AITA for taking back a toy from another kid at a birthday party?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a sunlit backyard buzzing with the chaos of a 5-year-old’s birthday party—balloons bobbing, kids shrieking, and the scent of cake in the air. Amid the joy, a small drama unfolded when John, the birthday boy, clutched his new RC car, only to have it swiped by another kid, Adrian. The scene turned tense as John’s tears sparked a bold move by a watchful relative, who swooped in to right the wrong, unaware of the awkward ripples it would cause.

This moment, though small, ignites big questions about kids, sharing, and grown-up responsibilities. The relative’s choice to reclaim John’s gift left Adrian’s parents fuming, casting a shadow over the party. Was it a heroic stand for a kid’s special day or a step too far? Dive into this tale of loyalty, boundaries, and party politics that’s got everyone talking.

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‘AITA for taking back a toy from another kid at a birthday party?’

We had guests over for my 5-year-old second cousin’s birthday party (let’s call him John). Another kid at the party, around the same age, was also there — a distant relative (let’s call him Adrian). Someone gifted John a really cool RC car, and he was so excited that he took it to his room to open it before the official gift opening.

Adrian followed him into the room. A couple of minutes later, I saw Adrian walking out with the RC car, trying to unbox it himself — and his dad was helping him insert batteries and everything. I went to check on John and found him in his room looking upset, saying “Adrian took my car.”

I was honestly pretty annoyed, so I went up to Adrian’s dad and told him that John was crying. I then took the toy back and returned it to John. Later I heard Adrian’s parents were upset with me. I didn’t say anything, but the rest of the party felt awkward.. AITA for stepping in and taking the toy back?

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A child’s birthday party can turn into a mini battlefield when toys and emotions collide. The OP’s decision to reclaim John’s RC car from Adrian highlights a clash of values: protecting a child’s joy versus navigating social etiquette. Adrian’s dad, enabling the toy grab, ignored John’s feelings, while the OP prioritized the birthday boy’s right to his gift. It’s a classic case of boundaries—or lack thereof.

This scenario reflects broader issues in teaching kids about sharing. A 2018 study from the Journal of Child Development found that forced sharing can undermine a child’s sense of autonomy (src: childdevelopment.org). Kids need to learn consent, not entitlement. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, says, “Sharing should be a choice, not a mandate. Forcing it teaches kids their boundaries don’t matter” (ahaparenting.com).

Analysis: Adrian’s parents modeled poor behavior by supporting his actions, potentially fostering entitlement. The OP’s intervention, though abrupt, upheld John’s right to his gift. Advice: Parents should guide kids to ask for turns and respect “no.” If you’re in the OP’s shoes, calmly explain the toy’s importance to the birthday child.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got opinions spicier than birthday cake frosting. From clapping back at Adrian’s dad to cheering the OP’s stand, the community didn’t hold back. Check out their takes:

Possible_juror − NTA. It bothers the hell out of me when people force their kids to share or expect other kids to give up a toy they’re playing with because the other kid wants it. “John make sure you give the toy to Adrian. You have to share, be a good boy” vs “If you want a turn, you can ask. John is having his turn right now.”

If another adult was having a sandwich, would they be scolded if I came up and tried to take it, oh you have to share? No! Anyways, you’re nta. If you did that to my kid/for my kid I would probably thank you for stepping in so I didn’t have to. Sounds like you’re the better parent for Adrian than whatever the others are doing, if you’d even call that parenting..

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ETA/ so glad other people agree with sharing! My personal way to manage it is getting the other child to find another toy and suggesting they ask to trade. Either the kid will get a toy and forget about the toy or they’ll bring it over and mine will trade.

1AliceDerland − NTA. Pretty much the exact same thing just happened at my daughter's bday party, same age and everything. Sometimes kids have a hard time remembering it's someone else's special day, the dad should've told his kid that wasn't his new toy to open.

MageVicky − NTA Adrian's dad, on the other hand, huuuge AH! How dare he open another kid's present and help his son start playing with it? wtf???? who does that???? Now you know who \*not\* to invite, next time.

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MyPath2Follow − NTA. I hate the way some people teach the concept of sharing. Should we learn to share? Yes. But sharing isn't some kid just TAKING your toy, it's respecting a no, accepting boundaries and YOU making the choice to share. Ultimately I feel like we end up teaching our kids to be doormats sometimes by telling them they are wrong for saying no to something like this. Good on you for standing up for him imo.

Final-Success2523 − NTA Adrian sounds like a brat. Good job looking out for John

driving_song − When I was little a friend pitched an ungodly fit when I shared my birthday present with everyone. It was paint your own suncatchers. Huge equestrian since I can remember, so I wanted the big horse one. You know…from my own birthday gift. I ended up having to give it to the girl pitching a fit.

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I literally cannot remember ever having a legit birthday party where it was actually about me and not sharing the party with another person whose birthday was close-ish or another holiday like Father’s Day. In fact my birthday has been so s**t for so long, I don’t even care to celebrate it anymore.. So, all of that to say, NTA. I’m so glad you stood up for John and helped him get back his toy.

Leland_Gaunt_ − NTA you had to step in because the incompetent parents wouldn’t. My child is only a little toddler but I spend half my playdates returning toys he’s stolen to the children playing with them. It’s just manners, little people have to learn. Someone has to teach them

Competitive-Use1360 − The only AH here is the brat dad for enabling him to steal the car.

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rgvtim − NTA, I am sorry Adrian's dad put you in that position.

rojita369 − NTA. Adrian’s parents are AHs and they’re raising an entitled little AH with that attitude. Sharing is great when it’s consensual, but we don’t force adults to “share” their personal belongings. There’s no reason to force a child to.

These hot takes light up the debate, but are they on point or missing the mark? One thing’s sure—Reddit’s all about calling out bad party manners.

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This birthday party saga is a pint-sized lesson in big emotions. The OP’s quick move to save John’s RC car sparked cheers and glares, showing how fast a kid’s joy can turn into grown-up drama. It’s a reminder that teaching sharing is trickier than it looks. What would you do if you saw a kid swipe another’s birthday gift? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this party puzzle together!

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