or less guaranteed until now.

Weekend before last, we had a work party during which my husband got to talking with our CEO and, after having a bit too much to drink, told him about my juvenile history. The next Monday, I got called in by my boss and was told my promotion would not be happening. I asked why they would do this, and he recounted my history to me in excruciating detail, to the extent that I couldn't even plead ignorance or claim it was untrue.

He was sympathetic, but the higher-ups had made it clear that under no circumstances could I be rewarded due to the breach of trust on my part (I said I had no record when I interviewed), and the financial nature of some of my past mistakes. He said it was a leadership responsibility they were not ready to trust me with, and that I could keep my job but that was it.

I was heartbroken and I felt my husband betrayed me. We got into a massive fight and he has apologised profusely and asked me to forgive him because he wasn't in his right mind. Yesterday, I cancelled a very large debit transfer which I'd promised towards an expensive piece I was getting him as a gift for his timepiece collection.

I made the offer when we knew I would be getting promoted, and now that I'm not getting my raise, I just don't want to take that much out of my savings. He hit the roof when he found out, because he's now stuck with a huge bill, and accused me of being petty and dishonest for continuing to punish him for a mistake he's already apologised for.

I told him that he should have thought of that before opening his mouth at the party. He said that while he's sorry I lost the promotion, I have enough savings to do the honorable thing and keep my promise, and that I of all people should understand the importance of forgiveness and second chances.

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I messed up, and I paid for it, and I've worked really hard to forgive myself and put my past behind me. I don't think it's fair that over a decade later, I'm still being punished for something I've already paid for, even if he did so by accident. I don't think I'm the a**hole given what he did, but he's currently not speaking to me. I could use some objectivity here.

The husband’s drunken disclosure of his wife’s sealed record was a profound betrayal. Workplace psychologist Dr. Amy Cooper Hakim notes, “Trust in professional settings hinges on discretion; breaches can irreparably harm careers” . His actions not only cost her a promotion but also reopened old wounds from her past, undermining her hard-earned stability.

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This reflects a broader issue: the impact of spousal sabotage on career progression. A 2023 study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior found 41% of employees report workplace setbacks due to personal disclosures by partners . His claim that she should “forgive” and fund the gift dismisses the gravity of his actions. Dr. Hakim advises couples to set boundaries around sensitive information. The wife might explore legal recourse for her sealed record’s misuse .

For solutions, the couple could pursue counseling to rebuild trust. She might consult an employment lawyer to challenge the promotion denial. Canceling the gift was a fair response to her financial loss—she deserves support, not guilt.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit lit up with outrage, slamming the husband’s betrayal and cheering the wife’s stand. From questioning his motives to urging legal action, here’s what they said:

LoveBeach8 - NTA Please check with an attorney about your boss rescinding your promotion. If your records were sealed, the contents, even if revealed by your spouse, shouldn't be held against you. You may have a legal case. EDIT: OP was a teenager and that could make a difference, depending on where they live and the laws there.

[Reddit User] - NTA. First of all, you lost a promotion and can't afford to spend large amounts of money on gifts. You shouldn't be spending your savings on gifts. What if your boss now tries to get rid of you? You'll need that money to live on while looking for a new job. If you don't get fired, you'll need it for retirement or for buying a house/car/whatever.. Also, why would you want to give your husband a gift after what he did?

I don't believe for ONE SECOND that your husband torpedoed your career because of having had too much to drink. I'm in a profession where it's totally normal for people to drink themselves under the table--literally--and I've never seen anyone ruin anyone else's career. This was deliberate.

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Either he is afraid you'll become too independent/successful and will stop relying on him or will spend less time at home or he is jealous of your success. It's just incredible that your husband thinks he can apologize and now you're petty because you're not 'over' it.

I really make an effort not to automatically say 'dump him' because I know situations are rarely as simple as they have to be when someone has limited words and space to describe a problem. But I'm telling you to dump him. What he did plus his reaction to what he did--STILL trying to pressure and guilt you into paying for him--is simply disgusting.

HeartpineFloors - You did not lie when you applied for your current job. A sealed juvenile record is supposed to be just that—SEALED. Unfortunately you are married to a jerk who decided to UN-seal it for some reason…and that bears a long, hard look. Drunk? Give me a break. Shots of tequila didn’t make him just “accidentally” blurt to your boss that you got into trouble as a teenager.

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Why that subject out of all the stupid and embarrassing things he might have said? “Hey, Fred, that loser over there that you’re about to promote has a record of ____.” No, your husband wanted to s**ew you over and all it took was some liquid courage for him to do what he wanted to do.

Maybe he didn’t realize he’d also lose out on his pricey little bauble as a result of taking his wife down a peg or two. NTA and good luck on ever getting ahead with that knife sticking out of your back. It’s a bad look.

Forward_Squirrel8879 - NTA - First of all, your husband is an AH and clearly jealous of your success. There is no other reason that he would bring this up to your CEO - drunk or not. You do not need to pay for his fancy watch. You no longer being able to afford to contribute to his watch is a direct consequence of HIS actions.

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You already paid for your past actions and you should not have to keep doing so. Second, talk to an employment lawyer. I can't say for sure, but I would guess that with the record having been sealed and you being a minor at the time of the offenses there was no legal need for you to disclose this information when you were hired and they should not be able to penalize you for it now.

Ligmaballzss - NTA. This would honestly make me question a lot of s**t about my marriage. He ruined your chances at a promotion and now he’s acting victim because you won’t give him money. He thinks the deposit is far more important than your promotion. I’d think long and hard here.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Honestly, I think your company are being assholes, too, and you might want to talk to a lawyer about whether they can hold a sealed record against you like this. (Or at the very least, whether you’re liable to run into similar issues if you don’t disclose to your next employer, since it sounds like things are well and truly screwed here.) But your husband is not a teenager.

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He had no business getting so drunk at a work function that he couldn’t control his mouth regardless of what he said. And the fact he’s more upset over a timepiece you can no longer afford (and definitely shouldn’t be dipping into savings over when you may need those sooner rather than later) than what he’s cost you as a result of a situation he should have known better than to get you both into speaks volumes.

stacity - NTA He sabotaged your career and he thinks just saying sorry is enough? Plus he’s kicking you while you’re down for not buying his gift? What more does he want? A side of fries for this combo of his own doing? Honey, you trusted this man and used this against you!

Accomplished-Mud2840 - NTA. I think your husband is sabotaging you. Take a long look at your relationship. I’m sure you can see this type of destructive behavior in other areas of your relationship.

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TCTX73 - NTA, you offered the gift contingent on a big pay raise. He lost you said raise, so now that amount would become a financial burden for you. Since he blabbed YOUR history (seriously, who does that???) he can eat the entirety of the bill. Speaking of his gossiping about his WIFE, what the heck with that? Who else does he gossip about your past with? He can't be trusted with your secrets, what else can he not be trusted with?

PrimalSeptimus - NTA. This was not just a promotion he sabotaged but your entire upward trajectory at this company. I've heard many a story of people's spouses putting their careers in jeopardy by acting the fool around upper management at parties. Like, maybe don't drink if you have no self-control, folks!

These Reddit takes roast the husband’s actions, but do they miss the complexity of forgiveness in marriage?

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This tale of a drunken slip and a canceled gift exposes the fragile line between trust and betrayal. The wife’s decision to pull back the watch was a practical response to a shattered career milestone, not pettiness. Her husband’s demand for forgiveness rings hollow against the cost of his words. How would you handle a partner’s mistake that derailed your dreams? Share your thoughts below!

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