AITA For suggesting that my wife switch to Formula so I could have more time with our son?

Gregory Houston Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy nursery bathed in soft moonlight, a new father paces, his heart heavy with longing to cradle his newborn son. The gentle hum of a lullaby is drowned out by tension as he clashes with his wife over their infant’s feeding. This Reddit tale unfolds with a husband’s desperate plea for bonding time, sparking a fiery debate about fairness, parenting, and respect. Readers are drawn into a whirlwind of emotions—his frustration, her exhaustion—wondering where the line between support and control lies in this delicate dance of new parenthood.

The story captures a universal struggle: balancing parental roles under pressure. The husband’s push for formula feeding to “share” time with his son ignites a storm of Reddit reactions, questioning his motives and sensitivity. With vivid stakes—family harmony, a baby’s well-being—this narrative hooks readers, inviting them to ponder: who’s truly in the right?

‘AITA For suggesting that my wife switch to Formula so I could have more time with our son?’

So my wife (f24) and I (m27) had our son 3 months ago. Luckily as new parents we've had less issues compared to others in our family BUT what really created an issue was the fact that my wife gets wAyyyy more bonding time with my son than I do.

She breastfeeds and doesn't let me come anywhere near her while she's doing it claiming she was already in pain and I was making her stressed out with my behavior. She'd promise to let me have my bonding time once she's done but she takes a long time feeding and then the baby goes to sleep so I get pretty much,...almost, NO time to bond with him.

It all came to head for me last night after my wife told me to leave the room while she was feeding our son cause I was '''bothering,,, her and making her feel '''stressed out,,, with my '''judgemental,,, comments, but I was just making sure she was feeding our son properly since she's dealing with stress and possible ppd and so I had to **(not under doctor's recommendation though but,

following my mom's advice)** be present in every feeding session to make sure nothing goes wrong and...like I said before maybe get a chance to bond with my son but it didn't end well and I refused to leave the room. She tried to unload on me about how unsupportive,

and difficult I was being but I told her she was wrong to exclude me and take away my attempt at bonding with my son and that it's only fair that I get to have equal time she has with him and suggested that she switch to formula so she has no way of keeping me excluded and again so I could get 50% of the time she has with him.

She called me unreasonable and explained that even though I'm the parent too she as a mother is essentially what our son needs and relies on so her role is more important and she gets more time than I do simply because she's the mother. .....then she explained that my request was ridiculous because she is blessed to have almost no issues with bf and,

switching to formula was absolutely uncalled for and can not be afforded right now but I disagreed and argued that she left me no choice and that she needs to respect whatever decision I make regarding our son even if she doesn't like it and doesn't necessary agree with it,

but she argued back saying I'm delusional to think she'll just switch to formula to fix my hurt '''feefees,,, and even accused me of making this request so mom could meddle in and start feeding our son formula and have sleepovers since she was against her breastfeeding from the start due to how weak she was before.

This really had me...kind of...lose my cool ngl. I told her that couldn't be further from the truth. Matter fact, I strongly believe her refusal to consider switching to formula is mainly to spite mom not because she thinks my request was '''unreasonable,,, Long story short, we kept going back and forth on this argument and she told me to drop it but I refused because in my opinion she's being selfish by how she's treating me as the other parent.

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of clashing parental priorities is as old as time, yet painfully fresh for new parents. The husband’s insistence on formula to “bond” with his son feels less about love and more about control, especially with his mother’s shadow looming. Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, notes, “New parents often struggle with unspoken expectations, but overriding a partner’s choice in feeding can erode trust”. His monitoring of feedings, driven by his mother’s advice rather than medical guidance, risks alienating his wife during a vulnerable time.

The wife’s breastfeeding journey, described as smooth, is a rarity—only 26% of mothers breastfeed exclusively for six months, per the CDC. Her resistance to formula isn’t spite; it’s rooted in biology and economics—breastmilk is free, nutrient-rich, and fosters immunity. His demand ignores these benefits, prioritizing his “fair share” over the baby’s health. The underlying issue? A power struggle, amplified by external family influence, where communication has crumbled under postpartum stress.

Greer’s advice emphasizes mutual respect: “Parents must negotiate roles without dismissing each other’s contributions.” The husband could bond through diaper changes or soothing the baby post-feeding, rather than fixating on feeding itself. Counseling could help untangle his need for control and rebuild trust. For now, stepping back and listening to his wife’s needs might save their partnership from further strain.

ADVERTISEMENT

Solutions lie in empathy: attend parenting classes together, set boundaries with extended family, and explore non-feeding bonding moments. The husband’s heart may be in the right place, but his approach needs a serious reality check.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of humor. From accusations of control to jabs at his mother’s meddling, the community’s verdict was clear: he’s the antagonist in this nursery drama.

_iamtinks − YTA. Big time. Your wife isn’t taking a long time. to feed the baby - THE BABY TAKES THAT LONG TO FEED.. Your controlling, selfish behaviour is no doubt contributing to your wife’s stress. Read carefully: when your wife and child are at their most vulnerable, you are putting your wants ahead of their needs. You are absolutely the a**hole. You should immediately seek help from a psychologist to understand why you are behaving in this way.

ADVERTISEMENT

umuziki − YTA and so is your mom. There are so many red flags in your post. 1. Your wife isn’t “taking too long” to feed your child. THAT IS HOW LONG YOUR NEWBORN CHILD TAKES TO FEEL FULL. It’s entirely dependent on how long the child takes. Your wife has nearly no control.

2. You are glossing over a really important aspect that your wife is able to breastfeed without any major issues. That can be rare. I am a firm believed that Fed is best, but you ALWAYS start with b**ast. It has everything your child needs for proper development without having to spend ANY money. Formula can be expensive. Why add that to your budget simply because you want more time?

3. Your mother does not belong in this relationship. This is a partnership between you and your wife. It sounds like you’re allowing your mom more access than she is entitled to. Your mother is a mother but that doesn’t mean that how she raised a child is how you AND YOUR WIFE will raise a child.

ADVERTISEMENT

4. Your wife had a baby. Your first sentence says my wife and I. **Your wife had a baby.** You were in the room but you did not birth a human being. The fact that you make it a we action annoys the s**t out of me.

5. You do not need to be in the room every time your wife feeds the baby. You know how you can bond? Change their diaper. Help put them to sleep. Hold them when they are awake. My sister-in-law just had a baby last summer. I stayed with them during the first couple of weeks after she gave birth,

and I felt like I bonded quite fine with my nephew. I did everything household related while my brother and his wife did everything baby related. I still got to hold and bond with my nephew a dozen times a day—and that’s after my brother and his wife did too. Feeding is not the only time to bond.

ADVERTISEMENT

6. Your wife may have PPD but that’s not for you **or your controlling mother** to decide. And if she does, you may likely be a heavily contributing factor. I suggest you see a counselor. Seriously. Because this post sounds like you may be headed for divorce if you don’t stfu and leave your wife alone while she’s doing what the universe intended for all new mothers to do.. Good luck. You clearly need it.

happybanana134 − YTA.. 'I was just making sure she was feeding our son properly'. Yes, I can see why she doesn't want you in the room when she's breastfeeding. This might come as a surprise to you, but as a woman breastfeeding, she knows more about how this works than you do.

Stop being a nuisance. If you honestly believe your wife is breastfeeding solely to spite your mother, ask yourself a) what has happened between her and your mother that would result in this and b) why you married someone you have such a low opinion of.

ADVERTISEMENT

Read a damn book. Educate yourself on breastfeeding and weaning. It's delusional to think you can just swap to formula and at 3months some medical professionals would advise against this. She's absolutely right, this is all about you, not what's best for the baby.

Amerdale13 − I had to (not under doctor's recommendation though but following my mom's advice) be present in every feeding session. WTF?!? that she needs to respect whatever decision I make regarding our son even if she doesn't like it and doesn't necessary agree with. WTF?!?. I strongly believe her refusal to consider switching to formula is mainly to spite mom. WTF?!?. Yeah, YTA

CountDodo − YTA. As you said, the only reason why she doesn't want you there while breastfeeding is because you're criticizing her during breastfeeding despite knowing it contributes to stress and that she was already stressed in the first place. Why exactly do you think adding more stress during breastfeeding is a good thing for her or your child?. If you just chose to be supportive and quiet instead of judgemental there would be no issue.

ADVERTISEMENT

friedeggsandtoast − I think it’s great you wanna bond with baby, but it sounds like you’re being a little controlling supervising your wife while she’s feeding. You shouldn’t involve your mom, you are her family, but this is YOUR family now. I think YTA for suggesting formula for baby just so you can get some time in. It’s not what’s best for the baby and that should be your only concern.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You want to deprive your son of the BEST nutrition that is full of disease fighting anti bodies (unlike formula) during a plauge? You stress your wife to the point of tears by being controlling and critical of something you can never ever be an expert on or do yourself?

You sit over her shoulder at every feed to 'make sure she is doing it right'? How the f**k would A MAN WITH NO TITS know what correct breastfeeding looks like? You aren't a woman. You will never ever understand what it is like to b**ast feed. You will never be an 'expert' here.

ADVERTISEMENT

Leave your wife alone. Only she knows her body best. Only ahe knows her breasts and how her baby feeds on th em. No you. You have no idea. Not your body. You are redicious. Fair is not important here. Best intrests of the baby is important. And until formula can prevent and cure disease like breastmilk her tits are superior in every way.

You can't just abruptly change a babies diet like that either. Formula can cause b**ast fed babies stomach pain and upset. You want to hurt your son and make him sick for your ego? And your mother has no entitlement to a baby that does not belong to her.

She makes zero decisions and 3 months is way too young to be away from mom. Your wife doesn't need a babysitter. She needs to be left alone with her baby so she can do what nature intended her to do for billions of years. Feed her baby. With her body. And be a mother. Leave her alone. She's right. You are dead wrong and selfish.

ADVERTISEMENT

You don't care about your kid at all while she wants the very best for him. You put yourself first. Not your kid. Your feelings are apparently more important than his health and development. A Selfish father is a bad father. Your wife is sacrificing her body,her sleep,her mental health,her physical pain to make sure your kid has the best start in life. And you want to b**ch and complain?

iwanttoquitposting − YTA - “I disagreed and argued that she left me no choice and that she needs to respect whatever decision I make regarding our son even if she doesn't like it” would be a horrible thing to say if you had excellent critical thinking skills and weren’t acting selfish. You have really bad critical thinking skills and your actions are some of the most selfish I’ve ever seen on this sub.

Great_Clue_7064 − YTA and an entire parade of red flags. Your son isn't just eating and sleeping at 3 months and your wife is not a competitor in your relationship. She's a human being doing a really difficult job for your baby and you're being controlling so your mom can get what she wants.

ADVERTISEMENT

fakemonalisa − Yes, YTA. Why are you involving your mother in this situation? Her requests and suggestions have no place here. If you want to bond with your son... do it at a different time.

These hot takes spark a question: do Reddit’s fiery opinions mirror real-world wisdom, or are they just digital popcorn tossed from the sidelines?

This tale of formula versus breastmilk reveals more than a feeding feud—it’s a lesson in listening, respect, and navigating new parenthood’s choppy waters. The husband’s quest for fairness stumbled into control, leaving readers to wonder: where’s the line between involvement and overreach? What would you do if caught in this parenting tug-of-war? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar battles, and how did you find balance?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *