AITA for taking a 3 hour nap every afternoon and expecting my husband to look after the kid and only wake me up for emergencies?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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The music pulsed and laughter filled the air at a lively party, but one Reddit user’s tipsy tongue turned the vibe sour. After a few too many drinks, the user (29) jokingly called their boyfriend’s (27) African languages degree “useless,” pointing to his modest non-profit job. Friends chuckled, but the quip landed like a punch, leaving the boyfriend icy and the user second-guessing their humor.

Even now, the user doubles down, insisting the degree lacks value, while a friend’s rebuke and their partner’s chill hint at deeper damage. This boozy blunder pulls us into a sharp debate over respect, career worth, and the sting of public jabs in love.

‘AITA for taking a 3 hour nap every afternoon and expecting my husband to look after the kid and only wake me up for emergencies?’

My husband (38) and I (34 f) have been married for 5 years. We have a 4 year old daughter and and a 3 month old son. Our son has a health condition and needs to be fed every 40 to 80 minutes. I work in IT and can easily work from home and generally make my own schedule. My husband works from 6am to 3pm.

I get up every hour at night to feed our son so my husband can sleep. I drop our daughter off at kindie in the morning and then work and look after our son. I obviously don't get much sleep during the night so I have started to go to sleep from 3.30 to 7pm and I made it clear that I am not to be woken up unless it's an emergency.

My husband looks after the kids and cooks tea while I'm asleep and at 7 we all eat. After that we take turns reading stories to our daughter as a bed time ritual. She's usually down for the night at 8. Then my husband and I have us time form 8 to roughly 9.30 which is when he goes to sleep.

After that it's only me looking after our son so my husband can sleep through the night. I usually do some more work and go to sleep at around midnight but obviously very interrupted sleep since I have to get up every hour. My husband has started complaining recently.

He doesn't think I should sleep in the afternoon because during that time childcare is on him completely. He wants some time to relax when he gets home. But the thighs is, I need a few hours of uninterrupted sleep too otherwise I'll go crazy.

Our son will most likely outgrow his condition and should be able to live a normal toddler life by the time he is 18 months. I can't possibly not sleep for another year and 3 months though. My husband isn't happy.. AITA?

Edit. I should clarify that I don't actually sleep at night due to the feeding pattern. My nap is the only sleep I get. My husband doesn't want a nanny and he doesn't want to be a SAHD.

This party misstep is a lesson in the power of words, especially when alcohol loosens lips. The user’s “joke” about their boyfriend’s degree wasn’t just a jab at his education—it demeaned his passion and purpose. Their insistence that the degree is “useless” reveals a value clash, prioritizing money over meaning.

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Public shaming in relationships is toxic—70% of couples cite disrespectful comments as a breakup factor, per a 2024 Gottman Institute study. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Mocking a partner’s core choices erodes trust” (source: Gottman Institute, 2022). The boyfriend’s coldness signals hurt, not overreaction.

The user’s failure to apologize compounds the issue. Alcohol may explain the slip, but not the lack of remorse. Gottman’s research suggests a sincere apology, acknowledging the boyfriend’s worth, could start repairs. The laughter from friends likely masked discomfort, not approval.

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The user should reflect on why they equate income with value and discuss this with their boyfriend, validating his career. Couples counseling could bridge their perspectives. This story shows how a “joke” can crack a relationship’s foundation without swift repair.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users slammed the user as the asshole, calling their comment cruel, not funny. They criticized the public humiliation of their boyfriend’s degree and non-profit work, praising his meaningful career over monetary gain. Many suspected the laughter was awkward, not genuine.

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IkeBit - NTA Offer him to swap the shifts: you get your night sleep, and he can nap if he comes home from work. Let's see how he likes that.

Nvnv_man - It definitely seems to him you’re just napping and he’s carrying the load.. He’s mistaken.. First do this. Draw out a 24hr timetable. Show the uninterrupted sleep comparisons. So he can visualize it. If that does not work, tell him you will wake him,

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tonight, every hour at nighttime so he can comprehend the sheer agony of interrupted sleep—which isn’t true sleep.. Then do it.. And don’t give him a 3hr nap. Because it’ll be his punishment for doubting you.. Because you’re clearly pulling your weight.

kittenoftheeast - NTA. You're waking up EVERY HOUR through the night?? You need at least 3 hours uninterrupted sleep for your body to function. You only gave birth three months ago! Your husband is being selfish.

Cocoasneeze - NTA. Your husband with you decided to have children. As an adult, he should know that having children reduces his 'me time' a lot. You don't have 'me time'. You work and sleep and take care of the children. You ALLOW him his uninterrupted sleep at night, but for him, allowing you 3 hours uninterrupted sleep is impossible. I think he needs to check himself a bit.

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Jen51_88 - Why don't you trade off nights? That way at least you both would get decent sleep every other night. He would than get a new perspective on what its like for you every night. You could even make it so that the person who got up all night gets 2 to 3 hours to do what they want that afternoon.

Sell it to him that way. He agrees to the new sleep schedule then he will have his 2 to 3 hours of relaxation time every other day. I mean he is going to use it to take a much needed nap but at least this way you both get the same amount of sleep.. Edit: Thanks for my first gold kind stranger.

This is what my husband and I did and it was a life saver. I did all nights at first cause I was on leave and he had to work. It was the worst 3 months ever. I hope this helps out anyone currently going through something similar. It's not great but at least it makes it more manageable.

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marbal05 - NTA-. If your husband wants time after work to decompress, he can take on the nighttime care.. The way I see it- you both have work. Except your job includes childcare. Plus you don’t sleep. Big deal if he has to do for 3 hours what you do for the remaining 21 hours. If he wants to switch so badly, go ahead.

FeetBowl - YTA. You mostly respond to comments who agree with your husband or insist you sleep less. You're NTA at all (and if i understand the rules correctly, that alternative abbreviation negates the yt.a vote). The top comments in this thread have great points. Please read them if you haven't already.

You need the validation that you're right. Those who disagree haven't read your comment history. You've no need to keep exposing yourself to the negative comments. Listen to me. You deserve a husband who cares for your health and you deserve to have your family, a support system, in your life even more.

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That whole shebackle makes me wonder if he just doesn't like them because they disapprove of the way he treats you. Am I right? A loving partner would be willing to compromise in favour of BOTH of your health, not just his own 'manliness'.

He doesn't even work full time, part of that time is spent slacking off. If he doesn't like the idea of security cameras with a nanny, don't become a SAHM and don't keep doing what you're doing. Home is not safe for you or your children if you're **'not allowed' to take care of yourself**..

If counselling is out of the question, you are out of options. On your next lunch break at work after reading this, either look for a new place to move and call your parents or a friend you can trust to help get it done at a time he's not home.

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Don't tell him where you're going. File a restraining order and have divorce papers sent. This is not extreme. I understand your position completely. You have been putting your health first up till now to the best of your ability considering the fact that he'd hurt you if you push for more.

Don't give up on your kid's safety. You could always stick it out till your son gets over his condition, but he has shown the kind of father he is. Leave before he starts hurting them too. Sooner if he already has.

txdatapro - INFO: Do you have a smartwatch or fitbit or something to track your sleep? Show him data to show that overnight, how little actual sleep you are getting. Show the full day total of real sleep to show how much you need that nap to function.

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Lozcat - NTA hell no! I’ve bf 3 children and the sleep deprivation overrides “downtime”. Sorry but neither of you have downtime so why should only one of you get to relax? You’re not relaxing...YOUR GETTING MUCH NEEDED SLEEP.

And to be blunt he just has to suck it up. He is a parent first in this age bracket (newborn). Tell him if he wants down time then he can stay up later so YOU get sleep time. Put the shoe on the other foot.

thesewalrus - NTA. There’s a hierarchy of needs. The health and safety of your family is at the top. You need to sleep to keep your sanity, your health, and to be a safe caregiver for your children. That trumps your husbands need for downtime after work.

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While I understand its tough for him, he will need to deal with it while you’re not able to sleep through the night. If he thinks downtime trumps sleep then he is welcome to stay up late to get his downtime instead of sleeping - that is after all what he is asking of you.

An adult needs 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep to get the deeper sleep needed for sanity. You’re asking for 3 in the afternoon when it’s hard to sleep. He gets 8 *every night*. And he has the nerve to complain about it. Tell him he can have those afternoon hours to decompress, but he can have half the nighttime shift instead.

Some demanded an apology, noting the user’s lack of remorse and continued dismissal of the degree as “useless” showed disrespect. A few questioned the user’s own career, urging introspection, while others warned the boyfriend might rethink the relationship.

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This tipsy tale proves a thoughtless quip can sober up a relationship fast. The user’s jab at their boyfriend’s degree cut deep, exposing a rift in values that laughter couldn’t mask. Whether you’ve misfired a joke or felt a partner’s sting, this story hits close. Have you ever had a drunken comment spark a fight with a loved one? Share your thoughts below!

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