AITA for suing my ex for child support that I don’t need?

A courtroom battle over child support has ignited a family feud, but the stakes go beyond money. A lawyer, financially secure, is suing her ex, now a high-earning surgeon, to increase his meager $50 monthly contribution for their daughter’s future. Her goal? A robust college fund. Yet, friends and family brand her greedy, questioning why she’d pursue funds she doesn’t “need.”

This Reddit tale, crackling with moral tension, pulls us into a clash of duty, fairness, and perception. The mother’s resolve to secure her daughter’s right to her father’s wealth, despite her own success, paints a vivid picture of a woman fighting for principle over pride. It’s a story that hooks with its ethical dilemma, inviting us to explore the true purpose of child support.

‘AITA for suing my ex for child support that I don’t need?’

My ex and I split when he was a resident. Now he's a surgeon. I'm a lawyer, so I make good money on my own. I have custody of our daughter and he has visitation every other weekend. He's been paying me a small amount child support that I've been using for treats or putting into a college fund.

However, now that he is a surgeon, he's making significantly more, and I'm taking him to court for an adjustment. A lot of friends and family are calling me greedy for pursuing child support when I could raise her easily without it, but I think I'm entitled to the money so I can grow her college fund faster. AITA?

Since I have written it 100 times in the comments, my ex chose this custody arrangement and has declined to work this out in mediation. He currently pays $50/month, as is standard for a non custodial parent making under $50k/year. Ok, I’m done with this post.

Those of you who are saying things like “NTA if you REALLY spend it on your child,” I urge you to reassess why you implicitly think I’m being deceptive with what I’ve said here. Those of you calling me a greedy b**ch and think men shouldn’t be obligated to pay for their own kids, I implore you to reassess your views on women, but I know it won’t matter :)

Child support disputes often stir strong emotions, and this mother’s legal pursuit highlights the principle behind the payments: a child’s right to benefit from both parents’ resources. Her ex’s minimal $50 monthly contribution, unchanged despite his surgeon’s salary, falls short of his obligation, while her financial independence doesn’t negate his responsibility. The backlash labeling her “greedy” reflects a common misconception that child support is for the custodial parent’s benefit.

Child support laws prioritize children’s welfare. A 2023 report from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that support payments are adjusted based on income changes in 80% of cases involving significant earnings increases. The ex’s refusal to mediate or adjust payments voluntarily, as noted by the mother, justifies her legal action.

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Family law expert Karen Covy advises, “Child support is about equity for the child, not the parents’ lifestyles”. The mother’s plan to save the funds for college aligns with this principle. Critics’ gender-biased assumptions, as she notes, unfairly question her motives.

For resolution, mediation could still be explored to avoid court drama, with clear terms for future adjustments. The mother might communicate her intent to family to counter misconceptions.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users dove into this child support saga with passionate takes, serving up support and sharp critiques like a heated courtroom debate. Here’s a glimpse of the community’s fiery reactions:

jwawczak − NTA, child support is your kid's money.

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thither_and_yon − NAH. It's not greedy to get your child the money that child is entitled to. Child support is not intended to make the mother's life easier or fill her needs, so it's irrelevant whether it does that for you or not. It's for the child. Putting it in a college fund is entirely appropriate.

Dan_Tahlis − NTA The fact is he is the father and is equally responsible for the costs associated with the child. That fact that you dont need it is mute, especially if you're a great parent and are setting that money aside for college and/or your child future.

pftmehsloth − NTA. But not for the reasons you’ve given. Child support isn’t YOUR right. It’s your daughters right. If he’s making more, then your daughter deserves the adjustment to better her own life.

It’s not fair for him to make more and have a better lifestyle and his daughter doesn’t receive any benefit. So if you get the adjustment, which you probably will, then put that money to good use for your daughter.

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too_many_gatos − NTA She's not just YOUR daughter, she's his daughter too which means that its his financial responsibility to support her in accordance to his salary. You are already paying more than he is if your daughter lives with you (housing, healthcare, food, etc).

Its only fair for him to up his child support and even then it wont come close to what you already contribute. He doesn't get a get-out-of-jail-free-card just because your income is good. He is a grown ass adult with adult responsibilities.

golgothaterrors − NTA. She's his child. The money is going towards his child that he is obliged to pay a proportional amount of his income towards raising. Unless upping his child support is going to put him in financial hardship or something, which I assume it won't, then it makes perfect sense to ask for an appropriate increase to go into her college fund.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Just because you are on top of your life doesn't mean he can escape his financial responsibilities. If my wife ever divorced with me, I would be proud to continue providing for my children.

brandi_r − NTA. I’m also a lawyer in Canada that does a lot of family law. We have strict guidelines for support. It is the norm for us to have child support adjuster every year based on the payor parent’s income. If you go up $10k, expect an adjustment for the year. If you go down, you can expect an adjustment.

I don’t think you’re the a**hole for getting increased support for your daughter. I feel it’s a little assholeish of your ex to not offer more now that he knows he’s earning more. He should be very upfront with his income changes because it’s for the benefit of your daughter that there be disclosure.

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candytastefuntime − NTA. Wages go up, child support goes up. End of story. Its his legal obligation.

morgan_greywolf − NTA. Your ex is legally on the hook to pay for half your child's growth and development. Asking him to pony up isn't morally wrong, whether you need the cash or not. It's really that simple and I'd bet most of those trying to attach strings to it such as 'every penny must be used for ... blah blah...' isn't a parent.

These Reddit opinions bring the heat, but do they miss the ex’s perspective? Is the mother principled, or pushing too far?

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This story of a mother’s legal fight for her daughter’s financial future weaves a tale of duty clashing with societal judgment. Her pursuit of increased child support, despite her own wealth, raises a question: when does seeking a child’s right become “greedy” in others’ eyes? Share your thoughts—what would you do if you could secure more for your child, even if you didn’t need it?

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